We are rarely proud when we are alone.
– Voltaire
Everything between me and my new girlfriend was going great. Ok, to be honest she wasn’t officially my girlfriend – we had been on two dates already but really seemed to connect and I really liked her. She was a good bit younger than me which worried me, because I knew in my heart that there is nothing more flakier and pickier in this world than a young girl who has not had a dose of reality and maturity yet. Nevertheless, we were texting each other a lot, and by a lot I mean for hours at a time. This was unusual for me because I am rarely attached to my phone, for I am an unwise man at many time but I do know the dangers of being attached to your cell phone, and personally find the fakeness of a text messaging, social media, and the smart phone ingenuine and one of the most unauthentic ways to communicate in this otherwise unauthentic world we find ourselves in. But I found myself almost addicted to her, despite the little voice in the back of my head telling me to watch out, because this girl was so young.
Then, I didn’t hear from her for a couple of days. I obeyed the rules of 5 Things Not To Do After a Breakup, and didn’t freak out and call her, and just gave her her space. I handled it like a man, and didn’t freak out and continued to give her space. Finally after much anticipation and nervous sweating, and after not hearing from this ghost for two days I sent her a simple text message that read, “Hey, are you ok?” I got the reply that she was ok, but she was just busy. I then asked her when she was available to hang out again, since we both had been in quarantine from COVID (she actually got COVID and recklessly exposed it to me by hanging out with me on a date, but I didn’t seem to get it but still had to stay in quarantine). She replied to me with the cold and direct text: “No, I don’t want to hang out I don’t want commitment and don’t have the same feelings for you as you do me I’m sorry.” One day she was calling me baby and telling me how much she liked me and only me, and exactly two days after she was telling me she really never wanted to see me again. I should have known better.
So what should you do if you find yourself in this extremely likely scenario? Here are my six tips for you fine gentlemen that find yourself in this scenario and who want to handle it the best way possible:
- Don’t text her back more than a couple times
If she was rude, selfish, and unsympathetic enough to breakup with you via text message knowing that you have a significant amount of feelings involved, why are you wasting time with this coward of a person? Seriously. There are enough people in this world who choose to be bad people, and who choose cowardice, selfishness, and malevolence over sympathy, understanding, and compassion, so why are you wasting your time with her? The honest truth is you shouldn’t, and this person does not deserve your time and you don’t need waste any more of your precious time on this girl than you need to. When she breaks up with you, at most try to communicate with her on how she feels and let her know how you feel, and let her know you still have feelings for her, care for her, and wanted a relationship with her, and if she doesn’t even have the cojones to text you back after you have been forthright, honest, direct, and truthful with her then that shows you her real character, who she is as a person, and that you need to move on and need to start to get over your breakup.
2. Give her space
When she breaks up with you over text and you reply to her about the content mentioned above, and let her know that you do care about her and would like to have a relationship with her, if she ever is going to reply it may not be right away, which is ok. She is obviously having second feelings about you and this relationship, and sometimes that is a lot to take in if you have sent her a long text message pouring your heart out. Don’t focus on her or the text message or your phone at all for that matter and go doing something constructive, and go improve yourself. If she doesn’t text you back in a few days I would say just forget about it and move on, there are plenty of other fish in the sea bro, and like I said before, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t care about your feelings and who lacks the virtues of basic sympathy and understanding for your fellow human being anyway?
3. Find something to get your mind off of it
When your girl breaks up with you via text, your mind will likely be racing and going through every possibly scenario on why she broke up with you: “did she break up with me because I’m fat? Did she break up with me because I didn’t perform the last time we had sex? Did she break up with me because she is seeing another guy?” Relax. It really doesn’t matter why she broke up with you. Did you hear what I said? It really does not matter why she broke up with you. If she broke up with because the stock market is down it wouldn’t matter. What matters most is what you do now, and how you handle it. I know you want to text her a gazillion times, sit at home and do nothing, and cry in the shower. Trust me I’ve been there and have actually done all three of those things – and they don’t help. At all. What really helps is doing something constructive with you time, like working out, cleaning up your room or house, or even learning a new skill, such as learning to play the piano. This will do wonders and will take your mind off the girl and your meaningless phone as well as improve you overall and make you a better man for the next girl that comes along. They say the best revenge is living well, and when you get over her and find a new, better girl as a new, better man that will be the ultimate revenge for her not giving you the decency and mercy of a real, in-person breakup.
4. Know that she isn’t justified for breakup up via text message
I know a lot of girls (and guys) who have the cowardice to break up with someone via text message or even worse, ghost all together. They will think of about a million reasons to justify it. Girls, in particular, like to use more of a victim narrative to justify it, and say there are scared to break up with a guy in person because they are afraid that a guy may act out violently as a consequence and physically hurt her or put her in danger. I don’t buy this excuse, because if you have never physically abused your girl (which you shouldn’t), then should you be blamed for the actions of others, just because they are the same sex as you? Should you be held accountable for the actions of other people, just because you are the same sex as those other people? That would be like a shop owner saying, I won’t let a minority in, because crime rates are higher with minorities. Now don’t get me wrong, any man who is physically abuse and resorts to violence is wrong and I don’t condone this behavior at all, but should we as men have to pay for the actions of our fellow men who decide to take the dark path and act out wrongly or unethically? At the very least, your girlfriend could have met you at a public place where there are other people and it is safe, and broken up with you there. But do not blame yourself for your girlfriend’s wrongdoings and cowardice, and just accept that other people will treat you unfairly no matter what and try to learn from it and move on.
5. Write her a letter and throw it away
This may sound a bit ridiculous, but has worked for some and has proved to be highly effective for people dealing with their emotions. Of course, you can write her a real letter and send it to her and see if that works, as I have done before, but writing a fake letter lets you really rationalize your feelings. One of the reasons I started this blog was because I love writing, and writing is sort of a way for me to sort out my own emotions, feelings, thoughts, and actions. This blog and writing in general has helped me do that, and just by writing a simple letter to your girl and never sending it to her you can sort through many of your own in a healthy, effective way. Even one of the GOAT’s knew this himself – President Abraham Lincoln after the Battle of Gettysburg. At the end of the battle, one of Lincoln’s generals, General Meade had the opportunity to trap General Robert E. Lee’s confederate army as they were retreating but Meade did not act on it, and hesitated despite Lincoln’s order to attack. This made Lincoln so angry that he wrote a harsh letter to Meade criticizing Meade for not trapping the confederates, but Lincoln never sent the letter. The letter was only a tool to help Lincoln rationalize the situation. If it worked for Abraham Lincoln, why wouldn’t it work for you?
6. Text someone new, and let it go
If she hasn’t texted you back and she’s already sent the breakup message, chances are she is done and it is time to let it go. One of the best ways to do this is text someone new, and go out with someone new when you feel ready. It will show you there are other people out there who are good people and who will date you and who will at least show you the mercy and sympathy of an in-person breakup, if you and this new person ever so happen to breakup. The next day after this girl broke up with me via text message, I decided to message some other girls I knew and was interested in who were actually my age, and I could already feel myself feeling better about the situation, and felt like I was well on my way to the road of getting over the breakup, and becoming a better man.
Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar post, 5 Things Not To Do After A Breakup, which are five things I know you are already doing or you’re about to after your girlfriend breaks up with you, or check out 5 Rules For How To React Immediately After a Breakup, which gives you 5 solid and hard rules to follow so you know how to act and get over the breakup like a man.
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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. Please do not take my advice as if I was a doctor or medical professional, as I am not qualified to give that kind of health advice. Please be smart, and use your best judgement when starting a new diet/health/exercise plan and consult your doctor before starting a new diet/health/exercise plan. Thank you.
How To Get Over a Breakup 