How To Get Over a Breakup

How To Get Over A Breakup During COVID

“The course of true love did never run smooth.”
– William Shakespeare, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”

She looked in my eyes deeply and told me how she felt, and it hurt. The fact that she seemed to be sincerely honest about how she was feeling did not help either, because I wish she was lying.

“I want to go do this, it’s my dream,” she told me calmly and quietly.

There was really no arguing with that, since you can’t argue with how someone feels, much less against what they want to do with their life and what their dreams and passions are. Her dream was to move halfway around the world after college and live in Europe indefinitely. I, of course, was not in that dream, and that hurt. A lot.

We had been dating a year, and I really liked this girl. She was different than all the others. She was weird, but not too weird – just the right amount of weird. She was cute, as well as pretty, and had a cute quirky personality that everyone liked, especially her friends. Her friends liked her so much that it grew to a point in our relationship as we grew closer that some of her more malicious friends grew jealous, and almost resentful of my existence as a human being on this Earth, and tried to sabotage the relationship. Nevertheless, she was my girl and I was in love with her, although I was beginning to wonder if she was in love with me.

We were sitting in the park on our last day together, and tears were streaming down her soft child-like cheeks as she hugged me for one last time. I had never really seen her cry before, which to me, seemed unusual for a girl to never cry. The tears streaming down her cheeks were a testament to the fact that we may never see each other again, spoke about the gravity of the situation, and the fact that I was losing a girl who I seemed to love so much and had grown so fond of. Her tears were a silent way of communicating that she knew I would never be in her life anymore, and because I loved her so much, I forced myself not to cry either. I did not want to cause her another ounce of pain beyond what she was already experiencing. It was already heartbreaking to see such a small, fragile, quirky girl who had barely shed a tear this entire relationship now in helpless tears.

I spend the next year avoiding the responsibility of moving on. I found the cost of facing the pain too much to bear, so I buried it under the rug. I metaphorically buried it inside of me, only to for it to be recovered and dealt with in a more drastic, upfront way on a later date.

Then COVID hit. As you all know, it completely changed the landscape of what it means to be alone, and this affected me in a unique way. Being alone forced me to deal with my feelings. It forced me to deal with my inner thoughts. It forced me to deal with my inner emotions, and forced me and helped me get over my breakup with my ex who seemingly left so long ago. Using mediation, prayer, being alone, working out, and diet, I felt like I was able to make progress in terms of moving on as well as becoming a better man. Here are the steps I used to get over my breakup during COVID that you can use and implement in your life as well to help you get over your already difficult breakup during a very difficult time:

Be ok with being alone

Many people are not ok with being alone, and feel like they have to surround themselves with other people to feel whole. While being around other people like your friends and family is nice and is actually healthy, being alone and being ok with being alone is also very healthy and a vital tool for getting over your breakup during COVID. Know that when you’re alone, you can use this time for yourself to improve, grow as a person, and reflect and be in your own thoughts. Not only is this invaluable, but practicing this is psychologically healthy in my opinion.

2. Meditate

I used to think meditation was some kind of voodoo religious ritual that only people in yoga did who were hippies and liked doing drugs all day. I associated that persona with mediation, and avoided it all together. Big mistake for me. Meditation on its own in my opinion is a form of self-therapy. If you have ever gone to therapy, some types involve a therapist asking you questions the entire time so you can explore your own mind, and reach your conclusions on why you think the way you do. Mediation is the same thing except you’re alone in a room and you get to explore your own thoughts and feelings without anyone else around. Simply observing your own thoughts and processes will allow you to feel more focused, clear, and you may even reach conclusions on problems that previously seemed difficult. Research has also shown that meditation improves your ability to learn as well as overall feelings of being happy. So get a pillow, sit on it, cover your head with a blanket maybe, and do nothing.

3. Consider getting an animal

For some reason, small animals and pets seem to really make us happy. Think back to the last time you saw a 12-week-old puppy. Were you mad in that moment? Were you unhappy while you held her? Were you angry while she licked your face and likely bit everything in sight? Ok, maybe you got a little annoyed the puppy starting biting every piece of furniture in the house. But you probably got over as soon as she starting licking your face again and cuddled with you on the couch. Not only will getting a small animal such as a puppy, kitten, or even a pet pig make you feel happier on a regular basis, (yes, some people have pet pigs and they’re awesome) but this animal will give you more responsibility and something to do besides think about your ex, will give you more exercise, and will force you to go outside and enjoy the weather when you need to take her on a walk. Besides, when it’s COVID, you have to stay home all day anyway, so you may as well be in good company.

4. Call your friends/family/videochat

We are all isolated from each other for weeks at a time, but who says we can’t call one another or videochat and catch up? You may be feeling a little down about your girlfriend who dumped you, and being alone seemingly does not help your situation at all, but you can call you mom, dad, sister, brother, and any of your bros. People may even think you’re weird for calling but it’s ok. The last time I called someone I called a girl who she seemed confused that I was calling, and asked me, “is everything ok?” I replied to her everything was fine, I was just calling to talk on the phone and once we talked, it was like a breath of fresh air. We are so addicted to our phones and texting that we forget to actually use the dang things for what they were actually designed for – calling someone! So call someone, and stop feeling sad about the girl who you thought was the love of your life because I promise you there are other people out there who you can talk to and call, and they will appreciate you called when you do.

5. Watch an old movie that you used to love

When my ex left me to go live on the other side of the world for the rest of her life, as you can can imagine I was kind of down. I remember sitting on the couch one night while feeling sorry for myself, while eating salmon and brown rice with a salad. During my attempt at eating a healthy dinner, I was scouring videos on the internet when I came across an old movie that I used to love and watch as a little kid. In particular, this old movie reminded me of my mom, and when I watched it it reminded me of when my mom was young, and when she used to take care of me. A feeling of warmth and love passed over me, and it was then I realized how much I truly love my mom. Then everything else seemed insignificant. My breakup, my boring dinner, and broken heart all seemed not to matter in that moment, and I felt really good about myself and felt nostalgic when I went to bed that night. That night was one of the first steps in healing over my breakup, and it was all because of an old movie and how it reminded me of my mom.

6. Enjoy life

I know this phrase seems kind of broad, but what I really mean is enjoy the details in life that make life enjoyable for you. Enjoy the things that make life life. Enjoy small things that you take for granted and that are beyond wonderful gifts. Enjoy the weather outside, enjoy feeling the black dirt in between your fingers, enjoy getting up and being able to move around, enjoy feeling the cool air, enjoy feeling your body and being able to see, and try to do the little things that you love every day. The things I have found that make life great are the little things such as these, and being able to see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. Enjoy all of these little things, because I promise you that there are some people out there who didn’t and do not get to enjoy these wonderful and amazing gifts you have been granted each and every blessing of a day. Don’t take it for granted and appreciate it, and use this to move on, get over your breakup, and become a better man.

Want some, concrete rules and advice on how to get over a breakup with your ex-girl? Check out my rules on how you should act immediately after a breakup -https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/2019/08/25/example-post/, as well as check out the five common things/mistakes that guys do after a breakup – https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/2019/08/31/5-things-not-to-do-after-a-breakup/.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. Please do not take my advice as if I were a doctor or medical professional, as I am not qualified to give that kind of health advice. Please be smart, and use your best judgement when starting a new diet/health/exercise plan and consult your doctor before starting a new diet/health/exercise plan. Thank you.

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Workout Post-Breakup – The Perfect Workout To Help You Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend

Success isn’t always about ‘Greatness’, it’s about consistency. Consistent, hard work gains success. Greatness will come.
– Dwayne Johnson

I was lost. Completely lost and had no idea what to do, what direction to turn in, and how to handle it. I had been broken up with before, but boys, this was different. The last girl who dumped me did it very softy and gently, and let me down easy. Almost like letting a gently feather drop to the ground, without a sound. This one did not do that. She took my heart, mercilessly ripped it out of my chest before my eyes, threw it on the ground, grabbed up a sledgehammer, and stomped the thing into the ground with no sorrow whatsoever. I was devastated.

She had cheated on me. How could this be? The girl I trusted with everything, the one who seemed to be so trustworthy, forthright, and full of the virtues. She betrayed me, and because I had trusted her, I felt like I betrayed myself. Because she failed to be faithful, I felt like I failed to make a crucial decision. Could I even trust my own decision-making anymore? Could I trust myself anymore? I did not even know if I could answer that. I needed something to build trust in myself again. I needed a rock, an anchor, a shield, a suit of armor. I needed to work out.

I had forgotten how scrawny I had become. The weights felt like tons. My body felt like little spaghetti noodles. God, how far gone was I at this point? There was only one way to find out, and that was to keep lifting.

The weights moved slow, and so did the progress, but the progress came. With the progress came the self confidence. With the self confidence came the trust in myself. With the trust in myself came the healing. With the healing came the me getting over the breakup, and becoming a better man.

There was no guide, no set of rules, or no set standard to really follow when it came to working out while I was trying to get over my ex. There was nothing that seemed to be tailored to me, what I needed. There was nothing that seemed to fit my needs and there was no real guide in helping my sad self post-breakup. Here I am going to give you some guidelines to follow post-breakup when working out, that will help you get into a routine, which is crucial to moving on and getting over your ex:

Find a routine, any routine

When you are sad and down about your girlfriend breaking up with you our routines begin to slip. We tend to sleep late, get up late, and eat whatever, whenever. This is not good when it comes to getting over your ex-girlfriend, and moving on. Our bodies love routine, and so do our minds. Once you get into a routine, it will help you start working out, eating, and living healthy automatically. I know, it is easy to go to the gym and want to just do whatever feels good, and this can be beneficial sometimes, but for the most-part you need to go online and find a routine that works for you or find a plan that works for you and your goals, whatever they may be. You may want to get leaner, lose fat, gain muscle, or just maintain and stay healthy. These are all good goals, but the point is, find a routine and make it easy on yourself. You just got your heart broke, you deserve it.

2. Just get in there

One of the keys to practicing a skill or hobby whether it be practicing piano, cooking, working out, or doing yoga is to just start. That is usually the hardest part. But once you begin and go through the motions of what you’re supposed to do, it becomes easier, and you’ll actually enjoy it. There will be many days where you won’t want to work out, especially if you are already sad and down about your girlfriend breaking up with you. This is perfectly fine/ok. The key is starting, and beginning the task. That is when you will start to notice results.

3. Consistency is key

This may have been repeated so many times to the point where you are tired of hearing it, but it is so true. The greatest results come from being consistent, not by working out a couple of days really hard, then taking the rest of the month off. Stick to schedule, plan, or routine, and take it day by day. Don’t be oppressive to yourself, and have a schedule that you stick to that you know you can follow, and for the most part follow it. It is ok if you have a weekend here or there where you slip up, or a few days even. But follow the plan for majority of the time, and you will see progress in your goals, as well as progress in getting over your ex-girl.

4. But don’t overdo it

“Exercise to stimulate, not to annihilate. The world wasn’t formed in a day, and neither were we.” – Lee Haney, former IFBB professional bodybuilder. These words could not be more true. I used to have the mentality that “more is better” and “more is more” and many of us in the United States have this mentality. When I would go into into a gym and follow principle #1 of using a routine the plan would say, “do 3 sets of 6-8 reps.” Of course, me being my dumb and naïve self would do 3 sets of 50 reps, thinking that I would get 50 times bigger by doing 50 times the exercise. Sorry Charlie, life does not work this way. The truth is that less actually is more. You want to follow a workout that stimulates your muscles, not destroys them, this is where the actual growth and progress comes from. This will save you time, your health, as well as your sanity when doing more-intense workout. Your heart will thank you for it when you get to the day you are over your ex and feel more confident.

5. Be open-minded

When I was younger, I thought yoga was dumb and weird. I didn’t know anything about it, other than it seemed like it was a bunch of hippies chanting weird noises while worshiping some sort of God I didn’t know about or understand. Boy, I could not have been more wrong. Then one day, I started an online yoga class, and my mind and body were changed. I was more flexible, more calm, and was a better man. It was a new kind of workout that I had never experienced before and I really liked it. It is one of those things you have to try for yourself. Don’t let your preconceived notions prevent you from trying new things, and getting over your ex-girlfriend.

6. Don’t give up!

This kind of ties in with being consistent. Do not give up on your goals, whenever they get touch and seem out of reach. I am not advocating for literally “never ever giving up not matter what,” because there are times you should leave a goal behind and turn towards something new and cut your losses. But the key is to be consistent and keep going when you face signs of adversity, because that’s when you will make breakthroughs and real progress. I play piano, and I love it, but plateaued a long time in my progress of piano playing, and by a long time I mean years. It was borderline awful, slow, and boring. I never seemed to get better. But one day something clicked, and I don’t know what. Maybe it was because I finally understood the circle of fifths, or began to understand scales, or improved my ability to read music. I don’t know exactly what it was, but everything clicked. I played better. I read music better. I improved, and it felt so damn good.

The same thing holds true of anything, including working out. You will stall, you will plateau for a long time, but the progress will come. Like working out, you will plateau in your progress of getting over a breakup, but one day the progress will come when you get over the breakup, and the results will taste all the more sweeter.

Need some tips/rules on how to maintain your diet during a breakup? Check out my posts on the importance of a simple diet during a breakup: https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/2021/02/04/dieting-for-a-breakup-the-subtle-art-of-simplicity/ and my post on some basic rules for following a diet during a breakup: https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/2019/08/26/diet-for-a-breakup-why-you-should-watch-your-diet-during-this-time/.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. Please do not take my advice as if I was a doctor or medical professional, as I am not qualified to give that kind of health advice. Please be smart, and use your best judgement when starting a new diet/health/exercise plan and consult your doctor before starting a new diet/health/exercise plan. Thank you.

Dieting For a Breakup – The Subtle Art of Simplicity

I describe myself as a simple Buddhist monk. No more, no less.
– Dalai Lama

In the world of fad diets such as going keto, low-carb, high protein/ low fat, paleo, and much more it is easy to get lost in the mass of information of all these diets, especially post break-up. If you just got dumped by the girl you thought was the love of your life, I know how you feel when it comes to dieting. You don’t feel like you have the discipline, let alone the energy to maintain a steady and effective diet.

Rewind several years ago. I had just been dumped by “the love of my life.” In the worst possible way too. She decided to throw it in my face during a fight that she was seeing someone else, and then proceeded to dump me. Ouch. Thas hurt. So I went home and sulked for a good couple of months. I would eat just the bare minimum. Breakfast? Let’s eat 200 calories. Lunch? Who has time for that? Dinner? We’ll try to eat a little more, but it’s going to consist of something bland, and it’s not going to be much food. It will probably be a piece of chicken, and some brown rice.

I knew I should be watching my diet post-breakup. I knew I was in the “danger zone” of a post-breakup time period and watching your diet is key when it comes to getting over a girl, so I didn’t completely let me diet fall by the wayside, and at least tried to get in a good breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday. Eventually, I healed. Eventually, I moved on. Eventually, I realized that the power of watching your diet was like the secret key to getting over a breakup. It was like the secret formula that I figured out worked in helping getting over a girl.

Of course, getting over your ex-girlfriend is not only about watching your diet and taking care of your awesome self, it involves a host of other strategies that I will discuss later in more posts to you fine gentlemen. One of the most important things to remember in your diet in my opinion is to remember to keep it simple. Think of the phrase someone else invented: “keep it simple stupid” or “keep it simple silly.” It will work wonders for you and it will catapult you into not feeling like you have to cry everytime you think about “the love of your life.” Here’s why:

Keeping your diet simple will make it easy to follow

Seriously. It will do wonders. So many people complicate their lives with unnecessary B.S. – especially when it comes to meals. When I was a freshman in college I was getting over my hardest breakup I think I have ever been in, but I ate the same exact meals every single day. I know it sounds boring. But guess what? I didn’t go too off the rails. I was structured. I could eat without even thinking about it, and that was highly useful.

2. Keeping your diet simple will give you the ability to make gains.

There is a rule in weightlifting – it’s called progressive overload (by the way I didn’t coin this term). It involves gradually increasing the amount you lift every day so that you increase the load placed on your muscles everyday, so that in time your muscles will adapt and grow. This same principle can be applied to diet. If you eat the same amount and food every day, and just add 400-500 calories, then you will make what are called “gains” or muscular gains, and will grow. The same can be applied if you eat 400-500 calories less each day.

3. Keeping your diet simple will lower you anxiety

Think about all of anxiety and complications it causes when you have to decide on something different to cook for dinner, for every dinner, every night. Your mind and your body gets stressed out when there are more options, because it complicates your life and makes it more stressful. No one wants to have unnecessary stress, so why not cut it out and have the same dinner every night and it be something you find tasty? You are already going through enough stress as it is going through a breakup.

4. Keeping your diet simple will allow you to enjoy your food more

The one drawback of eating the same food everyday is that food might taste boring and things could get bland, but coincidentally when you do have food that’s not normally on your diet you will enjoy it more and love it. When you have eaten the same dinner every night for the past month and eat a piece of pizza, that pizza will taste amazing. Not only will it taste better when you deviate from your diet, but you will also be able to actually enjoy your food while on your diet, because you will not be stressed out about the decision process.

5. Keeping your diet simple will allow you to focus on what really matters

Have to study for six hours for an accounting exam that you have no idea whether you will pass or not? That’s ok if you are on the simple diet, you can just shove food in your mouth while not thinking and get the fuel in your body you need. Going on an adventure date with your new girlfriend? That’s ok too if you are on the simple diet. Just grab your food and go. Have to go to wedding you already don’t want to go to because of a family obligation or to be there for a family member? That’s ok too, just eat your simple diet a little early before bed, so that you can wake up in the morning and get there on time.

6. Keeping your diet simple will keep you from ultimately falling apart, and will preserve what little self confidence you have left

The one thing that kept me together I think in two of my hardest breakups in the past was my simple diet. Just eating simply, and not complicating. Eating the same dinner, eating the same lunches, eating the same breakfasts. Consistency breeds results, and nothing can be more true about this than when it comes to your diet. Keeping it simple, and falling into a routine each and every day will give you the tools and confidence to overcome life’s greatest obstacles. I truly believe this. I also believe you are a man that is capable of using this tool of maintaining a simple diet to get over your breakup, and become a better man.

If you enjoyed this post, I highly, highly recommend you check out my first post on this subject matter, which goes over the six reasons you should even eat healthy post-breakup anyway, and how that will help you get over a breakup: https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/2019/08/26/diet-for-a-breakup-why-you-should-watch-your-diet-during-this-time/.

Taking Up For Yourself

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
– Winston Churchill

I was walking back from the cafeteria to my locker. I had just ate, was feeling good, motivated, had my actual real-live girlfriend beside me, and felt like I was somewhat on the right path. I was young, had a ton of energy, and had youthful innocence that was validated by my age as well as my auburn hair, light reddish skin, and blue eyes. Ahhhh – the good ole’ days of high school. Little did I know I was naive for what was about to come.

The kids who usually bullied me were waiting for me to cross the empty area outside besides the soda machines. They did not care that my girlfriend was with me, or about decency or moral values. They were a true testament to the face that there is an inherently indescribingly cruel nature to human beings that only wants to inflict pain, embarrassment, and human suffering. Their sole purpose during this time was to inflict pain and humiliation on someone, for a reason unknown to me. Maybe it was to make up for their own insecurities in an otherwise cruel and unfair world. To this day I still ask myself why these kids were cruel.

One of them took the cowardly opportunity to take a cheap shot and push me in the side while I was walking away from them while holding my girlfriend’s hand. This was especially embarrassing to me, because I had never had a girlfriend before, and wanted to impress her and cared deeply what she thought about me. She was nice to me, and that made me care about her perspective of me even more, and only made me not want to embarass myself even more in front of her.

The push hurt. Not only physically but emotionally too. These were the cool kids, and I didn’t want her to think I was a loser. I even cared about what the cool kids thought of me too.

I heard laughing by the other kids who were watching, and realized they were about to start their normal routine of taking turns pushing while I walked, and of taking turns humiliating me.

Then I felt something. I’m not sure what it was, but it was deep inside of me. It was this feeling of rage mixed with anger, but it also included courage. I felt this small sense of bravery deep within my heart and something was telling, “do something Zach, do something.” So I did.

When the same kid went to go and push me again I pushed back, hard. He was surprised and shocked, and almost fell down because of the blow that it gave to his body, and likely his ego. The laughers abruptly stopped, and everyone who was watching was deeply silent and had this look of shock on their face. I was almost as shocked as everyone else, and I think the shock came from the fact that I had actually taken up for myself. I walked away with my girlfriend to the lockers inside the building.

I almost felt bad for what I had done, and almost hated myself for pushing back in the first place. The looks on their faces were fear mixed with shocked, and I hated it when they looked at me like that. I almost hated it as much as I hated being bullied. It made me feel uncontrolled, like I had committed some sort of crime, even though I knew I hadn’t.

When we got back to the lockers and in other moments, my girlfriend didn’t say anything. She was a sweet girl, was always nice to me, and I miss her to this day. She could read the expression on my face, and could see I was about to bust into tears. She could feel my pain, was attentive to it, and did what was needed most in that moment – not saying a single word and just being there. It was like she could understand what was unspoken, and it was like she could understand the words that were already said, even if they hadn’t been spoken at all. I just stayed at my locker and did my very best, to fight back the tears and begin sobbing alone.

Taking up for yourself is hard. Standing up for what you think is hard. To make things harder, even when you do take up for yourself and stand up for what is right, people will still ostracize you and make you feel like you are wrong for standing up for what is right. There are mean, evil people in the world who do not care about you or your agenda. They have fallen victim to the worst parts that characterize humanity, and use their deepest insecurities, fears, and pain to hurt you and destroy every bit of you and your emotional being. This is a cruel but seemingly eternal truth.

The important key to remember is not to let these people who have fallen to cowardice not to deter you from standing up for yourself when you have been wronged. It takes a lot of guts to stand up to these kind of people, and this particular kind of evil. When I stood up to those bullies that day I had a kind of transformation. This transformation was eternal, and it made me later see the importance of standing up for yourself when people have wronged you, and are wronging you. It will bring about a new level of self-confidence, aurora, and feeling of freedom. It will make you more confident in your abilities in everything that you do, and you will remember this point when you confront something new, more challenging, and more difficult. You will grow the ever-important character traits of courage and bravery, and not only will you be able to stand up for yourself, but you will be able to stand up for other people too, which will make the whole world better.

Do these things and remember the importance of bravery and I promise you you will become a better man. You will develop more character, and will develop more toughness and grit so that people can rely on you and trust you, and you will be able to follow and trust your gut more like I did. These character traits are paramount in getting over a breakup, and becoming a better man.

Being Lucky

I think we consider too much the luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.
– Franklin D. Roosevelt

I had just met a girl I really liked. She was young, seemed smart, was nice to me, and was attractive. She was agreeable, and seemed to be ok with going on and doing whatever adventure I could conjure up in my head. That made me like her even more.

We went on our first date and met up in my usual location where I meet first dates to get to know them, and everything went well. She seemed to be shy and reserved and almost scared of me at first, but then warmed up to me pretty well. By the end of the date she was practically falling into my arms.

It wasn’t all roses and lilies though. She showed me that life is no walk in the park. As beautiful, cute, smart, and nice as she was she had her share of difficulties in life. She had missed most of high school because she had gotten sick, and required surgeries that were no fault of her own. She suffered digestive disorders, as well as issues with anxiety that were so severe she had to take medication. Her joints gave her issues when she moved, to the point where sometimes it gave her trouble walking. If you looked at her you would never know this pretty, young, smart, and cute girl who was basically just beginning the long and complex journey of life had been dealt such a cruel, unfair hand in life. My heart hurt for her to the point where when I got home I sat and thought about it and it made me angry.

Why are some people given perfect health and perfect bodies and live with perfect health into old age? Why are some other people seemingly not even given a chance to live out their lives the way I did? Why am I not given the opportunities to live my life out the way some others have?

She came over to my house on the second date, and we had a good time. I liked her even more. We talked and cuddled and got to know each other. She seemed interested in me, and I was just as interested in her.

Our perfect night was cut short, when she got sick. She unexpectedly was forced to the bathroom by her own bodies involuntary revolt, and her pain was not only reserved physically. I could see the embarrassment, the pain, the upset on her pretty face, and it deeply hurt me to see her this way. The pain in my heart for her ran so deep that it seemed like there was someone intentionally stabbing my soul, trying to hurt me. She apologized for her physical lapse, while her face turned red and everything on her face said, “no, not again.” I tried to be understanding as I could, and told her everything was alright. This seemed to proved no cure for her embarrassment whatsoever. We napped together so she could get some sleep before she went home, and she finally went home after our second encounter.

This was painful for me to see, not only because I saw a girl I liked suffering and in pain, but because it was a true testament to the statement that life is not at all fair. It never was, and it seems it never will be. Those words are every bit as cruel as they are true. Some of us are given seemingly perfectly healthy bodies and all the opportunities in the world, while others are seemingly given nothing, and even worse, are seemingly given a life full of pain, despair, and hardship. It is one of life’s truest testaments, while also being one of it’s harshest realities. I wish I could change it, but I just can’t.

The silver lining that lies beneath that I am saying about all of this is that having a perspective on all of this can make you grateful for what you do have, and what you have been given. The other day I was complaining to myself in my own head about how I wished I had perfect eyesight, or how I wished I didn’t ever get an upset stomach. But I remembered how bad other people have it. How other people deal with issues that would make my issues laughable, a walk in the park, a cakewalk. How other people deal and have dealt with a level of pain and discomfort and agony that I have never even dreamed about. It is sad and hurtful, yet humbling to think about at the same time.

So the next time you think about how awful it is to get broken up with (it is), how much you miss your ex-girlfriend (I’m sure you do), or how unfair life is to you (I’m sure it is), think about how unfair life has been to other people. Think about that one person you know/knew who was struggling with their health way more than you ever have, young soldiers being sent to fight and die in war, or people who have been treated wrongly/unfairly during wartime to the point of being raped, executed, or killed. This will put life into perspective for you. This will put your perspective of your life being hard into the perspective of how hard life can actually be, and it will ultimately lead you into feeling one feeling – grateful. You will feel grateful of how good you actually have it, and will feel grateful that you are alive, breathing, and have the strength and will to go another day, to get over your ex-girlfriend, to live life and do things you love with the people you love, and to be a better man.

Lust

Lust is the cause of generation
-Leonardo Da Vinci

You are much younger than me, only 19. That bothers me some, because I am a lot older than you and know that maturity matters. You seem quiet, innocent, but you are very cute. I can’t help but find you attractive.

I get to know you, and I increasingly like what I get to know. You seem adventurous, and fun. You start to remind me of what it feels like to love again, to have passion, to feel romance, to be in love, to be vulnerable, even though heartbreak is dangerous for me. God, it has been such a long time since I have felt that, but I have to say it is nice to feel.

We sit in my car and talk, and I can’t keep my hands off you, and neither can you it seems. We are close, and the attraction of you is like the incredibly pull of a magnet, pulling me in, drawing me close, and leaving me wanting you more. I check myself to see if I am wearing any metal – no, there seems to be no metal on my body so it can’t be some sort of sophisticated electromagnet you’re using on me. It can only be you’re aurora.

The night quickly fades and you have to go soon I know. I don’t want you to go, I could stay with you all night, but every chapter has an ending, and every every page must be turned for the next for story to unfold and build anticipation.

You texted me the next morning, and the next day, and it made me feel good about myself. Made me feel validated maybe, but nevertheless good. Was this real? Was I actually having a human connection with you? Or was this fake and just a phase for someone else, only to leave me wondering where you went? Time will only tell. Time will only tell.

Then the next day you texted me. “I’m still not over someone else,” you say.
“I’m sorry but I don’t want to lead you on,” you then explain. I was confused, and felt let-down.

So I replied with a very long message and used every magical writing power I had. It worked, and seemed to completely change your mind. You seemed to want me more than ever now. We started texting more, talking more. The anticipation was building. You got more sexual, and started teasing me. I loved it, and wanted more. I teased you too, and you loved it and wanted more. You would tell me, “God, I want you so bad right now,” and I would tell you I want you too. I would think about you and text you more than anyone I have texted for years. Is this lust? Is this the beginnings of falling in love? Why do I feel such an attraction to you, and why does it feel like you have a power over me that I cannot control yet feels so good? I look forward to seeing you again, and it would be ok with me if we just cuddled. I just want you to be close to me, close to my body, so that I can be close to you and feel the nice feeling of having you near. I want to feel your skin against mine, instead of these cold lifeless sheets in my bed, and I want to talk to you and ask you more questions and attempt to figure you out, what makes you tick, and and what makes you happy, sad, and satisfied.

I know patience is a virtue, but you’re a girl who knows how to make it hard and seemingly impossible to wait. I will only ask you to do one thing for me that you probably won’t be able to do anyway – just promise me you won’t break my heart like the others?

Like this blog? Is it help you getting over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog by clicking on https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/blog-feed/ and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go to https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/contact/ and enter in your e-mail along with your comment. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Skill Learning – How to Learn to Play the Piano

It is dreadful when something weighs on your mind, not to have a soul to unburden yourself to. You know what I mean. I tell my piano the things I used to tell you.
– Frederic Chopin, classical pianist

This will be a new “series” or series of posts where I will teach you how to play the piano the no b.s. way

My girlfriend had dumped me in the worst possible way. We had just got done fighting. The reason? Because I had sat on her couch. Then she got into a big argument with me, and decided to use the fact that she was cheating on my with one of her coworkers as gasoline to add to the fire and take me down. Take me down she did. I went home and knew we might be broken up for good this time. With nothing to do, I decided to channel my energies into something productive. I have no idea why. Maybe it was because I had all of this emotion in me bottled up. Maybe it was because I was sad. Maybe it was because I was upset. Maybe it was because I was confused. Either way, I began to play.

I played my piano and used it to remind myself I am not a loser. I am competent. I do have hopes, goals and dreams, and to remind myself that just because I wasn’t in this person’s hopes, goals, and dreams was ok. It helped me remember I was going to be ok.

One of the most crucial things I have been saying over and over again is that learning a new skill is key to getting over a breakup and moving on to the girl of your dreams. Not only will it be incredibly valuable and useful to moving on and better yourself, but it is kind of like a “secret weapon” to use to make the girl of your dreams fall in love with you. It is one of the most surefire ways to impress a girl and win over her heart. Take it from me – when I played the piano for my last girlfriend when we were together at a public piano at University, she immediately told me she wanted to have sex with me the moment we got back to her dorm. Now that isn’t the only reason you should learn a new skill like piano while you are trying to get over a breakup, but damn it sure helps. Without further ado, here is my guide on how to learn the piano, and the steps I wish I was taught when learning piano, so that you can learn it the most effective way possible.

We all have seen those internet ads, which states, “learn piano in 48 hours or less!” This is b.s. This is complete b.s. This is so much b.s. that if I were to pile it up like the horse manure that I used to pile up at my parents house when I shoveled horse manure at the farm, it would have suffocated me. Piano is a skill that takes time. It takes weeks, months, and even years, but I promise you it is worth it and you will get paid back your efforts. Here I offer you a completely free no b.s. step-by process to learn piano. This is everything you will need to know to learn piano. Ready? Here it is:

The circle of fifths
How to read music
How to count music
Scales
Arpeggios
Chords
Cadences
Technical exercises to increase strength
Repertoire (pieces to work on your ability as a pianist)
Sitting, breathing, posture

That’s it. That’s all you need to know and study to get to an intermediate level like I am (for reference I am currently learning Moonlight Sonata, a very difficult piece). That’s plenty of what you need to know and learn to be able to impress your future girlfriend and to get over your ex girlfriend to be a better man. Again, this is not a b.s. guide on how to get better at the piano. It is a guide on helping you take the time to learn this invaluable skill, so that you can get over your ex-girlfriend, impress new girls, and become a better man. That is what this blog, How To Get Over A Breakup is all about.

So, in this new series of blog posts, I will go over these fundamentals step-by-step. No more wasted time, no more b.s., just the most efficient and most bang for your buck methods of learning piano, all for free. You can even shoot me an e-mail or contact me via https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/contact/ if you have a question over something you do not understanding and I will do my best to respond. Let me know if you would like to see this series, and if you would like to learn piano.

Like this blog? Is it helping you getting over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog by clicking on https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/blog-feed/ and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go to https://howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog/contact/ and enter in your e-mail along with your comment. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

The Sacrifice Made By Others

….we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender…
– Winston Churchill

It’s Europe 1945. You and your buddies are in a tank battalion sent to Europe to fight off thousands of Germans and defeat Nazi Germany from the tyrannical oppression created by this seemingly unstoppable country that has grown incredible strength. You left your job and were drafted just eight weeks prior before training in the Army to serve in a M4 Sherman tank. You are scared that you might not make it out alive. You miss your buddies back home, and you’re too young to be married. You don’t even have a girlfriend. You’re family is worried about you. You are ready to make the sacrifice.

The men around you are battle-hardened and ready. They have been to Africa, France, and now you are in Germany. They have seen the horrors of war, and are not strangers to death and killing. They are calloused, and do not put up with cowardice or lies. They see the truth in life, and see the truth of the true nature of man – men have the capacity for unspeakable violence.

The landscape is mostly mud. The men are dirty, tired, and weary, but most of all, they are ready to go home. You yourself can’t believe you got yourself in this situation, but know you have to be brave. Your buddies around you are counting on you. They are counting on you to perform, to be your best. All of this matters, because it’s at the stake of American lives.

The sacrifices made before us are too great and too unenumerable to count. From the time we supposedly made our way from the savannah of East Africa to the cold Alps of Europe, to the harsh climate of Asia across the Bering Straight to the mild climate of North America and more tropical, humid climate of Asia human beings have been at war. Hundreds of thousands lost their lives in the Crusades, in the belief they were sacrificing for God. Hundreds of thousands more died fighting the Romans when Rome sought to expand it’s already incredibly vast empire, and thousands more died in the Revolutionary War to gain independence from Great Britain. Still, thousands more died and sacrificed in the “war to end all wars” during World War I in the trenches of Europe, and thousands more died and sacrificed to free the world of Japan’s and Germany’s tyranny during World War II.

This amount of sacrifice can’t be quantified, and can’t be imagined by a mortal human being like you and me. We can try to imagine after knowing the sacrifice has been made, and after the heroes have fell.

“What implications does this have for you and me?” you might ask. Well there is one implication. This is to recognize the sacrifice and honor it. To know that there was some kid sent to fight and die in a war thousands of miles away 80 years ago to only never return. Or to only return with a slew of battle scars, lost friends, and unspeakable nightmares.

We can honor it by remembering the sacrifices made, and not only remember those sacrifices that were made but also carry out our remembrance of those who sacrificed by not focusing on the the problems in our life that are relatively small.

When your girlfriend breaks up with you, it is not the end of the world. For you to even exist, for you’re ex-girlfriend to even exist, and the fact that the relationship even existed is nothing short of a miracle. Your grandfather’s generation had to make incredible sacrifices and endure undefined amounts of pain for you to exist today. If they didn’t fight the Germans in the 1940’s and spend years in Sherman M4 tanks taking artillery fire, you or her may never have been born or at the very best, would be speaking German right now under a Nazi regime.

So, during your breakup with your ex-girlfriend, remember to not think about what you don’t have, but be thankful for the things you do have. We are alive. We are breathing. We won the war. We have freedom – all because of the previous generation’s sacrifice. Remember it everyday, and remember these people every single day, and maybe we can make our own sacrifices to make things better for the next generation. I promise that will make it better.

What Happened To You?

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

We were in love and at your apartment. You were unlike any girl I have ever dated before. You looked different. You acted different. You were more attractive. You were undescribingly unique. I was excited and felt lucky to call you mine.

I was in a good place in life. I had just graduated college, and the world was at my disposal. I felt like I could go in any direction, do anything that I wanted to do.

You had just made me breakfast, and I was in heaven. We had just got done having sex, and I was having the best shower while the smell of eggs and oatmeal came in the room. I sat down before leaving to go to school to have the meal that you prepared for me, and it tasted ten times better just because you had prepared it for me.

I took a break and played your guitar, and strummed a couple of satisfying chords as you hummed along a tune. That was something special to me that I think we shared – a love for music.

I was insanely attracted to you, and was attracted to everything about you. You were an ideal girl I envisioned as having as a girlfriend while I was in college. You had long hair, and you had a tiny waist and had an outgoing personality. You loved doing adventurous activities, and you were religious which is what I envisioned my future wife as being.

When you hugged me, it felt good. You would hug me tight, and look at me like you genuinely liked me and were attracted to me. We had seemingly the same moral values, and seemed to want to go in the same direction in life.

Then one day all of that changed. You called me and broke up with me. I came to your apartment shortly after to try to reconcile and talk in person with you, but you had made up your mind. We cried and ate chicken noodle soup, and I sat on your couch and played guitar one last time, and left.

I tried to reconcile one more time, and make things right between us, no matter how embarrassing it was. I was prepared to drive to your apartment and hold a jukebox over my head if that meant I could get you back.

I met you outside your apartment for the last time and got out of my car. God, I was so nervous for what I was about to do. I took out a bag and gave it to you. It was your Christmas presents, and you seemed to like them and think they were funny.

“This is going well,” I secretly thought to myself.

I then reached in my car and took out what I hoped would be my savior, my salvation, my secret weapon to help me convince this girl who I thought was the love of my life to be my girlfriend again.

I brought out my guitar and took it out of its guitar case. I started strumming the chords to play and sing you a special song, written by yours truly. I strummed the chords and felt my face getting red. I didn’t play and sing for anybody, except for my mom that one time on her birthday.

You giggled at some of the ridiculous and silly lyrics, and I felt my boyish face get even redder. Ever since I was a child, the one emotion I could never seem to hide was embarrassment. Only if I could have hid it in that moment.

The last line of the song was, “will you be with me?” which you answered quickly with a no followed be a giggle. There was no more reason for me to embarrass myself in public any longer, so I picked up my guitar, and drove home.

I didn’t hear from you until several months later. We met up and talked at a cafe and nothing really came of it. Then you popped into my life again a year or two after that, only to come over to my house and leave me heartbroken and disappointed again.

Then you got married, to someone who seemed no more special or unique than I ever was, and who seemed to be not very nice to you.

“Did she really leave me for him?” was the question I found myself asking myself countless times.

You even got divorced from this person, which made me feel more dumb and more confused as to why you broke up with me several years ago. We had similar interests, we were in love, and although we had our share of fights, I was a good guy at heart and seemed to have loads more to offer than these other losers you were dating. What happened? What in the hell happened?

Maybe I myself am not fully over this breakup, and maybe I never will be. Maybe some breakups are breakups that will always leave you wondering, “what happened?” The good thing now is that I am not crying over it anymore, and have moved on to a place where I have grown into a better man. Do I get bitter about it sometimes? Yes, but it goes away pretty quickly when I realize that I have moved on and lived life past that time when I was with this girl. I have realized there are other girls out there, and although I miss her a lot sometimes, she is not the only person in the world for me, and there are new things to be found beyond the horizon.

Return and Beginning of 2021

Fall seven times, stand up eight.
-Japanese Proverb

It has been a long, rough year for our world. A bat, (or some similar animal) carried a virus to human beings that spread from China to our country and completely changed our way of living. But, like going through a breakup, when we encounter great hardship we find great value.

We once thought many classes that were in-person had to be in person, but we found that they can easily be converted online. We once thought some stores had to be open 24/7. This is also not true. We also thought that if you didn’t leave your house for weeks at a time, you would automatically turn into a hermit and die. This was also found not to be true. We found out that much of our way of life was unnecessary or just downright wastful and time-consuming.

Speaking of being a hermit, I have been quite the hermit myself in the real world and on the internet as well for the past year. I have taken a long hiatus from the internet in general and the blog and have done some soul-searching even though I have not been broken up with. I haven’t dated anyone in over a year.

I have rode my bike, meditated to the point where I reached unknown parts of my mind, done yoga, and played with my puppy until she bit my hands raw. I took long walks at night, trying to figure out the meaning of life, what my existence means, and what my place is in this vast, mysterious universe that is in the middle of a unprecedented pandemic.

I would maintain a routine, and go to bed at around the same time every night, and try to get up around the same time everyday. I made sure to do things that I knew brought value to my life everyday and that made me happy, which mainly included meditating, riding my bike, and playing with my puppy until she bit my hands raw.

It may sound weird, but I found a new kind of peace during this quarantine of being alone. I was able to be alone with my thoughts and focus on myself into developing to become a better man, which is paramount to getting over a breakup. But this time it was not a breakup with any girl I have ever dated, but possibly a breakup with the complications of society as a whole. I can almost say that the pandemic was positive for me in that aspect, and when this is all over and the vaccines start becoming more readily available, I may even miss it.

We will probably never go back to being the “same,” but just like the world changed from the pandemic and learned many lessons, so have I. I have learned the importance of “keep it simple stupid” and maintaining a routine. I have learned the importance of not over complicating simple, daily tasks of life so that life is easier to live, and so that I can focus on the stuff that really matters. I have learned how importance meditation is, and the effects it can have on your mind and body, and how that can carry over into your day. It is my hope that I can take everything I’ve learned from 2020 and give that to you, so that you can get over your breakup and become a better man.

The Ride

It never gets easier, you just get faster.
– Greg Lemond, professional cyclist, three-time winner of the Tour De France

It’s Summer. I feel the wind rush through my hair and across my body. I feel alive. I feel free. I feel good. My heart is pumping but not too hard. I see the sunset in the distance and pass the countryside and feel good. This is right where I want to be.

I am on my bike and do not have a care in the world. I am not thinking about anyone. I am only thinking about what I am seeing around me. I pass the old church that reminds me of the Civil War. It reminds me of history.

My legs feel good. The blood is flowing to them, and they do not hurt. My mind is clear. I am thinking only of what surrounds me and how I feel.

I make my first turn to the left, what I call the BH loop. I pass long bushes that have grown along the fences of cow pastures. There are probably berries growing there. I look along them as I ride past to look any kind of berry and make another turn to the left that sends me moving faster. Perfect.

It feels good outside. The weather is about 75-80 degrees. The sun is setting and it will be dark in 30 minutes to an hour. I am on my last stretch before I get home.

I am finally almost home and am on a straight road to get to my house. I see pastures and cows. I moo at them. They only stare back in confusion.

I am alone but talk on my ride to myself. I tell myself motivating things. I tell myself these things to motivate myself not only on the ride, but in life.

I am on the gravel driveway that leads to my house. It’s bumpy but I would rather have a bumpy last five minute stretch of ride at the end than get off my bike and walk. I follow my usual route beside the pool in front of the house so my puppy can happily greet me.

She knows the routine – I do this every day. She runs at me and starts barking in case I’m a stranger. I put the bike up along with my helmet and show her that I am no stranger, I am only one of her best friends who she loves to chew on every day.

She is happy to see me and I pick her up. I put her down and go inside the house and take off the rest of my gear. Supper is ready and my parents are already eating their supper. It gets dark outside finally, and I feel cozy and happy. I am content, had a good ride, and have a cute puppy. No amount of money can buy the happiness I have in these moments.

Are Breakups Worse For Teenagers or Adults?

“I was way behind in my maturity. I was a 30-year-old acting like a 23-year-old. So when I was 21, I was probably acting like a 15-year-old.”
Dale Earnhardt Jr., Racing Legend

This seems to be very true of many young men who are in their teenage years. We are considered legal adults at the age of 18. We can drive a two thousand ton missile down the center of a highway at 75 miles per hour known as a “car.” We can join the military and die for our country, vote for the next president of the United States, and legally parent a child as part of being an 18-year-old “adult.” The problem is most of boys at 18, including me, were not men and cared more about video games and sex than the political state of our nation or driving responsibly.

Nevertheless the careless and carefree immature young lad I was I managed to get myself a girlfriend. Then a whole new world opened up. I didn’t realize how awesome it was to spend time with a real-live actual girl was, and how awesome it was to be around someone I was unexplainably and hopelessly attracted to while at the same time actually enjoy being around them and holding good conversation. Between the late night video games, careless shenanigans with my buddies, and new found relationship I had found with my new girlfriend, it was safe to say life was good.

My new girlfriend even came over and watched my favorite movie with me that was a complete man-night movie and hung out with my best friend. We laughed and talked and had a good time. Then at Christmas she came over while my parents were conveniently gone, and that’s when things got extra hot and heavy.

But, as many teenage relationships go, this relationship was passionate and great but short-lived. She ended it by calling me on the phone unexpectedly while I was in my dorm room cooped up like a hermit, studying my butt off for my next exam, oblivious to the news that devastated my poor little heart.

“Hello?” I asked as I picked up the phone. It was weird because she never called me. She was a classic teenage female who loved texting me all the time. Not that it mattered – I loved texting her back, I was pretty in love with her at the time.

I listened. Nothing but sobs on the other end of the line.

“This is weird,” I thought to myself as I only heard her crying, and she gave me the obvious news.

“I feel like we should break up,” she informed me between sobs of guilt and upset-ness.

I did not agree at all. What had happened? Did I say something wrong? Did I do something bad? I asked myself all the cliche breakup questions every man asks himself when he thinks the soulmate girl of his dreams is breakup up with him.

In truth, we were most likely going to inevitably break up because it was not meant to be. She was several years younger than me, a high schooler, while I was a supposed to be a college man. I was a college freshman, starting in a new place hours away, and she was in a different place and probably wanted to experience a lot of things in life that a relationship would make difficult, no matter how much you love or care about the person. Many relationships tend to be that way. The two people will be right. You will love that person and she will love you back. The relationship will be passionate, and you really care about that person as a person deep down, but deep down you know the timing isn’t right. If only we had met in a different time, in a different place, we may have been in a very different position. Life is funny like that sometimes.

I spent the next few weeks in my dorm room confused and upset. The only things I really did or focus on were working out, going to class, eating, and studying. “If she was going to break up with me, then I am going to make the most of it and become the best version of myself I can be,” I though to myself again and again while I did heavy lat pull downs in the university gym. That was the right mentality to have, but I took it to the extreme. Like everything else in life, moderation is key. As Oscar Wilder said, “everything in moderation, including moderation.” That is one of my favorite quotes and I try to live by it now.

Nearly a year later I was ready to move on obliviously into the dating world (or so I thought), and found myself going on a new date, with a new girl, who again, eventually broke up. Except for this time she was a little meaner about it, but that’s a different story. The point is is that the dating world is very different for teenager than it is for actual adults. As a teenager you wonder into a relationship like an oblivious little fawn, unaware of the big world around you and unsuspecting of real danger and stupid stuff from happening that happens all the time. In my case it was my girlfriend unexpectedly calling me from 100 miles away announcing we should break up. As teenagers, we stumble around and act and think like we know the world and what’s going to happen, but we really don’t. Maybe that gives us a little comfort. Thinking that we know something that we really have no idea about. Then we trudge on through a relationship and act surprised and grief-stricken that we got broken up with, or worse, get an STD or unplanned/ unexpected pregnancy. I will try to play devil’s advocate at the end and explain why breakups for adults can be worse, but here is a list of reasons why breakups for teenagers may in fact be worse than breakups for adults:

You don’t know what you got yourself into

This is the oblivious-little-fawn stumbling blinding example I used earlier. When you’re a teenager you have no idea what you’re really getting yourself into when you enter a relationship with another girl, because the fact of the matter is that you have never really had another relationship in your life. That time you dated a girl in preschool and she kicked you in the knee because you wouldn’t let her play on the swing set doesn’t count. I don’t think you’re really capable of having an adult-like relationship with legitimate adult-like behavior and feelings until your a real teenager. Adults can shrug a relationship off easier because they kind of have an idea of what they’re getting themselves into when they enter, and they may already have a pre-set ritual or breakup protocol in place before they enter a relationship. So teenagers, beware, and don’t be dumb.

2. People are more hormonal and emotional as teenagers

When I was a 18-year-old young lad as a freshman in college, it felt like a total testosterone filled machine. My workouts in the gym were strong, I felt young and powerful, and it felt like someone could make me angry fairly easy. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel the same way now, but it seems like when I was a teenager these feelings were amplified. Add these hormones to the hormones of an emotional teenage girl, and the emotional turmoil of a breakup, and you’ve got yourself a concoction of emotional drama fit for any modern age drama soap-opera. By the way, I’m like most of you and prefer to watch most of the drama in my life on a television screen, rather than have to live through it.

3. Life is uncertain as a teenager – breakups don’t make it any better

When you’re a teen one thing is certain – everything is uncertain. Upon graduation from high school pressuring but well-ententioned adults and teachers alike as us the all too common but dreaded question, “what are you doing after high school?” The question only gets worse and more pressurizing as you have to pick a major in college, decide which classes you want to take, and ultimately choose a job after college after you are thrown into the real-world by your elders, hopeless little child that you are. When I was 18 I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. All I cared about was hanging out with my friends, working out, playing football, and playing video games. I was a testosterone filled male who was unsurprisingly obsessed yet terrified of the opposite sex, and if someone asked me, “what do you want to do with you life?” I honestly had no idea. Mix this with the chaos and uncertainty of a breakup, and you have, my friend, another concoction of emotional drama fit for any modern age drama soap-opera.

4. It’s hard to see perspective when you’re young

So many adults and wise people older than me would tell me after I suffered any kind of hardship as a teenager, “it will be ok, you’re young, you’ve got time, everything will be alright.” As a teenager I had a hard time seeing if everything was going to be all right because I only had the small number of experiences I had. I understand adults have their share of hard times when it comes to breakups that may cloud their judgement and may make them think teenage breakups are no big deal. Adults have to deal with much more brutul things when it comes to breakups, such as divorce, custody of children, moving out of living arrangements, and even worse lawsuits. But sometimes I wonder if all of these people who told me “it will be ok, you’re young” actually remember what it feels like to be a teenager, have no idea what you want to do with you life, be oblivious to the world, and be dumped. I know nearly everyone has had this happen to them, but I wonder if everyone really remembers how hard it is when you are in the moment, and you aren’t sure if everything will be all right? When you aren’t sure if everything will work themselves out, or if everything will fall into place. The world is a big and complicated place, especially for someone young. Next time you see a teenager who is going through a breakup or any kind of obstacle in life, maybe try to put yourself in their shoes, relate to what a similar situation was like for you, and give them the benefit of the doubt. No doubt, being a teenager is hard, but getting over a breakup shouldn’t be.

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