How To Get Over a Breakup

Budgeting For A Breakup – Why It’s Important and a Short Guide

“Someone’s sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”
– Warren Buffet, American businessman and investor

It was after a long hard day of work, and it was safe to say I was ready to get home to my girlfriend and spend every single penny I had made that day on food. I was starving and craving every single type of food in the world, regardless if it was healthy or not, and did not want to worry about anything else other than eating a glorious and satisfying meal after a glorious and hard day’s work.

Unfortunately for me, my girlfriend at the time and I were house-sitting, which meant I had to make an extra long drive up a extra far-away and steep mountain after work, spending an extra-amount of money on gas.

To top it off I was really into my girlfriend at the time, and I was ready to spend any amount of money on her at the time because it made me feel better about our relationship. The stage was set for me to spend lots of money that night.

We ended up going to the local grocery store that night and I spent whatever amount of money I wanted, and bought expensive crackers, salmon, and nice condiments all to take back to the house we were staying in to cook.

The crazy apart about it was we had an argument/fight when we got back to the house, and I didn’t even cook any food. I ended up leaving, wasting more money, and wasting more gas to drive all the way home.

This is an example of how the alluring power of a female can make a man spend an unnecessary amount of money, and this can carry over to making a breakup more difficult than it has to be. When my girlfriend at the time and I broke up, I was still used to spending more money, because I always tried to be the gentleman in the relationship and buy both of us dinner. This increased my standards for how much money I was spending every day, and once you increase your standard of living, it can be very difficult to go back to living poorly again.

This is why it is important to make a budget after you breakup with a girl, to see if you’re still spending the same amount of money from when you were in a relationship. This will do two things, it will make sure you’re not filling a void and trying to spend money to get over your last girlfriend, and will also help you get over the breakup faster. Now you do not have to make an entire cost and benefit analysis spreadsheet of a budget to achieve this, but it is a good idea to have some kind of idea of the money you’re spending every day in your head, so you can keep track and you don’t fly off the rails uncontrollably like a unrestrained teenager with their parent’s credit card.

Budgeting your expenses after a breakup will make you more conscientious of yourself, and may even show you that even though your girlfriend broke up with you and broke your poor little heart, you are saving a ton of money. After me and my aforementioned girlfriend broke up, I eventually budgeted myself and saw that I had spent a lot of money on her, and at the very least could see that I was spending more money on myself now, which was kind of an indulgence and made me feel better. Part of getting over a breakup means that you are growing and developing into a better man mentally, and tracking your income and expenses will put you more on the path of taking responsibility for yourself and your actions, so that inevitably you will grow into a better man.

So how can I create a budget and keep track of money you may ask? There is definitely not a lack of resources online on how to create a budget, but I can tell you what has worked for me for creating a budget after a breakup:

Keep a number in your head that you want to spend everyday or every time you go to the grocery store

This has helped me not buy every single food item I see at the grocery store that I want to devour like an untamed animal. We have all seen the cliche of a woman/ man crying and eating a tub of ice cream after they got broken up with while sitting on the couch being lonely. This will keep you from buying that delicious-looking tub of ice cream when you really don’t need it.

2. Ask yourself the question – “do I really need this?”

There have been plenty of times at the grocery store that I have picked up an item, whether it be crackers, cookies, or something else that may be useless, and asked myself, “do I really need this item?” Asking this question and trying to fit a limited number of items into a budget forces you to buy the items you truly need.

3. Make a list.

This might be the most important and helpful. Before you even set foot into the store and are exposed to the thousands of marketing gimmicks and ads that assault you and try to trick you/take advantage of you while in a store, make a list of the things you plan to buy and the things you truly need. In my opinion, you don’t have to stick to this list 100 percent because hey, we are all human, but if you stick to the list as best you can it will serve as a guide to deter from unnecessary and frivolous spending.

4. Measure happiness versus cost

This is the last tip and a unique tip that I have created that I don’t see many budgets and budget experts talk about, and I am going to share it with you, and can also apply to dieting. Say, for example, you decide to indulge a little bit after your girlfriend broke up with you and decided to eat some ice cream and cry on the couch while watching lonely depressing movies. We all have a set amount of money we can spend each day without going into debt and completely ruining our lives. Let’s say for simplicity you make 20 dollars a day. Let’s also say you can measure the amount of happiness a food can give you on a scale from one to ten with ten being the most happiness, and one being the least. It would not make sense to spend 20 dollars on a pint of ice cream that only gives you about a 4 in happiness. Your goal should be to spend your money on indulge on things that give you the most happiness and satisfaction. I see so many times people mindlessly eat and mindlessly spend their money on things that don’t bring them that much happiness, and things they don’t really like that much, and I am guilty of this too. Your goal should be to “get the most bang for your buck,” and should be to indulge sometimes but also be smart about how you indulge and where your money goes.

Pretty soon you will see that you will have more money in your bank account, and you can move on to investing your money into your future rather than on pints of ice cream that taste bad. This will help you not only move on from a breakup, but will also help you achieve financial freedom and personal freedom. I believe that if you are financially tied-down then you can be a slave, and if you are financially free and stable you will be free to do what you want with your life, and make your own decisions. Then one day your financial decisions may really pay for themselves when you have moved on from your last girlfriend, and your girlfriend may very well regret letting someone go who was so intelligent, diligent, and wise with their money. I may post more on financial advice for after a breakup later, and may even post a full-length guide, but trying to leave your girlfriend with regret should not be your goal though. Your goal should be to achieve financial freedom because at the end of the day you have faced hardship and you have worked hard, and you ultimately deserve it.

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How To Know If You’re Getting Over The Girl You Once Loved

“The world is in a constant conspiracy against the brave. It’s the age-old struggle: the roar of the crowd on the one side, and the voice of your conscience on the other.”
– Douglas MacArthur, American five-star general during WWII

It was pitch-black outside but the stars were out, revealing a vast sky with thousands of little white dots twinkling into a dark abyss that only God himself could have created. It was cold, and it was quiet. It was seemingly only me and the rest of the universe above me that seemed too big, dark, and beautiful to understand.

I was in my parent’s field in the middle of the country, and had a lot on my mind. “Why had the girl I loved left me? What had I done wrong? What could I have done different?” I walked on, farther into the dark countryside with my own thoughts.

I continued to think, to contemplate where I was in my life, and to try to understand myself. I walked farther and farther in the field feeling the cold air go into my lungs, and go out. I felt sorry for myself for a moment, then felt angry, then felt confused. There were a mix of emotions within me that I couldn’t even comprehend, but I knew I was at least thankful to have this lonely, quiet, solitary place to retreat to in complicated times of my life when I needed to think.

I had walked and ran for hours, when finally, I decided to go back inside my house and eat dinner and go to bed.

There was no better feeling on that cold winter night than opening the door and turning on the indoor fireplace, while eating my dinner of plain beans and rice. Having an escape from the bitter cold outside while eating beside the fire listening to coyotes howl outside in the countryside proved to be almost therapeutic. Before going to sleep from exhaustion from all the walking and running outside in the bitter cold I looked at my ex-girlfriend’s social media.

She posted a picture and was talking about her boyfriend, and I couldn’t help but feel a little twinge of pain in my chest when she talked about him the same way she would have talked about me. I had officially been replaced and seemingly forgotten about, but I noticed something different about myself. I noticed that I didn’t seem to care as much, and it seemingly didn’t hurt as bad that the girl I once loved and cared about more than anything in the universe had permanently moved on, and replaced me as easily as if someone were replacing a toy. If I had seen the same words from her on the screen one year ago, it would have hurt a lot worse. I now knew that I was moving on, slowly but surely, because seeing things like that about my ex-girlfriend didn’t hurt as much. I felt a twinge of hurt as well as a twinge of sadness, because the more I moved on from my girlfriend, the farther away she felt.

If you have been broken up with and you feel like you have trouble moving on, then maybe try what I did. Maybe go to someplace alone where you can think. Maybe take a walk, and think some more. Maybe go home and make your own dinner, and think some more. We as humans are very complicated creatures. Sometimes all it takes to figure ourselves out are very simple measures.

Being alone doesn’t mean you have to lonely, or even miserable. It means you get to spend time with yourself and think about your problems, how you can move on to bigger and better things, and how you can accomplish your goals. Then you can reflect upon where you are in the future, and maybe you too, will see, that you don’t hurt as much, and there is a bright sunrise up ahead.

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Why I’ve Been Single All Year

“The best feeling in the world is knowing you actually mean something to someone.”
– Unknown

A new notification popped up on my phone. Damn, hadn’t I turned all notifications off for every app on my phone? I could never figure out the settings for that.

I opened up the notification to see that I had gotten a match and a message from a girl I was only mildly attracted to. On the official classic male-created scale of 1-10 she was about a 4.5 to a 6 on a good day. But, given the circumstances that I was fairly desperate for a girlfriend at the time and unbearably lonely, I messaged her back.

The first red flag – her message to me was a mistake. She had meant to message someone else and the first message I ever got from this girl was, “are you coming over tonight daddy?” Although this was cool to me because pretty much every man in the universe likes being called daddy, myself included, it showed she wasn’t the smartest tool in the shed to accidentally send that message to a stranger on an online dating app.

Second red flag – nearly all of her profile pictures were her doing the one thing that I find disgusting and is my pet peeve when it comes to girl’s online dating profiles – she was sticking her tongue out. I understand that you may think it looks “cute” and it makes you seem cool and fun or even open-minded, but in reality I think it’s just as disgusting and annoying as a picture of a man’s privates, if not even more disgusting. And for your information, I never send naked pictures of myself to anyone, except in rare circumstances a girl I am in a relationship with.

Third red flag – all of her likes and interests were that of someone that was three years old or at best in high school. Her likes included things like fast food, and I never eat fast food. She liked cartoons that only a toddler would watch, and the only cartoons I ever watch are adult ones that actually are pretty funny. Every aspect of her profile signaled that she hated any form of exercise, and I love going to the gym and being outdoors and hiking. Finally, she even included some rude quotes in her profile that I see many times in online dating said something along the lines of, “I am the most important person in the universe and there are very few guys worthy of me.” There was every signal in the book this girl was not for me, but for some reason I trudged on and responded to her inappropriate message. That reason was most likely the aforementioned loneliness I was feeling at the time as well as the fact that she looked like she was “easy.”

She was surprisingly nice on our first date, except that she had one of the loudest laughs I have ever heard come out of a humans mouth. We talked in my car and got to know each other, and despite our absence of commonalities and her incredibly loud laugh, I had a decent time. I was not lonely for that night and it was nice to have company and a real human being to talk to, despite this human being not so great.

She even showed me her boobs unexpectedly at the end of the date, and let me play with them which was nice. I was beginning to be glad I took the time to message this girl back, because now not only was I not lonely and not missing my ex-girlfriend, I was getting to play with a really big set of EE breasts, which was pretty cool. What more could a man ask for?

Unfortunately, there is a rule in economics that states there is “no free lunch.” This principle basically means for every action, there is an opportunity cost, or something you give up. For example, if I go and buy a protein bar from the grocery store and spend five dollars, the cost of the protein bar is not just the five dollars. The cost of the protein bar includes the five dollars plus whatever I gave up for spending money on the protein bar. I gave up the opportunity of spending five dollars on coffee, gas, or anything else money can buy.

This principle eventually applied with the short-lived relationship I had with this girl. She became dissatisfied with only having her breasts played with, and expected much more. And seeing I was not really wanting to do anything more with this girl, she got very angry with me. Never having a male human reject her before in her life, she expected to demand intercourse and it be delivered to her on a platter. Me striving to be a respectable young man and gentleman was not ready to take that step in the relationship, especially when we were not even dating. The cost of playing with her boobs and having her keep me company was having to put up with her angry attitude, and this is when her true character revealed itself.

The relationship soon ended, with her ghosting me and not talking to me for months after. I ended up reconnecting with her months after that, and asked her if she would like to hang out. I got an unclassy response that I kind of half-way expected that went something along the lines of, “hell no, you’re boring and I’m over you.” Ok, guess I’ll leave you alone for the rest of your life then.

In retrospect, the relationship was a mistake, but I learned something about myself from it. I learned that I was not ready to move on to another relationship, much less a sexual one. I learned that I was not ready to start dating again, and that dating can be complicated, messy process. I learned that I loved and cared about my last girlfriend more than I thought, and in a weird way, it made me appreciate and care about her more. I learned that I miss my ex-girlfriend, and I was still not over her, and it will probably take a long time to get over her, even though she is more than likely gone from my life forever.

I also learned that it’s ok to be alone. You don’t have to be with another person to feel not lonely. You can hang out with your friends, your family. This Christmas has made me appreciate my family a whole lot more, and be thankful that I have them. It is really nice to not be alone, but it is really really nice to not be alone on Christmas, and be around people that care about you, and be around people that make you feel like they have your back, come hell or high water.

I’ve also had to come to hard realization this year – life is about more than romantic relationships. There are plenty of things I love to do alone. I love working out alone. I love reading alone. I love being alone while walking and running outside when it’s 2 am, and there is not another soul around for miles. I love being outside at night while alone, looking up at the stars, and thinking about what it all means, what my place is in this universe, and why things have happened in my life and why things are the way they are. Looking up at the stars and being alone reminds me there are things more complicated in the universe, and I am not the center of all problems. The stars above my head are bigger than me. They have been here before I was born, and they will be there long after I die.

I love being alone and reading a book, to expand my knowledge. I love learning about things that interest me, and to read the stories of other people who lived before me, who fought much harder battles than I have. This is humbling.

I love learning about subjects that are interesting, such as why humanity is the way it is today, and what the future holds for us. I like to think this helps me understand our place in the universe more.

I like to think that doing these things helps grow me as a person. I like to think that it helps me grow into an even better man that knows how to think rationally, be more confident, and be more comfortable in myself. That way, when I hopefully do find the right person someday, I can be the best person I can be for them, and I can be comfortable in my own shoes and confident when I am with that person. That’s probably where the best relationships start and develop.

So that is pretty much why I have been single all year, and I may be single in the future indefinitely, but that’s ok. My goal in life is not to have a significant other to just fill a gap, and hole in my confidence, and just be there. My goal is to have this person be there because I want them to be there, and wouldn’t trade them for any single one person in the world. My goal is to have someone who I love them for them, and have them love me for me. I don’t want to love someone because they are my girlfriend/wife. I want to love someone because of their unique personality and unique self that makes them special out of the other billions of other people in this world. And I hope they would feel the same about me.

So if you are single and either just got broken up with or got broken with a while ago like me, know that it’s ok to be alone and hang out with yourself, and pursue someone when you feel like it’s the right time, not when you feel lonely or are wanting to fill an insatiable hole in your self confidence. You are a cool person and have your own unique talents and capabilities. I know this because everyone is cool and has their own unique capabilities in their own way, so hang out with yourself and get to know yourself better. I have personally experienced the greatest growth in my lifetime during times of hardship, when a girl broke up with me, when I lost a job, when I had to move back in with my parents, etc., but I’m grateful for all of those things because they made me the man I am today. I feel sorry for some people that never get to experience this, and go from relationship to relationship being dependent on someone else for emotional security. If you’re single and going through this right now then consider yourself lucky that you get to experience this kind of hardship and know that you’ll inevitable grow from it, so that you’ll be a better man next time around when you do meet the right girl and the chips fall into place.

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Christmas Girlfriends

“Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more.”
– Theodor Seuss Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss

It was almost 8pm and I couldn’t figure out what to wear. I knew I was being a girl about it, but I was indecisive. “Should I wear the red sweater, or my classic white button down with khakis that I always wear?” I thought. I wanted to look good for my girlfriend, because I knew for certain that she was going to look hot, and also knew tonight I was more than likely going to get lucky when we went to bed. I was equally excited for that as well as the party we were going to attend.

I like going to parties on special occasions, even though I am a very shy guy and don’t talk much. I was always the shy quiet one growing up, and coupled with being the youngest brother in my family girls would always pinch my cheeks and say, “oh he’s so cute!” I would smile shyly in response and feel my cheeks flush beet-red, and have absolutely no idea what to say back because I was too shy and had absolutely no idea on how to flirt with girls older than me. To this day, I still have trouble with learning on how to flirt with girls, but at least I know it’s a weakness I can work on.

After thorough and painstaking deliberation, I decided on the red sweater with khakis before leaving for the Christmas party. The sweater fit me well, and I thought it was the perfect fit to show off my chest and to maybe show off some of the work I had been putting into the gym this Winter. I grabbed my keys and trusty backpack and headed out the door in anticipation for a romantic and fun evening with my girl.

I was right, my girlfriend did end up looking hot that night. Her hair was done perfectly, her makeup was done in such a way signaling that she had be doing her own makeup for years and knew what she was doing, and she was wearing the perfect outfit to symbolize Christmas as well as accentuate her chest. I was even more excited after I saw her.

We arrived to the Christmas party and the alcohol and wine starting flowing freely, although I stayed a sober man that night. I usually don’t drink anyways at parties because I am usually the designated driver, or “DD” for my friends, and have never been a huge fan of alcohol. My soberness did not retract from the fun of the evening though, and I was having fun just being there with my girlfriend.

We had been dating for several months at the time, and were moving from the point of getting familiar with each other to being more serious. There were several other couples there that were together in long-term more serious relationships, and it was somehow comforting to be around other couples who were dating just like us. It made me feel more comfortable in our relationship, and made our relationship more fun and relatable to other people. That coupled with my girlfriend’s outgoing and extroverted personality and her ability to make new friends within moments of meeting people made me fall in love with her and love her more under the warm glow of the red lights and feeling of Christmas and happiness at that Christmas party that night.

I stood in the corner and casually watched my girlfriend mingle with everyone else, and although I hardly said a word I was just happy to be there as the night grew later and people became more tipsy. Picture time came during the middle of the party and we took a picture together, with her pressing her body tight against mine. It felt good to be close to her, and it also felt good to know that she thought I was attractive enough to take a picture with. She was one of the few girls in my life to actually call me “hot,” and it made me feel more secure in myself as well.

Finally it was time to leave and my girlfriend said bye to all of her friends. We left together and met back at her apartment and she hugged me goodnight because I had to go home and could not stay at her apartment that night.I was happy because I was in the Christmas spirit and had the warm familiar feeling Christmas always brings around this time of year, and did not mind feeling the slight pang of sadness and loneliness knowing that I was not going to get to cuddle my perfectly small and cozy five foot tall girlfriend that night. There was plenty more opportunities in the future to hug her and cuddle her before we went to bed.

Christmas is probably the best time of year to have a serious girlfriend. This experience shows that it is a good time of year to be involved in “cuffing season,” or the season people are “handcuffed” together or in a serious relationship with one another because there are a number of upsides that are just plain awesome and make you feel good, and represent the best of Christmas and what it was intended to be. These include:

It’s really nice to have the comfort of a girl in your bed on a cold Christmas night

Christmas is about being with others and spending time with your friends and family in my humble opinion. To me it’s not about gifts or shopping, I hate shopping more than I hate getting punched in the face. And yes, I have been punched in the face before – I have a big tough older brother who is built like a bull. But there is nothing like coming home from work to your girl, having her make you a hot bowl of soup, and cuddling with her under the warm covers while it’s cold outside. No amount of money, gifts, or items could substitute for the awesome feeling of that.

2. The feeling of Christmas can be contagious to your relationship

At our Christmas party we went to several years ago, we had a good time. Everyone was happy because it was Christmas, and the feeling of Christmas, joy, and happiness was in the air. Everything was warm and glowing red, and you couldn’t help but feel warm and red on the inside and want to kiss your girlfriend. Spending and celebrating Christmas with my girlfriend and giving her gifts and celebrating a holiday we both understood and supported the meaning for strengthened our relationship, and made me love her more than I already did.

3. It will reveal to you the type of girl you are dating

In the dating world there are two types of women – high maintenance and low maintenance. “High maintenance” girls typically expect a lot of gifts or expensive gifts for Christmas, while low maintenance girls will typically expect only a couple gifts or no gifts at all. Their expectations are not the same, and they were instilled there in their unexplainably complicated female brains some time ago whether that was while they were a child with a rich father or they may have been born that way. Regardless, you will find out real quick what kind of girl you have through the gift giving process, and some guys do better with high maintenance, and others do not. Some guys love showering their women with gifts, and cannot stand not to give their girl something incredibly expensive for the holidays. I personally am into low maintenance girlfriends, and have found that I am a person who had a hard time finding happiness through buying material things. Like I said before, for me, the best things in life are typically the things that money can’t buy, like going to a nice Christmas party with your girl late one night prior to Christmas Eve or coming home and having your girl eat hot soup and cuddle with you after a long, hard day on a cold Christmas night. That’s the best.

4. Spending Christmas with your girlfriend may show you where you stand with her

If your girlfriend likes you then she will probably want to spend Christmas or celebrate Christmas with you and exchange gifts. If your girlfriend really likes you she will want to spend Christmas with you and will even take you to parties and take pictures of you to show you off in your Christmas attire. If she really, really likes you then she will celebrate Christmas with you and may even invite you to celebrate Christmas with her family and show you off to her own family. These are things that I have found that have showed me in the past how a girl feels about me. At the time I didn’t realize my girlfriend was signaling to me that she really liked me when she took me to a Christmas party to meet all her friends, but as is most things in life, hindsight is almost always crystal clear.

5. Girls look hot on Christmas

Let’s face it. Girls are really, really good at dressing up. And there is something about seeing your girlfriend dress up on Christmas that is beyond gratifying. They know how to wear red to look drop-dead gorgeous, and know the perfect clothes to wear to look gorgeous as well, and that’s good new for you because you get to look at her all season long and drink eggnog and if you’re lucky, go to a Christmas party and drink hot soup and cuddle.

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If You’re Down About Being Broken Up With…

“Son, when the Marine Corps wants you to have a wife, you will be issued one.”
– Lewis B. “Chesty” Puller, one of the most decorated and famous Marine officers of World War II

I was sitting on my parents’ couch late one night watching an epic TV mini-series about the Pacific Theater during World War II. Based on a true story, the main character was a young Marine my age in a landing craft about to storm the beaches of Peleliu with his fellow Marines. There was dramatic music playing. Bombs were going off. Explosions were everywhere. But these men were the manliest and bravest of men, and stormed the beaches head-on to fight the Japanese. It was safe to I was pretty fired up at this point.

The next episode cut to the story of a guy who looked to be in his late 20’s around my age, who had got broken up with while on “liberty” (the term when soldiers are given a vacation-like break) in Australia. This was also a true story.

I then started to think to myself, “what if I was fighting in the middle of a war, and had to deal with the extreme loss of my buddies dying, while almost getting killed myself, and my girlfriend broke up with me?”

Breakups as a civilian are hard enough. You have to deal with emotional baggage, drama, and heartache. But as a soldier? That would be nothing short of awful.

It kind of humbled me to think this way, and put myself into this mindset. I have never been in the military, and kowing some soldiers like these guys who fought in the Pacific Theater during World War II did get broken up with by their girlfriends, while they were only trying to protect our country and the people back home in the States was humbling. These soldiers often fought and died for what they believed in, and how did many get repaid? Some were broken up with while overseas because their girlfriends might not have been able to handle the long-distance relationship, or may have found someone who was conveniently closer and not in a jungle in the Pacific thousands of miles away.

Now don’t get my wrong. there are plenty of women who deserve the highest award our country can give for their un-wavering sacrifice and support give to their husbands and boyfriends overseas. They deserve just as much respect and admiration as anybody. But as with is everything in life, there are always a few “bad eggs” and a few people who decide to break up with their boyfriend while he is in a jungle risking his life overseas. That’s a tough situation.

I started to feel dumb for all of the times I was upset when a girl had broken up with me. If these guys who were fighting in the Pacific could handle it, surely I could handle the same situation living in a comfortable house not risking my life everyday and not watching my best buddies die? No matter how bad of a breakup I have been through, I know these guys who were fighting in the Pacific probably had it 10 times worse.

So if you’re going through a breakup right now and are feeling sorry for yourself, maybe just watch a war movie like I did. It might put things into perspective for you, and show you that no matter what your going through, there is always someone who probably had been through something 10 time worse, and who was tough enough to come out alive. Remember if they came out alive, then you can too.

If you’re looking for some additional motivation and manliness with a touch of bad-a in your life, then I suggest reading a book about Chesty Puller, or looking up some info about him. His life and his attitude will surely show you that you have every bit of courage, grit, and determination to get through any breakup thrown your way, regardless of the circumstance. Ooo-freakin’-rah.

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Bill of Rights of the United States – The Ultimate Man’s Document

“And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.”
– Thomas Jefferson, The Declaration of Independence

I don’t think there is anything more manly or anything that gets me fired up like the above quote. I have pledged the same thing many nights to my best buddies by telling my best friend that I would give my life for him. But I have never actually gotten together with a dozen of my closest friends, wrote up a document saying that I pledge my life, my fortune (not that I have a fortune), and my honor to them. That’s pretty dang manly.

Then what makes the situation even more many and ballsy is that Thomas Jefferson and these men sent this document to the leader of one of the most powerful empires in history – King George. They were serious about what they believed in and were willing to back up what they wrote. That’s even more manly.

But the most manly part of it all was that they carried out their mission and defeated one of the most powerful empires in history with basically just militia they formed together last-minute, and won the Revolutionary war going on to write their own constitution and bill of rights. The reason the Bill of Rights is manly is because it showcases the most manly parts of being a man –

Having rules
Being disciplined
Putting other people over yourself

Take for example amendment 1 of the Bill of Rights – “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.” This is a clearly defined rule that has clearly defined boundaries that you can apply to your own life as a man. For example, if your girlfriend just broke up with you, it might be a good idea to set up some boundaries for yourself. You might want to make yourself a rule such as, “I will not call or text my ex for at least two weeks” or “I will not look at my ex’s social media page for at least five days.” These are at least clearly defined rules that will have results. Look at the first amendment and the results it has yielded. Because of this amendment James Madison and others decided to add to the Constitution, I can go downtown and pass a Buddhist temple, Mosque, and First Baptist Church of God all within five minutes of each other. ‘Merica.

Take amendment four for a second example – “The rights of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated…” This took some legitimate discipline for James Madison and the rest of the writers to put this in. As a man in his position, it must have been tempting to leave that one out. As a man who works in government, he pretty much gave up his power through that amendment to search anybody’s house he wants, and I’m sure that might have been useful to him as some point in his life. He might have wanted to search a criminals house to see if they had commited a crime. Or he could have wanted to search a friend’s house – you know, the type of friend you let borrow one of your favorite t-shirts or a video game controller and never see it again? The point is is that he had one of the most many qualities there is and used it out of selflessness. You could try this if your girlfriend just broke up with you, and instill discipline in yourself to get over a breakup. It might be something as simple as “giving up” your right to eat ice cream while crying in the shower for a couple of days, and instead going to the gym and hitting a chest workout.

Take the last amendment for our last example of manliness – “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.” This is a prime example of James Madison and the writers displaying manliness by putting other people’s wants and needs over their own. They could have left the tenth amendment out of the Bill of Rights, therefore giving the Federal government and themselves much more power,but they opted to create a check and balance system and give power to the state and local government as well as the people too. This almost was kind of a “self sacrifice” on their part in my opinion, and we see it displayed by manly men only. In all of the movies, the manly character decides to “sacrifice himself” at the end for the greater good, or the hot girl. Even in The Illiad, one of the most bad-a and manly men there ever was, Achilles of Troy, basically sacrifices himself to avenge his cousins death, so that Troy could be victorious. Jesus Christ is the best example of this, when he sacrifices himself for the sins of all mankind by suffering on a cross and dying, for everyone else but himself.

No one can say for sure why men like James Madison and Thomas Jefferson thought this way, and were so quick to sacrifice everything so that you and I could have the freedom today to practice what religion we want or not be forced to house soldiers. Maybe they were trying to emulate other people who were seen as heroes who had sacrificed before them. Maybe their parents instilled those values in them. Maybe they were born with a gene that made them that way. No one can say for sure.

But maybe we can say that standing up for a higher good and standing for something bigger than yourself can help you get over a breakup, or perhaps, make you more immune to breakups. Maybe if you stand for something such as protecting other people, then when something bad happens in your life like a breakup, it won’t seem like such as huge deal. Maybe having that to stand for will give you more of an identity and help you realize that a breakup really isn’t that big of a deal in the big picture. Maybe the founders stood for things like this because it made them more resilient in life, and better able to deal with hardships because they all knew they were living for something worth fighting for, and worth dying for.

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Thanksgiving Girlfriends

Thanksgiving is on of my favorite days of the year because it reminds us to give thanks and count our blessings. Suddenly, so many things become so little when we realize how blessed and lucky we are.”
– Joyce Giraud

The one big question of my family and many people’s families is “is she take-home-to-the-parents-to-Thanksgivin’-dinner-worthy?” This is a big step in a relationship that truly communicates to your girlfriend, “you are wifey material enough to take home to not only my immediate family, but to all of my cousins, in-laws, and grandparents too.” To any girl – if your man takes you home to meet his family at Thanksgiving that is a sincere compliment, and don’t take it lightly.

I pride myself on the fact that it is a particularly charming compliment from me, due to the fact that I have never taken a girl home to meet my parents and extended family at our annual Thanksgiving gathering ever. I came close once though, and I have to say I regret not inviting her over earlier.

This was my last recent girlfriend, and I am not going to lie. I was head-over-heels for this girl. I had met her at my university one hot Summer day in the middle of July and somehow managed to get her number whether that was through acquired skill or blind luck. It was probably more of the latter. Nevertheless I got her number and walked away feeling like a champ, and the rest was history.

We dated and went from one step to to the next, from holding hands and kissing on the lips to full-on dating and saying, “I love you” while staring at each other deeply in the eyes over a romantic candle-lit dinner of chicken and sweet potato with wine prepared by yours truly. I was romancin’ her hard.

So by the time Thanksgiving rolled around she probably almost expected to be invited to my families’ Thanksgiving. It made sense. We were moving into a more serious relationship, and her family lived nearly three hours away which made Thanksgiving with her family nearly inaccessible. She did not know that I had never invited a girl over for Thanksgiving though, and she also did not know that I am pretty shy around even my own family.

I did what I do best and all too often and procrastinated about the subject, even until the day of Thanksgiving. She finally texted me the day of Thanksgiving asking me, “Hey…..am I coming or……”

It wasn’t that I was ashamed of her and did not want to show her off. In my mind she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Her blonde hair, green eyes, flawless skin, and coy smile all made me love her more. She was the type to take home to your parents because she wasn’t dumb and actually had above-average social skills, and she was the type your parents would fall in love with more than you did. I was just scared of what my family would think of me in general, and was too nervous and shy of a boy to bring her around at the time, so I procrastinated asking her until the very last minute.

I finally asked her the day of Thanksgiving after everyone had already eaten, and she was more than excited to come. She got there after most of my extended family had left (they left early) but still looked as gorgeous and perfectly put-together as ever. Her makeup, hair, style, were all perfect. I immediately felt the pang of regret for not asking her to come meet my parents sooner.

We even had a good time. I got to drive her around on my parent’s four-wheeler and show her the property. We ate Thanksgiving food until our hearts were content, and she laughed at me while I lied on the kitchen floor because I had eaten too much. Although we had a little argument on our sleeping arrangements for the night, I was the happiest man in the world because she was just there. I spent the night with her that night and fell asleep happy man in a happy turkey-induced coma.

Two years later things are very different. We are no longer together, so she obviously did not come to our Thanksgiving. I have not spoken to her in almost a year, and haven’t really heard about how she is doing or what she is really doing. It’s not that we had a terrible breakup where the last words we said to each other were, “I hate you and never want to see you again!” (although we had gotten pretty mad at each other before in the heat of the moment during our fights) The last time I saw her face there were tears streaming down her pretty face as she hugged me and told me goodbye, the week before she left the country to move away for good.

The lesson for me and to you is to not procrastinate, and if you have a feeling in your gut then go with it. At that time I had the feeling in my gut to invite my girlfriend over and spend time with her during Thanksgiving not only because she was going to be alone but because I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her and having her here. But I did not act on that gut instinct and instead procrastinated and waited it out which was a mistake. Do not make that mistake and act on the few opportunities you have, because you never know when those few opportunities are going to be gone, forever.

Now I can’t help but miss the Thanksgiving we had together, the person she was, the person I was, and can’t help but miss just having her to talk to. The ironic part is two years ago I was terrified to have her over for Thanksgiving, and now I would give anything to bring her back and have her here.

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Will Writing Help You Get Over A Breakup?

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.”
– Benjamin Franklin

It was freshman year in the Spring semester of my first year of college. I was sitting in my dorm room trying to think about how to write an essay about the book my literature class was reading. The book was good, and was interesting. It was about a fictional novel about an insecure teenage Russian boy living in Leningrad, Russia during the German seige in World War 2, and I could relate to him. Not that I had ever been in a war, or had to risk losing my life for looking for food, but the terror he described about how he felt about attractive girls and his own securities was spot-on to my own insecurities. I was able to write a successful 5+ page essay within the deadline (I had crammed again and not given myself a lot of time to write the essay) and finished it with ease. I wrote about my own life, and how it had related to the character of the novel we read for the class. I wrote about how insecurities as a young teenager are a struggle, similar to the struggle one might feel during a war. Since then I have noticed getting over your own securities because of a relationship, breakup, and in life is a never-ending battle to a crazy war that we all must face within ourselves. Here are five ways writing helped me get over a breakup when I was a insecure college freshman who was trying to just make an A in a introductory college course:

It will help you learn to self-reflect

When you are forced to write five pages of dense material within a couple of days amount of time to turn in to someone else so that they can critically review your work, you are forced to be honest. I have b.s.’ed a lot of essays in my time, from essays on self-reflection in high school to essays on the principles of marketing my sophomore and junior years of college, and have found that it is very difficult to completely lie for five pages and get a decent grade. Professors and teachers can tell when you lie for five pages on an essay because everyone has tried to do it at some point. When you write honestly, it taught me to be honest with myself in other areas of my life, such as my past relationships. Then when I found myself thinking about my last ex, I wouldn’t make excuses and blame everything that went wrong on her, and would take ownership for the problems. Instead of saying, “it was her fault she got angry at me for being late on one of our dates” I would turn it around and say, “what did I do wrong and would could I have done to make her angry?” I would put myself in her shoes and analyze the problem more honestly, and then think, “what can I do next time with the next girl so that won’t happen again?”

2. It will help you stop thinking about the past

When there is a memory that bothers you you will likely think about it and dwell on it. For me it was when I was thinking about my ex while I was a freshman in college and would constantly think about the day she called me and broke up with me over the phone. I would dwell on it the next several months and think, “I should have reacted differently” or think, “I should have acted like I didn’t care” or “I should have acted like I cared more.” This thought-process is not only tiring but will keep you from moving forward in the future. When you keep thinking about these events you will only get stressed out like I did and become frustrated. Writing will help you clear these thoughts up, and will help you realize what you did/didn’t do that was wrong so that you can behave better in the future.

3. It will improve your confidence

The more you write about your past and about subjects you’re interested in, the more you will feel confident as a writer, and the more you will feel confident as a human being. Just like with any skill, the more you practice at it the more you will be able to master it and your confidence will subsequently sky rocket in that subject. For me, when I started writing more in college, it took my level of mastery from terrible to at least decent. This improvement was enough to make me feel more confident when I spoke, when I went out in public, and just in the way that I carried myself.

4. It will improve your chances with future girls

Girls love men who are good with words. Look at that guy who wrote every single best-selling romance novel for the past decade and every girl’s favorite romance movie – Nicholas Sparks. If he wasn’t married, it would be a guaranteed fact that this guy would be absolutely drowning in hordes of attractive females. Look at Benjamin Franklin, a man who was an excellent author. Rumor has it that back in the day he was also drowning in hordes of attractive females. Refine your ability to write in college and you will likely improve your ability to speak and interact with girls, and you will likely be able to get a new girlfriend which is key to moving on from your old ex.

5. It is a skill almost all employers want

Go to the front page of your favorite internet job website and you will likely find that every job listed that has anything to do with a college degree or any type of desk work will list the ability to write and communicate an attractive skill. Being able to convey this skill to employers will make you more valuable, and might land you a new job or internship while you are in college, which will also be a key to getting over your ex. Then you can spend more time self reflecting in a healthy way, thinking about the future, being more confident, and getting a new girlfriend all because you refined your ability to write and speak, and this will surely lead you on the road to moving on to bigger and better things, and moving on from your ex-girlfriend to become a bigger and better man.

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Will Boobs Help You Get Over A Breakup?

“The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren’t looking, they notice her breasts.”
– Conan O’Brien

I was excited to have another weekend with the bros after it had been another rough week at school. I had been taking accounting and business classes that had left me starving for freedom, carelessness, and reckless behavior with my best buddies. That weekend was exactly what I got.

My buddy was seeing a new girl who we will call “Carly” and he informed me that she was bringing her very attractive friend over to my pool party that afternoon. After hearing about the size of her breasts from a couple of my friends, I was very intrigued to say the least.

When she arrived to the pool party she displayed the confidence of a proud lioness. She was wearing the most revealing skin-tight bikini that was socially acceptable, had long straightened brown hair, and breasts that were round, large, and perky enough to put any full-grown woman to shame. It was safe to say me and the boys were pleased with her appearance.

This new girl, whom we will call “Kelly” soon and surprisingly seemed to take a liking to me. Between the beers and shots of whatever rum, tequila, or whiskey my buddy was able to get ahold of and bring she started staring me down ferociously. Being the insecure 20-year-old I was at the time I was confused and thought she was mad at me or thought I was weird. My insecure self got too embarrassed to look at her back when she started to intentionally stare at me.

During this time in my life I was down because my previous girlfriend had just dumped me. I was living at college in my dorm room before I moved back into my parents and she gave me a phone call and told me. I thought it was the end of the world.

Kelly ended up making the night one to remember by falling to my buddies advances of alcohol and taking her top off, revealing to us all the one thing my buddies and I were obsessed with – her boobs. I ended up getting to kiss Kelly, and she ended up staying the night at my house where I got the privilege of playing with her breasts, but I knew she was no long-term girlfriend material. We had absolutely zero things in common, and to be honest I was a little intimidated by her lioness-like dominance in my own home.

One thing I did gain other than the temporary pleasure of getting to feel and see her boobs and show off in front of my friends was that the experience seemed to put me one step closer to getting over my ex. I had not felt or seen breasts like Kelly’s before. My ex’s breasts, although nice, were only slighter larger than mine and I thought of them as “cute.” Kelly’s breasts large and firm, popped out frequently when she was drunk, and resembled fun and a good time. Seeing her breasts and having a good time with her ultimately demonstrated to me there were other girls out there who were still attractive, and showed me there were good and fun times in the world with other people besides my ex. So how can breasts help you get over a breakup?

They will show you a good time when you need it most

When you are getting over a breakup your self-esteem is low and you are in desperate need of hanging out with your friends to show you that there are good times ahead. If it wasn’t for my friends inviting themselves over I probably would have spent that day and that night moping around about my ex instead of being outside with my friends and seeing/playing with a nice set of boobs.

2. They will show you that all boobs can be nice in their own way

After being broken up with you might fall into the trap of thinking “no one will ever be like my ex” and “no boobs will ever be like my exes, they were so nice.” This is true. No one will ever be the exact same as your ex. But the good news is that different can be good, it can be very, very good. In my example, I got to experience a whole new set of boobs that were nice, big, and firm, and they were amazing in their own way.

3. They will boost your self-esteem

I was shocked and surprised that Kelly took her top off when I was in the pool with my buddies while they were drinking. My much more confident but short friend had convinced her to take her top off again while playing a game of “strip darts” (I may make a post on how to play this game later), and was still surprised when at one point, she climbed on top of me, looked me straight in the eyes, grabbed my nervous boy-like hands, and thrust them straight atop her bare breasts. The reason I was surprised was because I had low self-esteem. If I had been confident, I wouldn’t have been surprised this happened and would have known that I was good enough to be able to see and feel such a nice set of boobs, but I wrongly assumed I wasn’t and they as well as her were out of my league. As soon as these things happened, my esteem shot up and I thought I was pretty cool, and my friends thought so too. This led me to stop thinking about my ex as much, and move on to other girls and other things in my life.

4. They will encourage you to come out of your shell

There might not be anything more encouraging in this world to a man than the chance of seeing a nice set of breasts. Mythological epics have spoke of it when thousands were killed over the voluptuous breasts of Helen of Troy, and men fight over it today in bars and even on TV over some nice pair of DD’s. I did not fight my friends over breasts but they did motivate me to be better and a better version of myself, and not as shy. I found a pattern that when I am not shy, I am put in more situations where I appear more confident and thus get to see more boobs. That’s a win-win for me.

5. They will show you how big the world truly is

When my girlfriend broke up with me while I was in my tiny cramped dorm room hundreds of miles away from home at college, my world was seemingly very small. I did not think I had very many options outside of hanging out with my girlfriend, and did not think any other girls would ever like me again. I thought I would die a lonely hermit in the woods. When I moved back home and had that pool party with the boys and Kelly came over and showed my her boobs, it showed me that life has a lot more to offer. It made me question myself and ask, “maybe life does have a lot more to offer than hanging out alone and being alone doing nothing but watching sad movies and thinking about my ex-girlfriend alone in my dorm room?” It made me realize that there is a whole big world out there, with 7+ billion other people and probably 3-4 billion other women, and there is bound to be one that is right for you. There is bound to be another woman on this planet that has nice boobs in their own way, and beyond that there is bound to be a girl who likes you for you, who will love you for you, and who challenges you and makes you grow into the best version of yourself that you can be, and grow into a better man. That’s where healthy meaningful relationships start and the sooner you can move on from your ex, the sooner you can go find someone to have that with.

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The Importance of Maintaining A Schedule After Your Girlfriend Breaks Up With You

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.“
– Thomas Edison

I woke up late the next day tired and irritable. There was a stream of slobber that had pooled the night before onto the bed creating a weird sticky spot that was I was not proud of. My eyes were caked in crust and I almost forgot where I was until I looked around. This bedroom wasn’t familiar to me. “Why was my headboard different? Where was the window that was usually to my right?” Then I remembered everything was different because I was actually staying the night at my parents house instead of my girlfriends apartment. “Oh yeah, she dumped me about a week ago,” I remembered. I had been staying at her apartment so often that I forgot what my bedroom felt like to sleep in. Between that and sleeping in so late, it almost vanquished my memory.

At this point my schedule was almost non-existent. I had already graduated college but recently lost my job, (who knew my boss could be such a dick) and did not need a schedule at all. The only priorities I had at the time were applying on jobs, applying to try to get into graduate school, and getting the last of my stuff back from my girlfriends apartment. So I was going to sleep in if I wanted to.

At the time I did not realize this was a severe detriment to the progress I would make in getting over my ex who randomly decided to dump me right before Thanksgiving. At the time before she dumped me I was looking forward to trying to eating as much Thanksgiving Turkey as I could with her and was blindsided when she called me one lonely night while I was at home. Thus my schedule suffered a blow, and I started to not care about using an alarm clock. Why should you keep a schedule you might ask?

Sleeping at weird/off times has been shown to have a negative impact on your health

There have been various studies that have shown if you sleep in on the weekends even then you are throwing off your internal clock, and this will likely screw up your sleep patterns in the future. This is a negative because when you are going through a breakup you will need to be in the healthiest state mentally and physically. I noticed this shortly after sleeping in at my parents and started to maintain a consistent schedule, which helped me out in the long run.

2. It’s easy to break good habits

When you sleep in and decide to wake up at 2pm and try to start your morning routine, a rollercoaster of bad decisions are likely to happen. First, you will likely skip your morning workout (I will likely write an entire article on why you should work out in the morning), then you will probably skip eating a couple of healthy meals or snacks that day because you already let your workout slide, then you might even skimp out on a date you had with a cute girl that night because you felt terrible from sleeping too much the night before. One bad decision sometimes spirals us down to multiple even worse decisions, so don’t go down that path in the first place.

3. You will miss out on social opportunities

So let’s say you do decide to sleep in until 2pm and still maintain discipline by hitting your morning workout at home, then prepare a healthy lunch and even get some chores done like laundry and cleaning your dorm room. Great, but guess what time it is after you get all of these obligatory items done? Probably around 8 or 9pm. Guess who texted you at 5 or 6pm asking you if you’re free and if you wanted to hang out to get drinks that night? That cute girl you met in your introductory to biology class or that other attractive female you happened to match with online. Guess there goes that opportunity. And based on the habits and tendencies of every female that’s ever lived, these two girls are likely to lose interest when you don’t hang out with them and maintain a texting buddy relationship and will likely ghost you all together if you can’t get your schedule in some kind of order.

4. You will miss out on life opportunities all together

When you do accidentally lose your own sense of a schedule your girlfriend breaks up with you you will find that you will lose out on opportunities from work, school, and general life. For example maybe there was a networking opportunity on campus at the college of business that you meant to go to, but missed it because your schedule was set back? Or maybe one of your classes was offering extra credit, and the professor sent out an e-mail last-minute alerting everyone of an extra credit opportunity that evening? Or maybe your mom who you never see texted you, and let you know she is in the area and would like to see you? All of these things could easily be missed to an inconsistent schedule, and all of these things are key when it comes to getting over a breakup.

Set an alarm clock to get up at the same time every day, or try to get enough sleep so that you can naturally wake up at the same time every time and perform and be at your best. This will gradually lead to other good decisions, such as being able to workout, eat healthy, and be healthy, and you will also be rewarded with the option of being able to hang out with a cute girl, take advantage of job opportunities, do well in classes, and see your family. There is a good quote on this that goes something along the lines of: “luck is where preparation meets opportunity” by the Roman philosopher Seneca and this could not apply more to setting a reasonable schedule. Plan to get up, have a routine of either meditating, making your bed, working out, eating, making your meals, etc. and you will be on your way to becoming better than you were yesterday, move on over your ex, and on your way to becoming a better man.

Should You Use Porn After Breaking Up?

“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
– Oscar Wilde

It was the Fall semester of my second year away from home at college, and I had a seemingly difficult decision to make. I had just woken up from a glorious nap after a glorious chest workout after getting back from the college gym and was feeling rather relaxed and unmotivated to go to class. Sitting at my small desk in my relatively cramped dorm room I started surfing the web on my laptop trying to kill the time. My aimless and time-consuming surfing eventually led me to the main page of my favorite porn category and to the “big breasts” section. Captivated by the lumps of large fat on the pixellated images of womens’ chests, I realized I had to choose to either keep watching or go to my statistics class, where I was already struggling to maintain a C average. Somehow the images of beautiful women seemed much more appealing to me than the idea of learning the standard deviation of a sample population. Inevitable the women won the contest and I took the low road of skipping class to see a few more pixellated images of a naked girl while I lost track of time.

Did I end of regretting this decision? Yes I did. Turns out I missed some crucial material some other girls in the class informed me. Several of the smartest girls in the class seemingly immune to the beyond-powerful distractions of sex told I had missed important material, but let me try to salvage the situation by copying their notes. The end result? I ended up barley scraping away with a C average for the course. This experience taught me some important lessons about how to deal with porn while in college and getting over a breakup:

Don’t over do it

I am not an advocate of pornography nor do I thing it’s the best thing since sliced bread but I do realize many guys are going to look at it regardless, because the fact is is that young guys tend to be obsessed with the opposite sex. If you can’t abstain from looking at it all together then I would suggest to at least try to limit it to around three times per week, max. You will know when you are looking at it too much and it is a problem when you are like me and decide to skip class to look just one more video five minutes before class starts and suddenly realize class is over the next time you look at the clock. Or, it might be best to moderate yourself to only one day a week where you can let loose. I think Oscar Wilde said it best: “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”

2. Do the benefits outweigh the costs?

Another thing to account for in your decision to include porn in your life is to ask yourself the question: “do the benefits of doing this outweigh the costs?” If for example you find that you are not pursuing other girls and going out on dates Saturday night because you would rather watch porn, then the benefits definitely do not outweigh the costs, because your porn is getting in the way of you moving forward in life and getting a real live girlfriend, which is way better. If on the other hand you find that your sexuality is out of hand, and you use watching porn every once in a while to calm yourself down sexually instead of going out and having sex with lots of girls and potentially getting a girl pregnant, then the benefits may outweigh the costs. You have to weigh which option fits you and see if you can handle being without porn or having porn in moderate amounts in your life.

3. Is it too distracting to you?

This is another question you have to ask yourself when you are evaluating whether you should include porn in your life. While you are in your introductory statistics class do you find your mind wandering and looking forward to getting a good workout when class ends, or do you find yourself looking forward to watching porn? When you are at the bar or out with the bros do you find yourself getting distracted because you are thinking about it? Even when you are on a date with an attractive cute girl do you find yourself getting distracted from her because you are thinking about what what you are going to do when you get home? If so then maybe it’s time you decide to cut it out of your life.

4. Quitting porn can help you get over a breakup

There has been a movement the last couple of years going on throughout the internet that is advocating for guys to quit porn and masturbating, but I mistakenly did this several years ago when my girlfriend broke up with me while I was in my third and last year of college. Since I had had a steady girlfriend for almost two years, I was not used to watching porn or even masturbating at all and had abstained from that anyway because she had replaced the need for it. Shortly after we broke up, I began to associate porn with failure because it reminded me of being single, and it became unappealing. I didn’t watch porn for nearly half a year and can actually say I was a happier man, with more confidence and felt like I had more self control. It was almost a liberating feeling. I began to feel myself become more productive, and I think this helped me spiral upward and forget about my girlfriend and move on to bigger and better things.

5. Porn may also help you get over a breakup

After I had not used porn for about half a year, I looked at a couple of pictures and videos of naked girl on the internet. I then realized after looking at the pictures how attracted I was to these other girls who weren’t my girlfriend, and this gave me the realization that there were other girls out there besides my ex-girlfriend. Seeing this ultimately gave me the motivation to go out and talk to other girls and get another girlfriend because it showed me there were other fish in the sea, so in a weird way porn motivated me to see other girls and get over my girlfriend faster.

I am not a big fan of porn and ultimately do not recommend it because I know it gives a lot of young guys trouble, but I believe porn is mostly what you make of it. If you have the discipline and the willpower then it can be a positive in your life that will suppress unreasonably extra sexual urges or fantasies. It can also be a double edged sword and more often than not be a distraction and negative force in your life that will make it harder for you to get over a breakup and move on with your life, so I recommend being cautious, and when in doubt, throw it out.

5 Things Not To Do After A Breakup

“The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.”
– Theodore Roosevelt

We as men like to make mistakes seemingly more and more often than our female companions. I have had my fair of mistakes during and after breakups, including but not limited to calling her 24,847 in one night that resulted to just crying in the shower alone. Don’t take that road, I’m here to tell you there is another way. Here are five mistakes I have made as well as five mistakes I’ve seen my buddies and other guys make during a breakup:

You call way too much even though she blocked you

When girlfriend who decided to cheat on me and throw it in my face during our last fight broke up with me that day several years ago, I was confused and angry and thought the only sensible thing to do at that time was to bombard her phone with phone calls, despite the fact that I had no idea she blocked my number. When you call her phone and it only rings two times exactly every time you call her, that more than likely means one of two possibilities: she either blocked your number or her phone is dead. Based on the modern behaviors and tendencies of 20-something year old females to be attached to their phones in the year 2019 and never let it die, odds are that she probably blocked you, so calling for the 14th time is wasting your time.

2. You sit at home and watch depressing movies

I was guilty of this too when I had a girl breakup with me who I wasn’t even that interested in. I was about to break up with her on one hot Summer night when she unexpectedly broke the news to me, and I was almost mad that she beat me to the punch. Nevertheless, I decided to watch too many sad movies before going to bed that week because I felt sorry for myself and fell into the feel sorry for yourself trap. Don’t sit at home and watch something depressing, go out and have a beer with the bros or hang out with your mom or dad, your time will be much better spent this way.

3. You try to find a rebound

One lonely weeknight during the Spring when I had just started graduate school I decided to go to the local bar/ dance club to try to find a rebound to get over my most recent breakup with an ex. I paid the five dollar cover charge and approached the dance floor like a boss and with the confidence that every girl in the world desperately wanted me. I made the mistake of approaching one girl who looked almost identical to my ex and asked her if she wanted to be my rebound. Needless to say the result wasn’t successful. Don’t find a rebound girl because:

a) You will most likely feel worse afterwards and

b) The girl you are using for a rebound will more than likely disapprove thereby ruining your chances with the rebound girl. Who knows? Maybe the rebound girl could have been good girlfriend material.

4. You drink yourself into beyond oblivion.

One of buddies had a habit of this whenever him and his girlfriend would routinely breakup on the weekends. As fate would have it, they broke up one time at one of my own weekend parties, and he ended up locking himself in his Jeep while drunk, upset, and beyond furious at his then-girlfriend. We finally got him to unlock the car, but the lesson was clear – drinking to dull the pain of a breakup is not a good strategy, and will impair your judgement to the point where you will lock yourself in your own car for hours through tears of crying, frustration, anger, and confusement.

5. You hang out alone for days or even months

This is what I did when I had my first real breakup as a young college lad. My girlfriend called and broke up with me over the phone, and the following semester I decided to lock myself in my dorm and only involve myself in the three activities of working out, eating chicken and rice, and going to class. It wasn’t until I started hanging out with my best friend and parents the next semester that I realized it wasn’t the end of the world, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Hanging out with other people will show you that you are not lame and you are a good guy who sometimes makes bad decisions. Even if you regret a decision you made in the past whether it was calling your girlfriend like a terrorist, watching too many depressing movies, using another girl as a rebound, drinking yourself almost to the point of liver damage, or being too socially introverted there are plenty more chances in the future to find someone new, and for now you can hang out with the bros or your family and enjoy other things life has to offer.

Like this post? Check out my other similar post I made on some five concrete rules you can follow post-breakup, so you can move on from your last girlfriend and become a better man: https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/2019/08/25/example-post/.

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