If you’re reading this I want to let you know I miss you. I miss all of the times we had. I miss when I would come over to your apartment, and life seemed simple then. I miss the moment I met you, at the library, while it was hot. You were wearing a big over-sized sweatshirt, and I was wearing a white button-down and khakis. God, I was so nervous. I am even nervous thinking about it now.
I was so nervous to approach you, but I used what little courage I had and took a leap of faith. I told you my pick-up line, and you liked it. If I would have known your personality, I couldn’t have picked a better line to woo you.
I fell in love with you fast. How could I have not? You had short blonde hair, a spunky personality, and piercing green eyes. I would stay at your apartment all the time. We would bicker sometimes about dumb things, such as me using your roommates lotion or eating too much food, but I would keep coming over, and you would keep kissing me when I got there.
I would eat your soup you made, that you were so proud of. “Weight loss soup” was what it was called. I ate it even though I wasn’t trying to lose weight, and it tasted good. I would eat it and curl up with you on your couch and you would introduce me to your favorite tv shows, and I liked them. You would cook me other things, such as eggs, toast, turkey bacon, and even roasted cucumber with cheese on it. I liked the eggs, toast, and turkey bacon much more than the roasted cucumber with cheese on it. On second thought, I think I liked everything you made more than the roasted cucumber with cheese on it.
I would do anything to bring this moment back, even if only for a moment. I would give anything to revel in it, to see it, to soak it in. To see the sights, smells, tastes, and feel your soft touch.
Life was simple then. I felt better. I ate good food everyday. I slept a lot, and it felt good. I felt like I had no worries in the world, and felt like what was going on was going to last forever. I felt like we we’re going to last forever. I forgot the famous phrase “this too shall pass” – and pass it did.
You left. You met me at a park one day. We layed out a blanket on the soft grass, and ate a lunch that I prepared for you the night before. I worked so hard on that lunch, and wanted it to be perfect for you. It had to be just right. I spent hours preparing that lunch, maybe because I wanted to somehow repay you for all of the food you had made me at your apartment. Maybe it was because I wanted to impress you, or maybe it was because I wanted to somehow show that I really did truly love you.
We went to your car and I gave you a card. I don’t remember what the card said or what was on it, but I do remember it was sort of a “goodbye” card. You looked up at me for the last time, with tears streaming down your face. It was at this moment that I knew. It was at this moment that I knew I was never going to see you again. Throughout all of our fights, arguments, disagreements, and “breakups” before, I had never seen you cry. Not once. My heart sank as I watched you leave, as I had not fully understood or comprehended what had happened. I was left standing there at my car, with an empty feeling inside.
Those next months after you left were some of the hardest in my life. I thought about you all the time. I thought about you while eating dinner. I thought about you while taking a shower. I thought about you while going to bed. I didn’t know how I was going to get over you. I had no idea about you, or my life in general. I sobbed in the shower many times, because I just wanted you there back with me.
The months dragged on and turned into years, and to this day I still don’t know if I am over you. I saw your e-mails you sent to me recently, but I didn’t know what to say. I almost felt embarrassed. I felt embarrassed of what you would think of me now. I am sure you are over me but I am not over you. It takes me a long time for me to get over a girl, and it will take me an especially long time to get over you.
I saw your message on my phone too, and it made my heart skip a beat. I still didn’t reply, feeling embarrassed. What am I to say? You have your own life thousands of miles away, and I have – well, whatever I have going on right now.
There is nothing I can do. You live thousands of miles away, we can’t be together anymore. We are not the same people we once were. I am not the same skinny blonde-haired goofy guy that would come over to your apartment. I am not the same kid who would pick you up and kiss you whatever chance I got. I was just this goofy kid, and now I am different. I have been through a lot of stuff in the past few years. I have been through a lot of bad stuff and I am dealing with my own issues right now still. Do I even deserve you?
I don’t really think I do, so I will just continue to ignore your message. As hard as it is not talk to you, I will not reply – at least not for now. I plan on replying to you soon, I promise. But for right now I don’t see the point, I am too much of a loser for you and you are probably doing great. I just don’t want to have a message exchange with you where you tell me how great you are and how great you have been doing because I know you have been great and are great and I would have to lie and tell you I am doing great too, when in reality I’m struggling a lot right now.
So for now I will keep things this way, and in due time I will reply to you because I still do miss you and still think about you. I know I am slowly moving towards a better place right now – I just want to wait until I’ve arrived when I message you back. I don’t want you to worry about me, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. In the end, maybe I just want you to miss me as much as much as I miss you right now.
Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar sappy-as-homemade-Vermont-maple syrup emotional post, Lust. I also recommend you check out my other slightly sappy post, Being Lucky.
Having trouble getting over your girlfriend like me? Check out my posts 5 Things Not To Do After A Breakup, which are five things I know you are already doing or you’re about to after your girlfriend breaks up with you, or check out 5 Rules For How To React Immediately After a Breakup, which gives you 5 solid and hard rules to follow so you know how to act and get over the breakup like a man.
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How To Get Over a Breakup 