“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
– Oscar Wilde
It was the Fall semester of my second year away from home at college, and I had a seemingly difficult decision to make. I had just woken up from a glorious nap after a glorious chest workout after getting back from the college gym and was feeling rather relaxed and unmotivated to go to class. Sitting at my small desk in my relatively cramped dorm room I started surfing the web on my laptop trying to kill the time. My aimless and time-consuming surfing eventually led me to the main page of my favorite porn category and to the “big breasts” section. Captivated by the lumps of large fat on the pixellated images of womens’ chests, I realized I had to choose to either keep watching or go to my statistics class, where I was already struggling to maintain a C average. Somehow the images of beautiful women seemed much more appealing to me than the idea of learning the standard deviation of a sample population. Inevitable the women won the contest and I took the low road of skipping class to see a few more pixellated images of a naked girl while I lost track of time.
Did I end of regretting this decision? Yes I did. Turns out I missed some crucial material some other girls in the class informed me. Several of the smartest girls in the class seemingly immune to the beyond-powerful distractions of sex told I had missed important material, but let me try to salvage the situation by copying their notes. The end result? I ended up barley scraping away with a C average for the course. This experience taught me some important lessons about how to deal with porn while in college and getting over a breakup:
- Don’t over do it
I am not an advocate of pornography nor do I thing it’s the best thing since sliced bread but I do realize many guys are going to look at it regardless, because the fact is is that young guys tend to be obsessed with the opposite sex. If you can’t abstain from looking at it all together then I would suggest to at least try to limit it to around three times per week, max. You will know when you are looking at it too much and it is a problem when you are like me and decide to skip class to look just one more video five minutes before class starts and suddenly realize class is over the next time you look at the clock. Or, it might be best to moderate yourself to only one day a week where you can let loose. I think Oscar Wilde said it best: “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
2. Do the benefits outweigh the costs?
Another thing to account for in your decision to include porn in your life is to ask yourself the question: “do the benefits of doing this outweigh the costs?” If for example you find that you are not pursuing other girls and going out on dates Saturday night because you would rather watch porn, then the benefits definitely do not outweigh the costs, because your porn is getting in the way of you moving forward in life and getting a real live girlfriend, which is way better. If on the other hand you find that your sexuality is out of hand, and you use watching porn every once in a while to calm yourself down sexually instead of going out and having sex with lots of girls and potentially getting a girl pregnant, then the benefits may outweigh the costs. You have to weigh which option fits you and see if you can handle being without porn or having porn in moderate amounts in your life.
3. Is it too distracting to you?
This is another question you have to ask yourself when you are evaluating whether you should include porn in your life. While you are in your introductory statistics class do you find your mind wandering and looking forward to getting a good workout when class ends, or do you find yourself looking forward to watching porn? When you are at the bar or out with the bros do you find yourself getting distracted because you are thinking about it? Even when you are on a date with an attractive cute girl do you find yourself getting distracted from her because you are thinking about what what you are going to do when you get home? If so then maybe it’s time you decide to cut it out of your life.
4. Quitting porn can help you get over a breakup
There has been a movement the last couple of years going on throughout the internet that is advocating for guys to quit porn and masturbating, but I mistakenly did this several years ago when my girlfriend broke up with me while I was in my third and last year of college. Since I had had a steady girlfriend for almost two years, I was not used to watching porn or even masturbating at all and had abstained from that anyway because she had replaced the need for it. Shortly after we broke up, I began to associate porn with failure because it reminded me of being single, and it became unappealing. I didn’t watch porn for nearly half a year and can actually say I was a happier man, with more confidence and felt like I had more self control. It was almost a liberating feeling. I began to feel myself become more productive, and I think this helped me spiral upward and forget about my girlfriend and move on to bigger and better things.
5. Porn may also help you get over a breakup
After I had not used porn for about half a year, I looked at a couple of pictures and videos of naked girl on the internet. I then realized after looking at the pictures how attracted I was to these other girls who weren’t my girlfriend, and this gave me the realization that there were other girls out there besides my ex-girlfriend. Seeing this ultimately gave me the motivation to go out and talk to other girls and get another girlfriend because it showed me there were other fish in the sea, so in a weird way porn motivated me to see other girls and get over my girlfriend faster.
I am not a big fan of porn and ultimately do not recommend it because I know it gives a lot of young guys trouble, but I believe porn is mostly what you make of it. If you have the discipline and the willpower then it can be a positive in your life that will suppress unreasonably extra sexual urges or fantasies. It can also be a double edged sword and more often than not be a distraction and negative force in your life that will make it harder for you to get over a breakup and move on with your life, so I recommend being cautious, and when in doubt, throw it out.
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How To Get Over a Breakup 