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The Unspoken Reason On Why You Can’t Get A Girlfriend

Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.

– Theodore Roosevelt

I drove an hour. An entire hour to see this girl – and here was the message I was getting: “sorry, I just don’t feel up to it tonight – maybe another time.” This was why I was single. This was why I was feeling like I was going to be single forever.

We had a planned date to meet in her town (because she didn’t have a car) and I was going to pick her up at a hotel/restaurant near her house. We were scheduled to meet at 8 o’ clock. Now I am not the time-police, but 8 o’ clock means 8 o’ clock. I got there shorty after 8 and waited 45 minutes for this girl to not even show up, and tell me she just “didn’t feel like coming.”

I was angry, confused, frustrated, and most of all felt dumb. Why had I drove all that way for a dating app date that I knew was probably going to fall through anyway? It is a well-known fact that 9 out of 10 girls ghost on dating apps on 8 out of 10 dates (source: made up in my head), and I was frustrated with myself for breaking my own rule – never drive over 30 minutes for a dating app date. I made an exception to that rule on this night and broke it, and also broke another crucial rule – don’t spend too much time texting a girl before you meet up.

This is one of the few times I broke that rule as well. The previous girl I was dating/talking to gave me a change of heart. We went on a date and all went well, but unfortunately we both had to go on lockdown because of COVID – she did because she got COVID and I did because she exposed me to COVID. While on lockdown we went on a texting frenzy. I texted her probably a hundred times, with each time getting a nice dopamine hit and going on in my brain. I then developed the hypothesis, “what if texting a girl more before a first date is the right way to go? What if it actually secures more first dates? Should I stop trying to get straight to the point by asking her on a date right away?”

So that’s what I started doing. After me and aforementioned girl “broke up” and quit talking, I broke my rule. I texted a new girl, and had many conversations with her through text before going on the date. This led me being convinced to drive an hour to meet her, as well as getting stood up. This is why you should avoid wasting time texting girls on dating apps, and try to meet them as soon as possible:

  1. It raises interest in you

Have you ever been on a really boring first date? The date where you had no idea what to talk about, and it got really awkward? Then, when you finally did find something to talk about it, it was about something equally as boring and monotonous? This can be avoided my friend, if you avoid texting her a lot prior to the first date. Your plan of action should be:

  1. Establish a quick rapport by saying hey, how are you, etc.
  2. MAYBE talk about one subject you find interesting to develop further rapport
  3. Ask her to go on a date
  4. Go on said-date

This is the key to securing a first date. If you waste too much time in the beginning talking about who you are, what you do, and all that other mumbo-jumbo she will more than likely get bored and lose interest. You will have nothing to talk about on the date and therefore it will be boring. Mysterious (but not creepy) is interesting, and can be a very good thing.

2. It keeps her from getting bored

Here’s the thing – people love talking about themselves. Don’t believe me? Try it on your next date. Go ahead and ramble on about your accomplishments, brag about the size of your wallet, house, car, and other size-related items men are obsessed with, and see how she reacts. Not only will she think you’re an arrogant, narcissist cocky dude who is obsessed with only himself, but she will get insanely bored. She really wants to talk about herself, as do most people, so don’t get caught up in talking about yourself before the date and get to the point of asking her on a date. This shows you are a direct person and makes you a more interesting and intriguing man.

3. It keeps her from coming up with an excuse to bail

Online dating for women is a sketchy process. There are a lot of creepy men out there who have less than honest intentions, and women unfortunately constantly have to be on the lookout for these type of men. As a consequence of that as well as being extremely picky, they will think up any and every excuse to bail on your first date, and the excuse will not matter. It can be anything and everything. It could be something as arbitrary and meaningless as, “I didn’t like the vibe he was giving me” or it could be something as ridiculous as “I didn’t like the way his i’s looked on the phone.” These are all real excuses a real live girl would use to get out of going on a date with you – so don’t give her an excuse. Don’t spend useless time texting her before the date so that she doesn’t have an excuse to find something you say a signal to ghost you.

4. It saves time

Before this girl stood me up for our date that I drove an hour for on that fateful, cold, March night, I probably spent hours texting her beforehand. We discussed whatever we felt like texting, and in my mind I thought I was developing a new level of rapport with her. This is false. Boys – do not fall into this trap when a girl tells you on a dating app, “I would like to text you more to get to know you before going on a date with you.” 9 times out of 10 she will still not go on a date with you, even after texting her for days. I know this because I have personally tried this, and every time a girl said this she never went on an actual date. The conversation either:

  1. Dwindled into nothing, due to both of us being suffocated by the boringness ,or
  2. The girl just ghosted me all together

Save your time and go on dates with girls who actually want to go on dates too. Unfortunately, there are a host of girls on dating apps who are only on there for attention or who are there to completely waste their time and yours because they are just “bored.” Do not fall into this trap, find the girls who want to date and date them – the goal is to find a girlfriend and a girl you actually connect with. We have only been gifted with so much time in this world – why not use it wisely?

5. It separates the winners from the losers

In dating, just like in cards – there are winners and losers. There are some girls who are winners, and some who are losers. Now I am not saying that these girls are winners and losers as people, I am saying they are winners and losers in terms of if they are compatible with you. The winners would be the girls who you are compatible with, who you find attractive, and who have all of the qualities you find desirable in a partner who also find the same qualities in you. The losers would be just the opposite. They would the girls who you don’t click with, or who don’t click with you and who may not find you desirable, which is ok. There are going to be some girls who will adore you, and some girls who will not like you no matter what you do. Like the late great Winston Churchill said, “if you have enemies good, that means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” Don’t waste time texting, and meet the girl in person and you will know a lot quicker if she is compatible with you, if you like her, and if she likes you.

6. It help you accomplish your goals of dating

I think that in dating, as in life, you should have goals. You should have a set “vision” of what you want, what an ideal partner looks like, what kind of relationship you should have, etc. Doing this will allow you to avoid toxic relationships, emotional breakups, and a lot of heartbreak in the end. If you stay focused and go on more dates and do less texting beforehand, you can find out what this potential partner really is about, a lot sooner. It is very hard, and in my opinion, somewhat impossible to get to genuinely know someone through a small three-or-four-inch screen of a smartphone. To genuinely get to know someone’s soul and their intentions, I believe you have to meet them in person. You get to see the way she smiles, the way she holds her head back when she laughs, the silliness and humor that comes out as part of her personality, all of her little quirks and weird things that make her who she is – “that’s the good stuff.” I loved that about all of the girls I have ever loved, and love those things about women in general. As Robin Williams famously said, in Goodwill Hunting:

“Yes!…. Oh Christ….aahhh, but, Will, she’s been dead two years and that’s the shit I remember. Wonderful stuff, you know, little things like that. Ah, but, those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. That’s what made her my wife. Oh and she had the goods on me, too, she knew all my little peccadillos. People call these things imperfections, but they’re not, aw that’s the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds. You’re not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn’t perfect either. But the question is: whether or not you’re perfect for each other. That’s the whole deal. That’s what intimacy is all about.”

Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar post, 5 Things Not To Do After A Breakup, which are five things I know you are already doing or you’re about to after your girlfriend breaks up with you, or check out 5 Rules For How To React Immediately After a Breakup, which gives you 5 solid and hard rules to follow so you know how to act and get over the breakup like a man.

Like this blog? Is it helping you get over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go ahead and enter in your e-mail along with your comment. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Making the Most Out of Life

“Nana korobi, ya oki.”

Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

-Japanese proverb

Another chapter in life. I guess that’s what I’m starting. It seems so odd to start over. Yet again. Yet alone.

I miss you everyday, and yet, I have found insights into my life and myself from you leaving.

I no longer miss some women of the past, because your presence replaced them. I no longer have fantasies of the girl I dated in college. There seems to no longer be a hole in my heart left by her. Maybe there is scar tissue there, because the memories remain. Alas, I thought my feelings for her were impermeable. But no, the sights, sounds, and smells of you permeated my soul. You permeated every level of my being, and left me heartbroken, yet again. How did you do it?

Maybe it was through your smile, your laugh, your quirks, all of the sappy experiences we shared. Maybe it was the way you would charm me, and call me “your handsome man” over, over, and over. The first few times I didn’t believe it, but I eventually found myself with an air of confidence ruminating over your compliments. Maybe it was the way you smelled me and told me how good I smelled. Maybe it was the way you smiled at me. Maybe it was the way you greeted me at the door when I came home, bouncing from joy to see me. Maybe it was just me.

Maybe I don’t miss you. Maybe it’s just who I was around you I miss. I was so motivated. I was so eager and driven and felt so good about myself. I felt confident. I felt worthy.

Then you turned on me, seemingly in almost instant, and I found this new person living inside my girlfriend take over. You were so lovely and sweet – I even called you my little flower. But you wilted and turned dark, and showed the transformation from a beauty into a vicious person. It is one of the scariest transformations to witness. How could this person I trusted and loved so much, turn on me so quickly and show me such a dark side to their personality? It made me lose trust in you, but even more so, it made me lose trust in myself.

I trusted you with everything. You slept in my home. You cuddled in my bed, I made you coffee in the morning, and served you wine from solo cups at night. I told you so many secrets about myself, showed you so many sides to me that I wouldn’t want another soul to know. You had seen the most vulnerable side to me. Then you turned on me in an instant. You went from being the most lovely person I had ever met to screaming at me as if you had pure hatred for my soul. I loved you, and I tried to love your family deeply. At some points, I felt your love for me had turned into pure hatred and resentment.

You broke up with me over the phone, and everything fell apart. I tried to make it work, and amend our broken relationship, but it was like trying to glue back together broken glass. The shards cut my hands into pieces. The sides but into my soul. You seemed to not want me deep down. It was like you were showing up to a job you hated.

For the past eight months I have been ruminating. What did I do wrong? What could I have done different? Did I not love you enough? Was I not good enough? Am I not good enough?

It only added insult to injury when I finally saw you again, and then the ruminating and pain started over. I knew my feelings for you were still strong inside because I was nervous. There was the insatiable pain inside my gut. The very thought of seeing you again made my heart pound and my palms sweat. The feeling of this anxiety was almost unbearable, but I knew I might see you again at church, and there you were – with another man.

This only added to the pain I felt, and it felt like I was being kicked while down. I was being beat down while already defeated. It felt like the dagger in my heart was only being driven deeper. Had you not hurt me enough? Do I have to be humiliated too? Only three months prior you were in my car, telling me you loved me, how great I was, and desperately kissing me. It was like my our presence together was water, and we had been stuck in the desert for months with none. Now here you are with another man by your side, sharing the same intimate, emotional, physical, and spiritual experiences we used to share. I thought our connections was special, I thought it was different. I sought you out and looked for you. I went to church to find a woman, the right kind of woman, and there you were. I could think of no greater humiliation or pain in that moment than the humiliation and pain I was enduring seeing you there with another man.

So now it is time to start over. It is time to get over the breakup, and move on like I have been trying to do for the past 8 months. It is time to start over and begin again, I am just not sure how.

I feel broken, like a building that has been demolished and can’t be rebuilt. It’s as if there are no supplies for the brick, mortar, or foundation. It’s as if the workers were gone, and I have no motivation to build everything that I had lost and was so dear to me.

It almost feels humiliating and shameful to start over yet again, because it makes me feel like I have done something wrong. It makes me feel like a fool. If I was a smart respectable man, I would not be in the position I am in the first place. If I was competent, I would not have the problem of being stuck on a person who seemingly has already moved on and completely forgot about me already. I guess that’s the price to pay for loving so hard.

As long as I can remember I have been a sensitive person. I could not stand to watch horror movies. I watched a scary movie about an old woman who was possessed and had nightmares about it for months as a teenagers. Goodbyes and losses felt much more severe to me, and felt much more painful. When others would frown, I would weep, when others would weep, I would wail, and when others would wail, I would fall depressed.

On the other hand, it has always felt like I have enjoyed life pleasures more than most. When the sun is shining, I feel it’s warmth more. When the flowers are chirping, they sound more beautiful. When others would smile, I would laugh, and when others would laugh, I would cry from joy, and when others would cry from joy, I would be elated.

Being a man and playing the role appropriately has unfortunately forced me to stifle these emotions. A woman does not want a man with such emotional weakness.

So here I am, attempting to rebuild, brick by brick. Attempting to reconstruct something that someone else seemed to destroy so easily and quickly. Taking it one day at a time, and one step at a time. Trying to know myself and my weaknesses, so that if and when I do fall again, I will still be able to get back up.

New Beginnings

I woke up to feel the cool, crisp, air and the sun shining down on me. The smells of fresh cut grass wafted in my nostrils as I stretched. I felt a little wet nibble by my nose and then by my ear. It was my corgi greeting me good morning. I gave her a noogie on her furry little head, and she tried to play-bite me.

I rolled out of my delightfully warm and cozy sleeping bag under a mountain of two other comforters to put on my shoes and start my day. I have been sleeping outside of my parents house at night for the past two months in a little nook under the coolness of a neatly trimmed tree. I was busting my ass at my two jobs I was working. Although I was working remotely, my boss had managed to be the king of remote micromanaging.

That didn’t matter on this day though because it was a Saturday which means no work. What it did mean is that I should do some other things besides work-related tasks – namely go out and actually meet some people and have some real in-person interaction, and maybe even get a girlfriend.

I went to the front porch/deck to greet my mom who greeted me with a hot cup of coffee with two tablespoons of half n’ half mixed in – just how I liked it. I would need the caffeine boost for what was about to come on this hot August morning.

I diligently washed and combed my hair, put on deodorant, and put on some nice clothes before getting into my car with a green tea in hand. I didn’t want to be late for my important meeting. Little did I know at the time I did not know how important this meeting actually was, and going to it would significantly change my life for the next 8 months.

I arrived to our church meeting early – a miracle for someone who is usually as late as I am. There were two girls already under the pavilion at the park we were meeting at to greet me. One was very pretty and cute – the other was “meh.” They were both very friendly and nice and introduced themselves and I introduced myself the best I knew how. I still am that shy, awkward, blonde kid I always have been even though I appear to be a grown man on the outside, and always will be.

Then you arrived with two of your friends, and I immediately noticed your face and smile and thought you were attractive. The second thing(s) I noticed were about eight inches below your face, and I found them very attractive as well. As a man I could not help but notice you were a healthy, busty, beautiful young woman. You arrived with a very friendly smile on your face and a very innocent demeanor. You must have been very shy because you brought two of your friends, a young guy and a girl who were in a relationship with each other, to a church singles group. Your shyness only drew me in more. A shy damsel in distress? No worries, I will be your knight in shining armor, my love.

We started playing a board game, and you were on the other team. You were not supposed to help me answer the questions correctly, but you were so nice to me that you helped me anyway, despite the playful requests not to by your teammates. An attractive and beautiful young girl with a smile to die for who is also a really nice person? I was already head over boots.

I had never dated anybody as nice as you before. I might have dated girls who were pretty before, but no one who looks like you and no one who was also as nice, sweet, and caring as you are. I knew I had to get to know you better and I strategically planned in my mind to sit next to you when we were going to lunch after our board games.

We arrived to the burrito shop and you got there before anybody else and had already ordered. By the time I was making my way to the tables to sit down and talk to you (and maybe even get your number) the worst had happened – you were already gone.

My eyes searched the restaurant and I realized you already left the restaurant before I even had the chance to sit down and talk to you. Where had you gone? This is what I get for being late and a slowpoke.

I still left that burrito shop that day in love. I could not stop thinking about you and wanted to know more about you. I wanted to know if you liked me back or not, and wanted to know why you had left the burrito store so early? Maybe you had some place to go? Or maybe you just plain did not like me. Either way, I had to know and wanted to get some definitive answers. I am 29 years old at this time. I am no longer a “young buck.” I have lived some time, had some life experience, and have had experience with women, and although I am still as terrified of women as the next young lad, I am better at overcoming my fears.

So, I conjured up the bravery to text you (so brave to send a text message, huh?). I asked if you liked the meeting or something casual, and then asked the big question that this all had been leading up to – whether you would like to meet me for coffee.

“I’m sorry I don’t like to drive in the rain,” was the heart shattering response I got from you. “Is she kidding?” I thought. “Really? She doesn’t like to drive in the rain?” I just came to the simplest conclusion – you did simply did not like me.

I “took the L” and moved on with my life for the next month or so accepting defeat, like a sad little puppy. I know the importance of letting go better than I used to, and try to learn from my mistakes. If a girl is simply not into you, the best strategy is just to move on the next one. There is bound to be a girl out there that thinks you’re amazing and finds you awesome. There is something amazing within all of us that we can offer to the world. The key is finding the girl who appreciates it.

I then got an unexpected text message one month after my rejection. “Hey, are you coming to the church meeting tomorrow at the bookstore?” You remembered me. Maybe you did like me somewhat? I knew I wasn’t going to go to the next meeting, work was kicking my ass and there was no way I was getting up at 10am on a Saturday and sacrificing my sweet, sweet Saturday mornin’ beauty sleep for bookstore shenanigans. So I took another chance.

“Want to finally meet me for coffee tomorrow? Rain-free?” I texted you to make one final hail-mary of a shot. You agreed and at this point, you seemed not only agreeable to meet me, but you seemed eager.

That morning of our first date I was debating on whether I should go. I had nearly given up on dating. The last date I went on was a disaster – the chick turned out to be as crazy as a bed bug. That one gave me actual nightmares. I threw on my outfit and combed my hair, and thought to myself, “what the hell, what’s the worst that can happen?” And I walked into the door of that small coffee shop to see your smiling cute face and wonderful smile yet again, and you still looked as beautiful as ever.

Unexpected Challenges

I showed up 15 minutes early. I was ready. I wore the clothes I needed to wear, had my mind in the right place, and was waiting for this girl whom I had connected with over a questionable dating app. She said she would meet me here at the high school at 7. Keep in mind this was here idea to meet at 7, not mine.

Another 15 minutes pass. She is still not here.

“Where the heck is this girl?” I think to myself as I scroll through my phone. This was looking like it was going to be yet another girl who wouldn’t show.

I had lost all patience. I was going to call this girl and see where the hell she was.

I wait for her to answer, and she answers. She doesn’t even know who it is.

“Hello, who is this?” she asks as she pretends to be coy and innocent. This girl was not innocent. She had committed a grave crime, with that crime being the standing of up an an innocent stranger, and that stranger being me.

“Hey, uhm…are you coming?” I reply to her as I manage to keep my cool at the utter lack of disprespect, decency, and humanity.

She starts to panic, I can tell. She gives me some explanation of how she basically forgot our date, and explains to me that she’s at the movies. She even had the audacity to ask me to leave my current location to meet her at her house.

I then make the mistake of having sympathy for this evil and selfish person. I ask her for her address, and she tells me to wait even longer, and she will send her address to me momentarily.

I wait, like a patient little sheep. Awaiting for the inevitable ghosting that I knew that was probably to come. Nevertheless, I wait…

Ten minutes later – no address sent. Fifteen minutes – no address. Merely an hour later, I am still waiting on this girl in this parking lot where we were supposed to meet, and absolutely no address was sent to my phone. Alas, my fair good friend, you have been ghosted yet again. Can I say again that I was not surprised?

The problem here is that dating is tough for guys. Not only that, but it is tougher for guys who are on dating apps. There are reportedly 9 times as many women as men on dating apps. So, as a man, you are basically dealing with the bottom of the bucket when you interact with these girls. They are the lowest of the low. They are not only often times borderline evil, but they do not follow any sort of moral code other than what benefits them. This is the opposite of what is virtuous. Plus, they have mental disorders.

But that is not my subject for today, ladies and gents. Although I knew this girl was likely to never show up ever because she is from a dating app, I expected her to and this threw me a curveball. This is what life does and this is what we should prepare for.

You will be on top of the world and feel as if you are invincible. You will feel that no one can rival your strength. You will be the Achilles with no Achilles heel. You wil be the invincible Chesty Puller on the battlefield. You will be the Leonidas of your loyal 300 soldiers guarding a small passageway to your homeland, but alas you too will be thrown an unexpected event, a hard time, a girl who stands you up – a curveball.

What can you do to combat “curveballs” you might ask? What can a man do to prepare for the inevitable, for something that is about to come but you don’t know exactly what is coming? Here are my ways to combat unexpected bad events in life, otherwise knows as curveballs:

  1. Run a hill

You might ask: what does running a hill have to do with dealing with curveballs in life? How possibly can charging up a large mound of dirt or a mountain help me deal with being stood up, or deal with something even worse, such as losing a loved one? That’s easy – it builds mental strength. There is a hill near my house, that I go to almost every day. It is a hill located within a Civil War battlefield, where thousands of men died. I go there every day and run that hill. I run it because it is a good workout, but I also run it to become mentally strong, and also to humble myself. It puts my problems into perspective, and makes me realize that a girl standing me up is not such a big deal, and in the end, it’s probably her loss anyway.

2. Meditate

This is something that I have been skipping lately, but I plan on getting back into it soon. Meditation will give you perspective on unexpected situations, and will give you perspective on life. It will allow you to look at a problem for what it is, rather than how it makes you feel. When you meditate, it also lowers your blood pressure, making you feel calm, centered, and focused.

3. Accept there are some things you change, and some things you can’t

There was a bad ass who lived in Rome 2,000 years ago. He was a great man and a great emperor. People commonly recognize him as one of the last great Roman emperors, and for good reason. He lived his life as we all strive to do here at howtogetoverabreakup.travel.blog, he made a lasting impact and his life had tremendous meaning. He developed a set of philosophies on how to live your life and developed a code to live by. His code was simple and it was this: accept there are some things in life that are out of your control and do not try to control them, only focus on changing the things in your life that you can control. This idea is called stoicism and it seems to have been a long forgotten idea, especially nowadays. Everybody wants to try and blame someone else for something. Everybody wants to blame their teacher on getting the bad grade, their parents on why they have poor eating habits, or their friends on why they can’t get girls. The fact of the matter is is that all of these things are controllable by you, and because you can control your own grades, eating habits, and ability to pick up girls you should focus on controlling those things if you want to see real change. Some things you might not be able to control are the weather, whether you get cancer or not, or whether a girl shows up to a date or not. More broadly speaking, you should accept you cannot change the actions and behaviors of other people. Some people will never change, no matter how much you want them to, and some people will continue to walk all over you no matter what you do. In my case, I know deep-down there was nothing I could do to get this girl to show up for our date that I looked so much forward to. There was nothing I could do to make her show up on time and spend time with me, or at the very least be respectful and send me a quick 2 second text message letting me know she couldn’t make it. At the end of the day people will always do what they want to do and you have to accept that. Sure, you can try to manipulate or change people behaviors by treating them in a certain way, but at the end of the day some people will not change no matter what, and that is a hard pill to swallow. We all think that we can change people, situations, and our own lives but there is an element of randomness to it we cannot control. The best thing to do is accept that element is there, and focus on what you can control. That will put you in the best possibly situation you could be in in your life, and will inevitable make you the best version of yourself, and overall a better man.

Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar post, 5 Things Not To Do After A Breakup, which are five things I know you are already doing or you’re about to after your girlfriend breaks up with you, or check out 5 Rules For How To React Immediately After a Breakup, which gives you 5 solid and hard rules to follow so you know how to act and get over the breakup like a man.

Like this blog? Is it helping you get over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go ahead and enter in your e-mail along with your comment. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Missing You In Hot Water

“Let us rather run the risk of wearing out than rusting out.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

There’s something peculiar about hot water. We as human beings use it in every facet of our lives. We use it to cook our food, we use it to brew our coffees and teas, and lastly we even use it and sit in it in ingenious devices we have invented called “hot tubs.”

Thus, there is something special about the hot tub. It calms the body, heals the muscles, and even clears the mind. It is my go-to if I have access to one, and if I have a problem that needs to be fixed whether it be inside by body, or inside my mind.

I have had many good times in hot tubs. One night I was at my parent’s house outside the pool when my best buddy calls. He says, “hey buddy you have got to come over and bring beer.” I reply with a “yes,” and shortly after am over at his house with beer in hand (even though I do not drink) and curious about what good times await us (trust me, he was a person who was full of good times no matter what).

We went to a girl’s house who I did not know very well, but she was nice to me and she had a friend who seemed to have the hots for me. I was more intrigued with the other girl, but I found them both attractive, cute, and charming.

We walked in their house while my buddy made jokes and cut up. He was and still is one of the funniest guys I know, and this night was no exception. He was making all of us laugh at his antics as the night grew later, the attraction grew stronger, and the alcohol flowed freer.

As we drank more the girls asked us to go outside because they were going to show us something. Curious as to what lay outside in the house located in a fairly nice and quiet neighborhood my buddy and I said “ok” as we followed them outside. We went outside and saw a fairly nice above-ground pool and beside it next to the house lay nothing other than a very nice hot tub – ready to go.

Apparently the girls were ready to go too, as they jumped in naked, and one thing led to another, and the girl who had the hots for me kissed me unexpectedly and passionately. I thought she was attractive, but did not want a one-night stand, as I knew this was all it could turn into. So, I kissed her back to not hurt her feelings and because I thought her brown eyes as well as Native American features were cute.

The night ended with me laying next to this girl after our hot-tub experience in her room, and also ended with my buddy doing a little more than laying next to the other girl in next room. I will leave the details to your imagination, but we left the house in the morning happy but tired, and said goodbye to one another as we knew one of use would call each other the next day because we knew we were best friends.

Another rich and bittersweet hot tub experience involved me getting to know my girlfriend better while I was in college. As cheap college students looking for something fun to do we shared one thing in common – a love for the ever-alluring hot-tub, so we drove around our city all night looking for just that. We came upon an apartment complex that we knew had one, but there was a problem – the apartment had a locked gate preventing us from driving in.

As another car passed us that had access to the apartment, the gate opened for the car and quickly started to close as the car started to pass through. All of a sudden, my girlfriend said, “hang on!” and drove through the closing gate as it closed on top of her car and snapped in two.

I was surprised a 5 foot 1 tiny blonde college girl who seemed so nice and innocent was capable of this daredevil behavior, but was thoroughly entertained by the experience. We drove in to see our prize awaiting us – a full hot tub in the middle of the pool area and stepped in to escape the cold air around us.

We kissed in the hot tub and I’ll never forget it. It wasn’t like the kiss with the Native American girl before, this was one of those moments that you know you are in love with a girl. I could not help but feel butterflies when she put her arms around me as we filled the warm waters and jets swirl around us, and in that moment I wanted to stay there forever.

We finally had to get out and bare the terrible cold that awaited us after getting out of the hot tub, and I goofily ran to the car as my girlfriend did the same. We sat in the car and drove home, and I felt much more relaxed and happy that we were in a warm car, even though we were listening to her weird pop-music she liked to play that I did not like. But nevertheless, I thought it was cute because it was a part of her personality that made her unique and who she is, and I still miss that experience and feeling her arms wrap around me in the hot tub like I am the only person that matters in the world.

I am thinking about buying a hot tub because I live in a house of my own now, but am single so I do not know who will sit in it with me. I do not know who will sit in it with me and drink in it with me. I do not know who will sit in it with me and kiss me, and wrap her arms around me, because I do not have anyone to sit in it with me and kiss me and wrap her arms around me. Maybe I will have to sit in it alone this time, but that’s ok.

Stop Doing This After Your Workouts (You’re Wasting Time)

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.

– Henry David Thoreau

I have heard so many people tell me I should do this immediately after working out, and I am sick of hearing it. This tip/practice/ritual is false. It does not help you make gains, or any sort of progress, but people are still convinced it’s true. I used to follow this ritual every time I would work out too – and I regret it. I regret all of the time I wasted adding this to my workouts. I regret all of the time, money and effort just wasted – thrown down the drain. What post-workout ritual am I talking about you may ask? I will tell you – it is the anabolic window.

You see fellow young heavy lifter and fitness enthusiasts alike – the anabolic window is a myth. It is like Santa Claus, astrology, and every mythical creature that goes along with it (my apologies to every basic white girl who is in love with astrology who is in the United States). Yes, I used to practice my post-workout protein shake like it was a religion because I was told it was necessary, and if I didn’t I would be losing “gains.” Fortunately, one day I wizened up, and you should too. Here is why the idea of the post-anabolic window is B.S. and why it absolutely does not matter that you consume protein directly after your workout:

  1. Research does not support it

Research and has shown time and time again that it does not matter whether you consume your protein directly after your workout. What actually matters is your total daily calorie intake. As long as you get the minimum required protein for the day, it really does not matter when you get the protein in. There are also a ton of other myths out there that are fake as astrology, such as you can only digest a certain amount of protein per each meal, you need 300+ grams of protein to build muscle, and if you don’t eat protein every three hours you’ll lose muscle too. All of this is nonsense. What really matters are your total numbers for the day – the timing of your meals doesn’t really matter.

2. Your wasting calories on something you’re not even enjoying

Think of the last time you slammed your post-workout protein shake 15 minutes after your chest workout. You probably inhaled that thing faster than you could even taste it – let alone savor it. You did this because you were so afraid that if you didn’t consume protein right away you would lose tons of precious muscle. Why not save those calories you inhaled from that shake for a meal you can actually sit down and enjoy? I don’t know about you, but when I actually sit down and enjoy a meal of some chicken or other high-quality protein, I enjoy it much more and I feel much more satisfied and happy.

3. It’s expensive

When I was in high school and early college I used to spend a fortune on protein powders. I believed in the anabolic window myth and thought I had to buy these powders to get big and gain muscle. I spent a fortune on these and I miss that money right now. I wish I would have spent it on chicken breast, high-quality free-range organic eggs, or better yet – some actual chickens that lay eggs for me (my mom now has those today, and that’s where I get my eggs). Oh well, I guess you live and learn.

4. It’s a waste of time

Think of how inconvenient and a waste of time it is to have to carry a big tub of protein powder with you every time you workout, or the inconvenience of having to go home and make your post-workout shake every time you got done with your workout. When I work out now, I have the freedom of doing what I want after my workout, and am not a slave to the anabolic window. I can play with my corgi puppy, go to the store, meditate, or eat dinner. I have the freedom to do what I want, and that’s a great thing.

5. It can be hard to digest

I can remember all of the times I would down a protein shake right after my workout in college and then have to run to class afterwards on a full stomach – this was not a good thing. It left me feeling bloating, anxious, and full while I sat in classroom trying to learn college-level biology. I also would feel lethargic because I tend to feel relaxed and tired at a time when I needed to feel energetic, awake and alert – I mean I needed to learn about biology which is something I knew nothing about (high school biology was kind of a fail).

6. You’ll gain just as much muscle without it

Like I said in my first point, research has debunked the myth of the post-anabolic window and participants in the studies gained just as much muscle when they ate at other times of the day. You don’t need to eat at a certain time of the day, you just need to make sure you eat, and the gains will come. You will avoid wasting your calories on protein shakes you don’t even enjoy, save your money, time, and digestive system, and will make gains without your post-workout anabolic protein shake. Then you can focus your time and efforts on making progress in your workouts, in yourself as a person, and get over your breakup so you can ultimately become a better man.

Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar post, Workout Post-Breakup – The Perfect Workout To Help You Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend, which describes an effective workout to help you get over that girl who broke your heart. Also check out my post The Best Workout For Getting Over Your Breakup, which in my opinion tells you the single most important workout you can do to help you get over your ex-girlfriend that you probably haven’t thought of.

Like this blog? Is it helping you get over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go ahead and enter in your e-mail along with your comment. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. Please do not take my advice as if I was a doctor or medical professional, as I am not qualified to give that kind of health advice. Please be smart, and use your best judgement when starting a new diet/health/exercise plan and consult your doctor before starting a new diet/health/exercise plan. Thank you.

If You’re Reading This…

If you’re reading this I want to let you know I miss you. I miss all of the times we had. I miss when I would come over to your apartment, and life seemed simple then. I miss the moment I met you, at the library, while it was hot. You were wearing a big over-sized sweatshirt, and I was wearing a white button-down and khakis. God, I was so nervous. I am even nervous thinking about it now.

I was so nervous to approach you, but I used what little courage I had and took a leap of faith. I told you my pick-up line, and you liked it. If I would have known your personality, I couldn’t have picked a better line to woo you.

I fell in love with you fast. How could I have not? You had short blonde hair, a spunky personality, and piercing green eyes. I would stay at your apartment all the time. We would bicker sometimes about dumb things, such as me using your roommates lotion or eating too much food, but I would keep coming over, and you would keep kissing me when I got there.

I would eat your soup you made, that you were so proud of. “Weight loss soup” was what it was called. I ate it even though I wasn’t trying to lose weight, and it tasted good. I would eat it and curl up with you on your couch and you would introduce me to your favorite tv shows, and I liked them. You would cook me other things, such as eggs, toast, turkey bacon, and even roasted cucumber with cheese on it. I liked the eggs, toast, and turkey bacon much more than the roasted cucumber with cheese on it. On second thought, I think I liked everything you made more than the roasted cucumber with cheese on it.

I would do anything to bring this moment back, even if only for a moment. I would give anything to revel in it, to see it, to soak it in. To see the sights, smells, tastes, and feel your soft touch.

Life was simple then. I felt better. I ate good food everyday. I slept a lot, and it felt good. I felt like I had no worries in the world, and felt like what was going on was going to last forever. I felt like we we’re going to last forever. I forgot the famous phrase “this too shall pass” – and pass it did.

You left. You met me at a park one day. We layed out a blanket on the soft grass, and ate a lunch that I prepared for you the night before. I worked so hard on that lunch, and wanted it to be perfect for you. It had to be just right. I spent hours preparing that lunch, maybe because I wanted to somehow repay you for all of the food you had made me at your apartment. Maybe it was because I wanted to impress you, or maybe it was because I wanted to somehow show that I really did truly love you.

We went to your car and I gave you a card. I don’t remember what the card said or what was on it, but I do remember it was sort of a “goodbye” card. You looked up at me for the last time, with tears streaming down your face. It was at this moment that I knew. It was at this moment that I knew I was never going to see you again. Throughout all of our fights, arguments, disagreements, and “breakups” before, I had never seen you cry. Not once. My heart sank as I watched you leave, as I had not fully understood or comprehended what had happened. I was left standing there at my car, with an empty feeling inside.

Those next months after you left were some of the hardest in my life. I thought about you all the time. I thought about you while eating dinner. I thought about you while taking a shower. I thought about you while going to bed. I didn’t know how I was going to get over you. I had no idea about you, or my life in general. I sobbed in the shower many times, because I just wanted you there back with me.

The months dragged on and turned into years, and to this day I still don’t know if I am over you. I saw your e-mails you sent to me recently, but I didn’t know what to say. I almost felt embarrassed. I felt embarrassed of what you would think of me now. I am sure you are over me but I am not over you. It takes me a long time for me to get over a girl, and it will take me an especially long time to get over you.

I saw your message on my phone too, and it made my heart skip a beat. I still didn’t reply, feeling embarrassed. What am I to say? You have your own life thousands of miles away, and I have – well, whatever I have going on right now.

There is nothing I can do. You live thousands of miles away, we can’t be together anymore. We are not the same people we once were. I am not the same skinny blonde-haired goofy guy that would come over to your apartment. I am not the same kid who would pick you up and kiss you whatever chance I got. I was just this goofy kid, and now I am different. I have been through a lot of stuff in the past few years. I have been through a lot of bad stuff and I am dealing with my own issues right now still. Do I even deserve you?

I don’t really think I do, so I will just continue to ignore your message. As hard as it is not talk to you, I will not reply – at least not for now. I plan on replying to you soon, I promise. But for right now I don’t see the point, I am too much of a loser for you and you are probably doing great. I just don’t want to have a message exchange with you where you tell me how great you are and how great you have been doing because I know you have been great and are great and I would have to lie and tell you I am doing great too, when in reality I’m struggling a lot right now.

So for now I will keep things this way, and in due time I will reply to you because I still do miss you and still think about you. I know I am slowly moving towards a better place right now – I just want to wait until I’ve arrived when I message you back. I don’t want you to worry about me, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. In the end, maybe I just want you to miss me as much as much as I miss you right now.

Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar sappy-as-homemade-Vermont-maple syrup emotional post, Lust. I also recommend you check out my other slightly sappy post, Being Lucky.

Having trouble getting over your girlfriend like me? Check out my posts 5 Things Not To Do After A Breakup, which are five things I know you are already doing or you’re about to after your girlfriend breaks up with you, or check out 5 Rules For How To React Immediately After a Breakup, which gives you 5 solid and hard rules to follow so you know how to act and get over the breakup like a man.

Like this blog? Is it helping you get over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go ahead and enter in your e-mail along with your comment. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

A Simple Workout Routine To-Do Post Breakup

If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.

– Thomas Jefferson

So many workout routines overcomplicate. They add in special phrases and confusing programs where you are still left in the same place you were before – confused without an effective workout routine to do. This workout routine is based around the idea of simplicity – something I’m a big believer in. Some of the best things in life are free – vanilla ice cream, beautiful women (ok maybe they are not that simple), corgi puppies, etc. Working out is no different. It should be done structured, simplistically, and consistently. It should not make you confused, and you should have a clear and focused goal. I have personally designed a workout routine you can do at-home (because I am also a big believe in working-out-at-home) with minimal equipment such as dumbbells and maybe a pullup bar. Without further ado, here it is (I have an explanation of the routine after):

That’s it. That is basically the workout I do to keep in pretty good shape. I do some variations on this type of workout, but in general this is what I do on an almost daily basis and it has kept me in great shape and I feel good. You might notice that it’s extremely simple, and you might have some protests about it. You might say, “wait, why there is no leg workout!” or “what do all of the DB and SB’s mean and how often should I do this workout, at what time of day, and how long should I rest as well as how much weight should I use? I will answer all of this below.

When you’re getting over a breakup, you need to aim for simplicity, so get one of these workouts or both of these workouts in at a time whenever you can. Have an hour at the end of the day after a long day of crying in the shower? Great, try to get in a cardio and weight workout in. Only have 15 minutes before you need to eat and get to bed on a busy night? Good, get in a quick 15-minute weight workout in. The goal here is to get in, and get the job done.

I recommend going online and finding instructional videos on how to do the exercises. Exercise one are chest presses or pushups. You can do the chest presses on the floor like I do (which are known as floor presses) with some dumbbells. Just remember to “stimulate, don’t annihilate.” Exercise two are pullups, and like I said, I recommend using a pullup bar that fits in the doorway or building your own pullup bar at home, but only if you have the option and know-how to do that. Exercise three are dumbbell (DB stands for dumbbell) curls, and exercise four are DB tricep extensions. Again, like I said earlier, I highly recommend you look up instructional videos online to know the proper form to doing the exercises before attempting them. These two exercises can be super-setted, which means they can be done one after the other with no rest in between if you are short on time. So, you might do one set of the curls, and then move on to one set of tricep extensions until you have completed all sets and reps of each exercise. Lastly, exercise five are weighted swiss ball (SB stands for swiss ball) crunches. You can hold a dumbbell while doing this, and I often hold a 20 or 35-lb dumbbell while doing these. I didn’t include a leg workout because I think you can get an effective leg workout on the bike. Your legs will not grow significantly, but you will still not be neglecting your legs entirely. As for the rest times, I recommend resting for as long as it takes for you to catch your breath and recover. Usually for me it’s about 2-3 minutes. Remember, we’re going for simplicity here.

The “3×6-8” means “three sets of six to eight repetitions.” One repetition of an exercise means you complete the exercise one time. So, if you do one chest press, that is one repetition. A set is a series of repetitions done consecutively. So, if you are doing three sets of eight repetitions, then you will do eight repetitions, rest for a period of time, do another eight repetitions or “reps,” then rest for a period of time, and finally do one last eight repetitions, then you are done with the exercise. I gave a range of six to eight reps, because I want you to focus on stimulating your muscles and not going to failure. Instead, I want you to go until you feel like your muscles have been worked and stop short of failure. This is where the most growth and progress are made.

Lastly is the cardio workout – 30 to 45 minutes on the exercise bike. This is what is called “steady-state cardio.” This type of cardio is shown to burn fat and is a more effective form of cardio to use in my opinion. When you are doing this type of cardio you don’t want to be completely out of breath and working your butt off the entire time. I usually stay in a very low resistant range for the first thirty minutes while I read my tablet, and ramp up the resistant for the last fifteen minutes and try to finish strong. So for the first thirty minutes, take it easy and let the blood get flowing, and for the last fifteen ramp up the intensity so that you can finish strong. If you don’t have an exercise bike, I recommend jump roping, running, or any type of cardio you like that can be done steady-state.

This is really all there is to this workout. It is simple, effective, and not full of B.S. Don’t overcomplicate it, try to stick to it on a three-day-per week basis or even every day like I do, and you will be getting a workout in at a time you need one most – when you are getting over a breakup. Use this workout to improve yourself and become a better man from your breakup, so that you can progress more in the future and put the breakup behind you. Maybe in the future I will write about more in-depth workouts so that you can continue using them to get over your breakup – and become a better man.

Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar post, Workout Post-Breakup – The Perfect Workout To Help You Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend, which describes an effective workout to help you get over that girl who broke your heart. Also check out my post The Best Workout For Getting Over Your Breakup, which in my opinion tells you the single most important workout you can do to help you get over your ex-girlfriend that you probably haven’t thought of.

Like this blog? Is it helping you get over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go ahead and enter in your e-mail along with your comment. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. Please do not take my advice as if I was a doctor or medical professional, as I am not qualified to give that kind of health advice. Please be smart, and use your best judgement when starting a new diet/health/exercise plan and consult your doctor before starting a new diet/health/exercise plan. Thank you.

The #1 Secret To Helping You Make Gains Working Out Post-Breakup

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit.

– Aristotle

I was heading to the gym – yet again. My girlfriend had dumped me over the phone last Spring semester and we saw each other for one last time over the Summer. I can still see her now – we went to a swimming hole that is a natural spring I knew of. She was wearing a bikini, and I was young and naïve. She looked like a goddess to me. She was young, and I was young, and I was in love. We had one last passionate moment at that spring where we swam in ice cold water during a hot, Georgia day, then we went back to my house where things got a little steamier. Then she kissed me one last time as she said goodbye. I kept playing this over and over in my head and I was missing it while heading to get my workout in.

I kept playing in my mind what she looked like, what she smelled like, what she made me feel. Lord, I missed her so much. Why is life so unfair? Why was I given such as happy Summer with her for it only to be temporary, for it only to be quickly taken away? I guess life is funny like that sometimes.

I thought I was going to get married. I was thoroughly convinced in my mind that this girl was the one for me, and I felt lucky. I felt lucky to have found my soulmate at such a ripe young age of 18 years old. I felt lucky to have found a girl whom I cared for so much.

The weights moved with her picture still in my mind. Lat pulldown time. Time to get that big back. Time to improve. Time to get better. The only problem was – it didn’t seem like I was getting better.

I was “plateauing” – hard. I was not making any progress in the gym. I was counting calories and upping my food intake to try to grow, trying to put more weight on the bar, and even got great “pumps.” But I was not growing, and it did not seem like I was improving.

Enter the phrase “stimulate don’t annihilate” famously said by bodybuilder and legend Lee Haney. The reason I wasn’t growing was because I was mentally and physically fatigued. I was bitter and sad about my old relationship. I missed my girlfriend who broke up with me after that Summer. I wanted her back. I didn’t really want to grow and improve. All I really wanted was to see her again, and I was not ready to move on.

Until you embrace the concept of “stimulate don’t annihilate” and move on from your old girlfriend, you will not be able to grow and improve in the gym. I don’t care who you are. I don’t care if your the champion bodybuilder Lee Haney or Arnold the legend himself. I was so stuck in being down about my old girlfriend that I was not ready to progress in the gym. I was not ready to move on, and so I was not ready to improve.

I left that college, and moved back home with my parents, and started seeing my friends again. Started following the rules of getting over a breakup, and took a break on working out all together. Started feeling myself get happier, started seeing an improvement in my mindset, and started laughing at silly things. I started living and enjoying life, and although I got to a point where I enjoyed life a little too much and gained some weight, I got my weight down to an acceptable point and started living and enjoying life again while making progress during working out.

This is the secret to working out post-breakup to make progress: stimulate but don’t annihilate your muscles and mind. Notice I said muscles and mind. When my girlfriend broke up with me, I was annihilating both, and it was hindering my progress. Remember, as Oscar Wilde said, everything in moderation – including moderation. Here is why you stimulating you muscles and not annihilating them will help you make progress post-breakup:

  1. It is more productive in the long-run

Think about the last time you went to the gym and went to failure on any exercise. Take for example, maybe you decided to go to failure on bench-press (which I don’t recommend). How did you feel the next day? You were probably tired, sore, and could barely move. This is not sustainable in the long-run. Going to failure and “annihilating” your muscles will lead you to feeling tired, unmotivated, and sore. I haven’t been sore in months, even though I work out everyday, and even when the last time I was sore it was very minimal. Why you might ask? Because I stimulate my muscles, and don’t annihilate them. I am able to keep up my workout routine and program because I don’t overdo it and listen to my body, and do enough reps and weight of curls or chest press until my muscles feel like they have been stimulated.

2. It saves time

When you are doing unnecessary repetitions of curls, squats, chest presses, or tricep extensions you are using up your precious time you have in the day that you could be doing something else. Not only does it take extra time and effort to work harder, but it also takes extra time to take extra rest periods so that you can actually recover from your more strenuous workouts. You could be using that time to do things such as say, I don’t know, how about get over your breakup?

3. It saves motivation

Ever think of how motivated you are when you first start a new workout routine and are inspired by someone else’s physique? I can remember when I first saw Arnold. I was amazed at the size of his biceps, how big his chest was, and how big his legs were. My brother actually had a famous poster of Arnold on his wall of his apartment in college, and that was actually tremendous motivation for me. I would go and try to workout and get big like Arnold (even though in reality Arnold was on steroids and I could probably never get as big as him natural) and would do too much. I would be too sore the next day, and would almost lose motivation all together. Remember, in working out and in life in general, consistency always wins. Do what you have to do to stay consistent, even if that means taking it easy on some of your first few workouts so that you’re not so sore that you can’t function.

4. You will actually make more progress by not over-doing it

I know firsthand the greatest progress I have made was by being consistent and not overdoing my workout. When I was in college, I had a girlfriend invite me over to her parent’s house only to breakup with me and throw it in my face that she was cheating one me too. This hurt quite a bit. But afterwards I made one of the greatest decisions I have ever made and decided to improve my diet quite a bit and embark on a workout journey. I actually started working out in a more structured way with more consistency and made sure not to “annihilate” my muscles. The progress came steadily and I gained a significant amount of weight, strength, and confidence in the process. Pick a workout routine, and stick with it. You will see the gains come my friend.

5. You will “save” you discipline for other areas of your life

A recent study I saw showed that our discipline works like a battery. At the beginning of the day, your discipline “battery” is charged up and full, ready to be used at your disposal, and throughout the day the battery is used up and by the end of the day, it is usually depleted. Now think of the precious discipline you are using when you are pushing it too hard in the gym and annihilating your muscles. You can use that discipline for other areas, such as your diet, which is actually more important when it comes to making progress in the gym.

6. It promotes longevity

Just the other day I was doing some pullups with my pullup bar that fits in the doorway that I like to use, and started feeling a little twinge of pain in my elbow. I started feeling the same pain in my elbow when I started doing my pushups, and realized my body was trying to tell me something. It was trying to tell me to slow down, and make sure you don’t injure yourself. It was telling me that I was annihilating more than I was stimulating, and this is not my goal. My goal is to be able to workout when I am old, an to be able to live a long life where I am strong, healthy, able, and fit. I want to be fit enough to be able to chase down a thief when he steals my future girlfriend’s purse. I want to be able to run in the yard after my corgi puppy as fast as I can. I want to be able to lift heavy weights and have strong bones so they don’t snap at any moments notice. If you stimulate and don’t annihilate, I believe you will be able to do all of these things too, and believe you will be able to improve yourself to become a better man, and ultimately get over your breakup.

Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar post, Workout Post-Breakup – The Perfect Workout To Help You Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend, which describes an effective workout to help you get over that girl who broke your heart. Also check out my post The Best Workout For Getting Over Your Breakup, which in my opinion tells you the single most important workout you can do to help you get over your ex-girlfriend that you probably haven’t thought of.

Like this blog? Is it helping you get over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go ahead and enter in your e-mail along with your comment. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. Please do not take my advice as if I was a doctor or medical professional, as I am not qualified to give that kind of health advice. Please be smart, and use your best judgement when starting a new diet/health/exercise plan and consult your doctor before starting a new diet/health/exercise plan. Thank you.

Standing Up For What’s Right

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

– Mark Twain

We were sitting at the lunch table, and I watched as other people mocked him, humiliated him, and called him names. They were being mean to him, for absolutely no reason other than he looked a little different than everybody else, and didn’t seem to fit in. There was one girl who was particularly nasty in particular, calling him names, and telling him blatant insults as he just sat at the lunch table, and didn’t really say anything.

I could see the hurt in his eyes, and in his soul. I could tell what they were doing deeply hurt him. I could tell this because I was there, and had been bullied many times. Many times I had been picked on, because I was a little different. Because I was skinny, long, and lanky. Because I had blonde hair, blue eyes, and glasses. Because I looked just plain awkward, and my body was awkward, and I was painfully quiet and shy. I was so shy that it terrified me to even speak my emotions or feelings, or even what I thought. But I knew this was a moment I had to stand up, to say something, to stand up for what’s right.

“Leave him alone,” I sheepishly said.

This did not go over well, and the girl who was the main ringleader of the bullying looked at me like a snake. Now I was the target. This was not good.

Nevertheless, it seemed to make the head bully and her bully group back down. Bullies do not like to be confronted, and they especially don’t like to be confronted when there is more than one person involved. Now she was not only standing against the kid she was bullying – she was also standing against me.

She eventually backed down, and I have remembered this moment for the rest of my life. The kid I was taking up for and I never really became friends, but I knew he probably deeply appreciated someone at least took up for him. I remember this moment not because bullying at my grade school was a particularly rare incident – it happened all the time. I remember this moment not because I was really good friends with this person I took up for. I remember this moment because I stood up for what’s right, and am deeply proud that I did that today. I only wish I would have done it more often.

Another time I was in gym class with another kid who was particularly small, insecure, and vulnerable. This was perfect for bullies as this made him a perfect target, so they made a game of it. The game was run around the gym and hit him as many times as they could with dodgeballs and basketballs (particularly aiming for the face) until he cried. They were very good at this game, and despite the kid doing his best to act tough, strong, and unaffected he could not hold back the inevitable tears that ensued after getting hit with ball after ball, time and time again.

Unfortunately, our gym teacher did not take up for this kid who was getting bullied, and only decided to speak up when his tears started flowing and his emotions came out. I don’t know if the gym teacher genuinely felt a little bad for the kid who was in tears, or was just afraid some other adult such as the principal would walk in the room and this would land him in trouble for letting his students bully another classmate, but the gym teacher eventually and reluctantly said, “all right all right, stop picking on (kid who was being bullied). Instead, if you want someone to bully, why don’t you pick on this guy.” He said this as he pointed directly at me. Not only were the students bullies, but also the teacher was a bully. Although the bullies turned their attention to me, the main regret I have about this time was that I didn’t take up for the kid being bullied before, like I had taken up for the kid who was being bullied at our lunch table.

It’s not always easy to stand up for what’s right and what is forthright and the right thing to do, but it is one of the most important things you can do in life. It seems like standing up to bullies and people who decide to bring others down is even harder nowadays, with the advent of social media. I have recently seen events in the news where I saw one particular person being bullied to the point where this person was almost in tears -this hurt me – a lot. When I saw this girl talk about being bullied to the point where she was shaking and almost in tears, I saw myself. I saw myself getting bullied and having basketballs and dodgeballs thrown at my head when I was not looking. I saw myself getting called out by the coward gym teacher, who actively encouraged other kids to pick on me. I saw myself trying to hold back tears many times at school when I was hurt or being treated unfairly. I also not only saw myself, but I saw these kids who were also bullied, including the one I took up for and the one I deeply regret not taking up for in gym class. I was always regret not taking up for him, and not doing the right thing in that moment.

It is not easy standing up for what’s right. You expose yourself to attack. You make yourself vulnerable. You make other people resent you, and even hate you on some levels. They will call you names. They will try to humiliate you. They will harass you. But all of this is worth it. It is worth it to stand up for what’s right. Here’s why:

  1. It shows you respect yourself

Too many of us are insecure, and doubt ourselves. There is something called “imposter syndrome,” where you doubt your talents and who you are as a person, and view yourself as an “imposter” when you are around other people who are highly capable. I had this when I was getting my MBA at University. I was around a ton of highly capable, hardworking, intelligence people and felt like a fraud. I didn’t feel like I belonged, I didn’t feel like I should be there. I was doing projects with classmates who were working at companies in high-ranking positions. I was working with engineers who had everything together, who seemed smart, who seemed capable, and then there was just silly old me. When you stand up for what’s right, it shows you respect yourself and your values, and who you are as a person and what that represents. It increases your confidence in yourself, so that you don’t get imposter syndrome like I did.

2. You will be proud you did it

When I took up for that kid who was being bullied at the lunch table, I was scared to even say a word, let alone speak up and do what was right. Now, I can still remember it to this day because I am so glad I did it, and it makes me proud of myself and glad to know that I actually took the leap of faith and did something right and positive for somebody. I only wish I would have taken up for more kids that were bullied during that time.

3. You will become stronger

I talk about working out and dieting to get physically stronger on this blog a lot, but there are actually many things you can do to get mentally strong as well. Speaking up when there are bullies and doing the right thing makes you mentally stronger, and shows others you are physically strong too. Although lifting weights and being big and strong can increase your mental toughness and mental strength, it takes a lot of cojones to stand up for what you actually believe in, and stand up for what it right under a lot of scrutiny. Facing humiliation and rejection may be more painful than it is to lift any amount of weight in the gym. That is a fact.

4. It will build character

The unfortunate truth about our world is that many of us have forgotten about virtues and character traits that make us good humans and have traded this for immediate gratification and lust. Many of us have abandoned religion, which is ok, I believe you should be able to practice whatever religion or do whatever spiritual practice you want to practice, but unfortunately many have lost the lessons of virtue that go along with it. Standing up for what’s right in the face of tyranny will show others you are a man of character, not a man of instant gratification and quick fixes to your own desires. It will show your own self that you are a man of character and are willing to stick up for what’s right, and it will instill in you courage and bravery.

5. You will also likely have courage in other areas of your life

I think standing up for what’s right and facing those bullies on that day in grade school was one of many things that have instilled the quality of bravery I have today. Now don’t get me wrong, I am just as a scaredy-cat as any other man, but since I know I have done brave things in the past such as stand up for what’s right and stand up to bullies I have more courage to do other difficult things in the present that may require bravery. Take for example when my girlfriend broke up with me shortly after Thanksgiving, and I was down about it and thought it was the end of the world. I decided to do something brave – I decided to get on with my life, not sulk about the breakup, and find a new girlfriend (which is one of the most effective ways of getting over a breakup). While at University, I saw a really cute short blonde girl who was leaving the library one day, and I used my bravery to approach her and ask for her phone number. We ended up going on a date and hitting it off, and dated and had a close relationship. Although she ended up breaking up with me because she moved to another country and we were too different, I am glad we met, and dating her helped me get over my previous girlfriend. This all happened because of my accumulation of bravery.

6. Your life will have deeper meaning

I think one of the greatest things in life is having meaning. It makes everything richer, more worthwhile, and it makes all the pain and hardship you go through worth it. I played football when I was in high school, and there was a lot of pain associated with that. Practices were long, hot, sweaty, and brutal. I had headaches everyday when I came home from practice, and my head would throb from the moment I got home to the point my head hit the pillow and I was in bed. I injured my knee at one point and had to be on crutches, and even have scars on my chest, back, and shoulders today from my shoulder pads rubbing against my acne and creating permanent scars that will never go away. I even have a toe that looks a little disfigured, because somebody accidentally stomped on it during practice while doing a drill. But I wouldn’t change any of it, and I am glad I did it. I am glad I did what my heart called me to do, and I am glad I did something meaningful with a community of other people. I am glad I did something that was true to my heart, that was true to my mind, despite the pain and suffering that came along with it. I am glad I showed enough bravery to do hard things knowing the outcome would be difficult, because it shows the world that despite whatever evil or tyranny decides to rear its head and attack, I will always be there to face it valiantly and with the upmost courage, because I will always try to stand up for what is right and be a better man, even if that means facing adversity in the process.


Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar post, 5 Things Not To Do After A Breakup, which are five things I know you are already doing or you’re about to after your girlfriend breaks up with you, or check out 5 Rules For How To React Immediately After a Breakup, which gives you 5 solid and hard rules to follow so you know how to act and get over the breakup like a man.

Like this blog? Is it helping you get over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go ahead and enter in your e-mail along with your comment. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. Please do not take my advice as if I was a doctor or medical professional, as I am not qualified to give that kind of health advice. Please be smart, and use your best judgement when starting a new diet/health/exercise plan and consult your doctor before starting a new diet/health/exercise plan. Thank you.

What a Good Day Looks Like

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many of us are on this post-breakup/post-quarantine/trying-to-live-healthy routine with one goal in mind – to be become a better man. But make no mistake about it – life is hard. Life throws us curveballs we didn’t expect. One day our girlfriend is telling us how much she likes us, and the next she is telling us how she has had sex three times in one week with another person (yes, this did happen to me). So, like a ship set sail for the great unknown, we must have a map to guide us by. We must have a sail to carry us towards our destination. But we must also be able to measure our efforts to know that we have made progress, to know that we are moving towards toward the great unknown, and to know that we are one step closer to getting over a breakup.

Take for example Christopher Columbus, one of the oldest explorers we learned about in grade school. He was similarly in the same boat we are all in when we are trying to get over a breakup – he faced rejection. He tried to get the funds necessary to set sail across the Atlantic, to find a new trade route to the Indies, but was shot down in the most blunt, direct, but possibly humiliating of ways. No one likes to be rejected, not even Christopher Columbus. But, like a true man who seeks to get over a breakup, he found the funds and means necessary to accomplish his mission through another way -through the Spanish – King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella. Just like how it is to get over a breakup, Columbus set sail through the great unknown. He had no idea what was out there, what would happen to him, or who he might encounter. But in all of that chaos, he did have one thing to guide him towards the light and towards the right track – his compass.

I hope to be your compass when it comes to getting over a breakup, and hope to give you six measures to tell you if you had a good day, and if you are on your way to getting over a breakup. We all know what happened at the end of Columbus’ voyage and we all know the old story from grade school – Columbus was more successful than he possibly ever expected in his voyage and found the New World. Like Columbus’ voyage, I hope your voyage with your breakup is successful too, and hope these six measures will get you there more easily, and act as a compass to your journey. Here they are:

  1. Get up and don’t lay in bed all day (stick to a schedule)

This might sound simple to do and may sound like I am setting the expectations low for what a good day looks like when you are getting over a breakup, but if you have ever tried to get over a breakup, you know this can be hard. Your girlfriend tries to breakup with you, or in my case throws it in your face that she is cheating on you and then breaks up with you at her parent’s house, then you will probably go home feeling pretty lousy. Feeling lousy leads to going to bed late. Going to bed late leads to getting up late, which is not good. The goal here is to at least get out of bed, and get moving. Then other good things will come my friend.

2. Eat something healthy

Now when you’re in the beginning stages of getting over a breakup, I don’t expect you to be a five-star-chef everyday. But I would encourage you to at least get some healthy food in you, just don’t set your expectations too high. For example, eating a well-balanced meal at least once a day or maybe three square meals a day with some protein, carbs, and fats will keep you grounded, so you don’t resort to eating junk food or not eating at all which will make you feel worse. Use this time to enjoy yourself, and use this time to enjoy your food. Think of all the times when you were dating you girlfriend, and maybe you couldn’t enjoy your food because you two were arguing, or you were stressed that she might break up with you. When I dated my ex, we used to eat at her apartment. The only problem was her apartment smelled awful. She loved animals and had a cat and a small dog that kind of looked like a rat but we’ll call the dog a dog. The problem with the animals was that they loved to use the bathroom on the floor. The bigger problem with that was that my ex was often too lazy or too preoccupied to clean it up. When we broke up and when I got to eat food at home alone where it didn’t smell like a truck-stop bathroom, I was so thankful.

3. Get a workout in – cardio, weights, yoga, meditation, or a mix of these

Just getting a simple, effective workout in sometime throughout the day will work wonders. It will take you from feeling lousy to feeling heroic (especially if you listen to epic soundtracks from superhero movies while you work out like I do). Do some cardio and weights, or do a yoga session, or just take the time to meditate for eight minutes. Knowing that you took the time to do this will add structure, and will make you feel like you accomplished something.

4. Have “quiet time” in a sacred place (if you can find one)

Think of this as being alone and thinking. When my ex decided to dump me and simultaneously tell me she was cheating on me at the same time, that hurt. A lot. So I went home and ate dinner and went to bed. That week I had a lot of thinking to do – what I wanted for me, what I wanted out of life, what was important to me. I would sit under a tree in my parent’s yard by an old rock wall that was built hundreds of years ago by settlers in Georgia. It was peaceful there, almost spiritual, and it still is peaceful to this day. Maybe there is something holy about that place, that spot, because of all the work that was done there to accomplish building that rock wall. Building that rock wall which is hundreds of yards long and spans several acres across must have been a living hell to put together. But they did it, and sitting by it under that tree in my parent’s yard hundreds of years later gave me perspective on what it means to face true hardship in life, and what it truly means to love. I thought about it and came to the realization – if someone was willing to cheat on me and break up with me, they may have never really loved me in the first place.

5. Hang out with a goofy friend

There is nothing like a goofy friend, and I have the goofiest of them. Even though I don’t really hang out with my friends anymore because our paths in life have veered off in different directions, I still miss my best friend, who is the goofiest kid I know. He could make about anybody laugh. I feel like he could even make the meanest, most sober judge laugh at anything in the world. I have another friend who I would hang out with after said-breakup mentioned above, and we would go to the movies together and laugh at one particular franchise that is supposed to be not funny. It was always so ridiculous to us that we would laugh, and it made me forget about that girl who made me feel like a joke. It’s hard to feel like a joke when you are the one who’s laughing.

6. Be thankful for what you have and what you have been given

This is something I have recently discovered and I am still trying to do. Practicing gratitude has been shown to produce happiness, and make people feel overall happier. I try to do this when I do my daily meditation, and thank God for what has been given to me. I try to be thankful that I have my legs, and I can go outside and run and play with my puppy. I try to be thankful I have eyes, and can see all of the beautiful things in this world that exist each and every day. I try to be thankful that I can go and do what I want to do, in a world that allows me such freedoms. Do this daily and who knows? Maybe in time you will find yourself being thankful that you were in that relationship, because it taught you a few very important life lessons like it did me. Maybe it will give you the perspective to see how an old rock wall can be such a gift, and such a valuable and timeless teacher, and how you can withstand the test of time too, and get over your breakup.

Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar post, 5 Things Not To Do After A Breakup, which are five things I know you are already doing or you’re about to after your girlfriend breaks up with you, or check out 5 Rules For How To React Immediately After a Breakup, which gives you 5 solid and hard rules to follow so you know how to act and get over the breakup like a man.

Like this blog? Is it helping you get over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go ahead and enter in your e-mail along with your comment, or just comment down below on your thoughts, methods, and strategies for how you get over a breakup. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. Please do not take my advice as if I was a doctor or medical professional, as I am not qualified to give that kind of health advice. Please be smart, and use your best judgement when starting a new diet/health/exercise plan and consult your doctor before starting a new diet/health/exercise plan. Thank you.

Missing Her

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

– Oscar Wilde, Irish poet

Remember when you used to come over and swim in my parent’s pool? Those days were the hottest I can remember, but your beauty compensated for the sweltering heat. I would wait for you to get off work and get done nannying children, and you would come over. I would try to hug you, and you would reluctantly hug me back – you didn’t like human affection, but our hugs felt good to me nevertheless. Feeling your skin against mine, as well as feeling your body close to me helped me feel wanted by you, and that was the greatest feeling in the world.

I got in the pool with you, and felt nervous. Do you remember how nervous I was? Beautiful girls have always made me nervous, and you were no exception to that rule. On top of that you were also wearing a bathing suit, do you remember what you would wear to my house? It was one of those new bathing suits I had never seen before. The kind that shows off girls’ hips and makes men melt like ice cream. You made me melt like homemade vanilla. You wore one of those and it made my heart feel like it was working too hard. You made me sweat, you made me feel like there were butterflies flying around my stomach, going crazy. I was crazy for you, and you knew it.

“When were we going to kiss?” I wondered. I hadn’t seen you in so long. We had been broken up for months, do you remember that? Did you feel the same anticipation that I felt when we saw each other again, when you came back over to my house on that hot summer day?

You loved to drink, I didn’t. You were kind of a party girl, and I was kind of a lonely shy hermit that lived in the country. Just calling someone on the phone made me terrified, and now here we were – me with you while you are sitting here looking so attractive, so cute, while I am sitting here like a nervous bumbling little kid.

You tried to get me to drink, and I said no. I didn’t really like to drink, and did not want to ruin the memory or induce any kind of hallucinations or fuzziness to the memories we were making – I wanted to savor every moment clearly and be in my most clear state of mind to remember it. I had missed you too much to dampen this moment with alcohol.

Nevertheless, you got me to drink beer, and it tasted intriguing, but I knew it was not as intriguing as your pout lips. I kept thinking to myself, “when is she going to let me kiss her?” Lord, I was so nervous. It had been so long since we had kissed, and I had missed kissing you. I don’t know if it was the alcohol or the anticipation or the allure between man and woman, but you finally kissed me and it was like a heaven I cannot describe.

I had drunk more than I wanted to under your peer pressure because I did not want you to get mad at me and call me lame. I was a shy boy and you were very outgoing and all your friends thought you were fun, and I did not want you to think of me as a shy lame boy. I drank some wine of yours I believe, and the next thing I knew, we were having sex on my parents couch. There was just only one problem – my mom was home and she was upstairs.

This is a prime example of bad decision-making, but this was one of the things I loved about you. You were full of adventure, you were always willing to push the ticket. You were always willing to live life on edge, and you did things that absolutely surprised me and made me speechless sometimes. This was one of those times.

All I can remember was that it felt really, really good and I was feeling really good. I am a lightweight and never drink and it probably did not take very much to get me drunk, and at some point the better part of decision-making in my brain kicked in and I took us upstairs to finish, before my mom came downstairs and had a heart attack.

I knew I had fallen back in love with you at this point. We had been broken up and I felt like I was getting over our breakup, but I think this day made me fall in back love with you, or at least remind me that I still loved you and was still not over your pretty green eyes, blonde hair, or cute, petite body. I was definitely breaking the rules of getting over a breakup with you, but I didn’t care. I had missed you too much and I was so tired of getting broke up with by other girls. I was sick of it. I was just ready to be accepted. I wanted you and only you and wanted to spend as much time as I could with you before you were going to leave the country in a few months and never come back.

We realized we were hungry and went and got pizza. When I brought back the pizza to the car from the delivery place you took a picture of me and called me your “angel.” I really liked that and miss that.

We got home and ate pizza that night and watched TV together, and it was nice. I felt like you were my girlfriend again, even though in the back of my mind I knew you weren’t, and could not be. You finally had to go home, and I was sad to see you go so soon – it felt like you just got there.

I wished you could have stayed with me forever. I miss you now, and still wish you were with me, but life had other plans. You were called to go somewhere else, and I stayed here and hugged you one last time before you left, and told you goodbye as tears streamed down your cute, small, pretty face from your green eyes. I don’t know why I still miss you – it’s been almost three years since we have seen each other last, but maybe it’s because of days like those hot Summer days that we used to have. Maybe it’s because of some of those hot Summer days when the weather was hot, food tasted good, and when I felt like I was truly in love with you and you were my girl, and always would be my girl in the bottom of my heart.

Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar sappy-as-homemade-Vermont-maple syrup emotional post, Lust. I also recommend you check out my other slightly sappy post, Being Lucky.

Having trouble getting over your girlfriend like me? Check out my posts 5 Things Not To Do After A Breakup, which are five things I know you are already doing or you’re about to after your girlfriend breaks up with you, or check out 5 Rules For How To React Immediately After a Breakup, which gives you 5 solid and hard rules to follow so you know how to act and get over the breakup like a man.

Like this blog? Is it helping you get over your ex-girlfriend? Follow this blog and click follow on this page. Want to let me know what you think? Go ahead and enter in your e-mail along with your comment. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

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