We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit.
– Aristotle
I was heading to the gym – yet again. My girlfriend had dumped me over the phone last Spring semester and we saw each other for one last time over the Summer. I can still see her now – we went to a swimming hole that is a natural spring I knew of. She was wearing a bikini, and I was young and naïve. She looked like a goddess to me. She was young, and I was young, and I was in love. We had one last passionate moment at that spring where we swam in ice cold water during a hot, Georgia day, then we went back to my house where things got a little steamier. Then she kissed me one last time as she said goodbye. I kept playing this over and over in my head and I was missing it while heading to get my workout in.
I kept playing in my mind what she looked like, what she smelled like, what she made me feel. Lord, I missed her so much. Why is life so unfair? Why was I given such as happy Summer with her for it only to be temporary, for it only to be quickly taken away? I guess life is funny like that sometimes.
I thought I was going to get married. I was thoroughly convinced in my mind that this girl was the one for me, and I felt lucky. I felt lucky to have found my soulmate at such a ripe young age of 18 years old. I felt lucky to have found a girl whom I cared for so much.
The weights moved with her picture still in my mind. Lat pulldown time. Time to get that big back. Time to improve. Time to get better. The only problem was – it didn’t seem like I was getting better.
I was “plateauing” – hard. I was not making any progress in the gym. I was counting calories and upping my food intake to try to grow, trying to put more weight on the bar, and even got great “pumps.” But I was not growing, and it did not seem like I was improving.
Enter the phrase “stimulate don’t annihilate” famously said by bodybuilder and legend Lee Haney. The reason I wasn’t growing was because I was mentally and physically fatigued. I was bitter and sad about my old relationship. I missed my girlfriend who broke up with me after that Summer. I wanted her back. I didn’t really want to grow and improve. All I really wanted was to see her again, and I was not ready to move on.
Until you embrace the concept of “stimulate don’t annihilate” and move on from your old girlfriend, you will not be able to grow and improve in the gym. I don’t care who you are. I don’t care if your the champion bodybuilder Lee Haney or Arnold the legend himself. I was so stuck in being down about my old girlfriend that I was not ready to progress in the gym. I was not ready to move on, and so I was not ready to improve.
I left that college, and moved back home with my parents, and started seeing my friends again. Started following the rules of getting over a breakup, and took a break on working out all together. Started feeling myself get happier, started seeing an improvement in my mindset, and started laughing at silly things. I started living and enjoying life, and although I got to a point where I enjoyed life a little too much and gained some weight, I got my weight down to an acceptable point and started living and enjoying life again while making progress during working out.
This is the secret to working out post-breakup to make progress: stimulate but don’t annihilate your muscles and mind. Notice I said muscles and mind. When my girlfriend broke up with me, I was annihilating both, and it was hindering my progress. Remember, as Oscar Wilde said, everything in moderation – including moderation. Here is why you stimulating you muscles and not annihilating them will help you make progress post-breakup:
- It is more productive in the long-run
Think about the last time you went to the gym and went to failure on any exercise. Take for example, maybe you decided to go to failure on bench-press (which I don’t recommend). How did you feel the next day? You were probably tired, sore, and could barely move. This is not sustainable in the long-run. Going to failure and “annihilating” your muscles will lead you to feeling tired, unmotivated, and sore. I haven’t been sore in months, even though I work out everyday, and even when the last time I was sore it was very minimal. Why you might ask? Because I stimulate my muscles, and don’t annihilate them. I am able to keep up my workout routine and program because I don’t overdo it and listen to my body, and do enough reps and weight of curls or chest press until my muscles feel like they have been stimulated.
2. It saves time
When you are doing unnecessary repetitions of curls, squats, chest presses, or tricep extensions you are using up your precious time you have in the day that you could be doing something else. Not only does it take extra time and effort to work harder, but it also takes extra time to take extra rest periods so that you can actually recover from your more strenuous workouts. You could be using that time to do things such as say, I don’t know, how about get over your breakup?
3. It saves motivation
Ever think of how motivated you are when you first start a new workout routine and are inspired by someone else’s physique? I can remember when I first saw Arnold. I was amazed at the size of his biceps, how big his chest was, and how big his legs were. My brother actually had a famous poster of Arnold on his wall of his apartment in college, and that was actually tremendous motivation for me. I would go and try to workout and get big like Arnold (even though in reality Arnold was on steroids and I could probably never get as big as him natural) and would do too much. I would be too sore the next day, and would almost lose motivation all together. Remember, in working out and in life in general, consistency always wins. Do what you have to do to stay consistent, even if that means taking it easy on some of your first few workouts so that you’re not so sore that you can’t function.
4. You will actually make more progress by not over-doing it
I know firsthand the greatest progress I have made was by being consistent and not overdoing my workout. When I was in college, I had a girlfriend invite me over to her parent’s house only to breakup with me and throw it in my face that she was cheating one me too. This hurt quite a bit. But afterwards I made one of the greatest decisions I have ever made and decided to improve my diet quite a bit and embark on a workout journey. I actually started working out in a more structured way with more consistency and made sure not to “annihilate” my muscles. The progress came steadily and I gained a significant amount of weight, strength, and confidence in the process. Pick a workout routine, and stick with it. You will see the gains come my friend.
5. You will “save” you discipline for other areas of your life
A recent study I saw showed that our discipline works like a battery. At the beginning of the day, your discipline “battery” is charged up and full, ready to be used at your disposal, and throughout the day the battery is used up and by the end of the day, it is usually depleted. Now think of the precious discipline you are using when you are pushing it too hard in the gym and annihilating your muscles. You can use that discipline for other areas, such as your diet, which is actually more important when it comes to making progress in the gym.
6. It promotes longevity
Just the other day I was doing some pullups with my pullup bar that fits in the doorway that I like to use, and started feeling a little twinge of pain in my elbow. I started feeling the same pain in my elbow when I started doing my pushups, and realized my body was trying to tell me something. It was trying to tell me to slow down, and make sure you don’t injure yourself. It was telling me that I was annihilating more than I was stimulating, and this is not my goal. My goal is to be able to workout when I am old, an to be able to live a long life where I am strong, healthy, able, and fit. I want to be fit enough to be able to chase down a thief when he steals my future girlfriend’s purse. I want to be able to run in the yard after my corgi puppy as fast as I can. I want to be able to lift heavy weights and have strong bones so they don’t snap at any moments notice. If you stimulate and don’t annihilate, I believe you will be able to do all of these things too, and believe you will be able to improve yourself to become a better man, and ultimately get over your breakup.
Like this post? I highly recommend you check out my other similar post, Workout Post-Breakup – The Perfect Workout To Help You Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend, which describes an effective workout to help you get over that girl who broke your heart. Also check out my post The Best Workout For Getting Over Your Breakup, which in my opinion tells you the single most important workout you can do to help you get over your ex-girlfriend that you probably haven’t thought of.
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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. Please do not take my advice as if I was a doctor or medical professional, as I am not qualified to give that kind of health advice. Please be smart, and use your best judgement when starting a new diet/health/exercise plan and consult your doctor before starting a new diet/health/exercise plan. Thank you.
How To Get Over a Breakup 