The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.
– Franklin D. Roosevelt
I was sitting on my bed downstairs and felt crushed. My girlfriend had left me, and moved thousands of miles away. I wasn’t where I wanted to be in life. Life seemed complicated – and there were no real straight-forward answers. I would spend hours at night just walking around my parent’s house, trying to find direction, trying to find meaning, and trying to find where I should go now in life. The wondering outside was kind of a metaphorical exercise to show that I was lost, and that was my only way of dealing with it. I was currently not happy with my current state in life. I needed some sort of grounding. I needed some sort of change. I needed some sort of rock to anchor the ship on. I needed a solid foundation to get over this breakup, and to move on.
I tried dating new girls – but they always seemed to turn me down or fall short of my seemingly low expectations and values. Half the girls I met on dating apps assumed my actions and intentions were to just find a hookup or use them for sex even before I opened my mouth. When I did open my mouth, they would assume everything I said was linked to the goal of deceiving them for sex or a sexual gain or conquest only to leave them humiliated. This could not be farther from the truth. The truth was was that I wanted a committed girlfriend to spend time with, have a relationship with, and to confide in. I wanted a girl who liked me for me, and who I liked for her. I wanted someone to have a sexual relationship with yes; but also wanted someone to have a normal boyfriend/girlfriend committed relationship with as well. I was just so damn tired of being judged just for being a male and not for being me.
I gave up on dating all together and decided to just focus on getting on the right track, on improving, and becoming a better man. I got up at the same time everyday, I went outside and meditated in the morning. I then would play with my new puppy, go on my daily bike ride, and come home tired but feeling good. I would then sit on the kitchen floor while my parents ate dinner, hold my puppy, and listen to the latest gossip they had to tell or what their latest opinion on the world was. I would get in a second workout afterwards, which usually involved riding the exercise bike or lifting weights, and finally eat my one meal of the day as a big supper and watch a little TV before going to bed. I would do it all over again the next day.
I really miss those days. Not only because I was younger and life seemed more simple, but because of the routine I was in and how it made me feel. Sure other things were better in my life then – my puppy was smaller, cuter, and easier to hold. I was a little heavier then and had more muscle, and it was during the Summer so the weather was better than it is now. But having a set routine and schedule is huge when it comes to getting out of a rut in life, as well as exercising, eating healthy, and overall having a positive mindset and a strive to keep things simple. Do not overcomplicate life – life is already complicated enough. We live in the age of smartphones, personal computers, the internet, and of course there are women. Life is incredibly complicated with all of these factors, so why complicate it even more when you don’t have to? During this period of time in my life when I felt so lost, I implemented several rules that really helped me feel grounded, and find my footing. I did not have a guide to do this, I just kind of followed what I felt was right for me and what helped me, gradually over time. Here are six different things I did that I thought helped me the most when I felt lost in life, to help me feel more grounded, and to give my life more meaning:
- Got into a routine
Many time in life when I have felt loss or not grounded I have let my routine slip along with the simple acts of getting up at the same time every morning and going to bed at relatively the same time every night. Just recently I was getting on a bad sleep schedule and daily routine, and found myself sleeping at different times, going to bed at different times, and eating at different times. I then consciously made the simple decision to get up during the day and eating during the day, and go to sleep during the night. That simple decision made me feel better, and led to other positive consequences, such as being able to get to the grocery store on time and being able to get more work done during the day.
2. Workout or exercise on a daily basis
Just getting a simple workout in every day will help ground you when you feel lost in life, and will give your life more meaning. You will have something to look forward to that will make you feel good when you get up in the morning, and you will feel good for the rest of the day after your workout. It will also reinforce your routine if you work out at the same time everyday, and will give you more confidence when you lift weights as you watch the weight grown, and just as importantly your body grow.
3. Do something fun/something you enjoy
For me, this was playing with my corgi puppy everyday, but we all enjoy different things. For some guys it may be going to hang out with a good buddy, or for others it may be cooking a good meal, watching a funny movie, etc. Now I am not saying I would recommend spending your entire day on this one activity, but spending 15 minutes to one hour everyday doing something that’s small but that gives you a significant amount of joy is invaluable. Remember – when it comes to life, it’s about the little things.
4. Having a decent diet plan
Notice here I said decent. The goal here with your diet is not to overcomplicate it, and keep it simple. Get on a diet plan that allows you to follow it, but don’t be too strict, and don’t make it too complicated. During this Summer I ate a simple diet that had me eating one to two times a day, and I didn’t put any heavy restrictions on it. During a time when you may feel lost in life you don’t want to add extra stressors and burden yourself, but again it’s good to have some kind of structure.
5. Meditation/prayer
I talk about the benefits of meditation often, and think that mediation is one of the most important rituals you can do when you just feel plain lost in life. When I meditated everyday, and still when I meditate today, it allows me to think clearer and not get lost in the complications of life. It allows me to think and focus on one thing, rather than get lost in the complications of a dozen different distracting noises, lights, and sounds. Just right now as I am writing this blog post I feel more focused and attentive, and I know it is partly due to the fact that I meditated earlier today and it is helping me focus more on writing and less on thinking about unrelated issues, such as whether I should have gone to the grocery store tonight.
6. Talk to someone who you can trust
Being able to talk to someone who is a true friend or family member is especially helpful when it comes to helping you when you feel lost in life because it is helpful to get the opinions of other people, because they often see what we can’t see. Many times we get lost in our own viewpoints and objectives, and having someone from an objective viewpoint listen to your opinions and give their own is invaluable. Sometimes I tell my mom how I feel to get her objective viewpoint, because she is wise and has lived many more years than I. Getting her opinion on subjects exposes me to a perspective I previously could not see, and allows me to see some situations for what they are, rather than what I perceive them to be. That way, I can see that sometimes when I am lost in life, whether it be because my girlfriend broke up with me, or just because I don’t see where my future is going, that I am actually not lost and may be on the right path. Sometimes in life when one door closes another opens, and just because a girl broke up with you doesn’t mean all the doors are closed, it may mean that another door had opened and you are right where you were meant to be all along. Here’s to finding ourselves and seeing what’s in store for 2021, and I hope however lost you may feel in your life right now you will still be able to see that maybe you were on the right path all along, and are well on your way to getting over your breakup and becoming a better man.
Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar post, 5 Things Not To Do After A Breakup, which are five things I know you are already doing or you’re about to after your girlfriend breaks up with you, or check out 5 Rules For How To React Immediately After a Breakup, which gives you 5 solid and hard rules to follow so you know how to act and get over the breakup like a man.
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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. Please do not take my advice as if I was a doctor or medical professional, as I am not qualified to give that kind of health advice. Please be smart, and use your best judgement when starting a new diet/health/exercise plan and consult your doctor before starting a new diet/health/exercise plan. Thank you.
How To Get Over a Breakup 