“The best feeling in the world is knowing you actually mean something to someone.”
– Unknown
A new notification popped up on my phone. Damn, hadn’t I turned all notifications off for every app on my phone? I could never figure out the settings for that.
I opened up the notification to see that I had gotten a match and a message from a girl I was only mildly attracted to. On the official classic male-created scale of 1-10 she was about a 4.5 to a 6 on a good day. But, given the circumstances that I was fairly desperate for a girlfriend at the time and unbearably lonely, I messaged her back.
The first red flag – her message to me was a mistake. She had meant to message someone else and the first message I ever got from this girl was, “are you coming over tonight daddy?” Although this was cool to me because pretty much every man in the universe likes being called daddy, myself included, it showed she wasn’t the smartest tool in the shed to accidentally send that message to a stranger on an online dating app.
Second red flag – nearly all of her profile pictures were her doing the one thing that I find disgusting and is my pet peeve when it comes to girl’s online dating profiles – she was sticking her tongue out. I understand that you may think it looks “cute” and it makes you seem cool and fun or even open-minded, but in reality I think it’s just as disgusting and annoying as a picture of a man’s privates, if not even more disgusting. And for your information, I never send naked pictures of myself to anyone, except in rare circumstances a girl I am in a relationship with.
Third red flag – all of her likes and interests were that of someone that was three years old or at best in high school. Her likes included things like fast food, and I never eat fast food. She liked cartoons that only a toddler would watch, and the only cartoons I ever watch are adult ones that actually are pretty funny. Every aspect of her profile signaled that she hated any form of exercise, and I love going to the gym and being outdoors and hiking. Finally, she even included some rude quotes in her profile that I see many times in online dating said something along the lines of, “I am the most important person in the universe and there are very few guys worthy of me.” There was every signal in the book this girl was not for me, but for some reason I trudged on and responded to her inappropriate message. That reason was most likely the aforementioned loneliness I was feeling at the time as well as the fact that she looked like she was “easy.”
She was surprisingly nice on our first date, except that she had one of the loudest laughs I have ever heard come out of a humans mouth. We talked in my car and got to know each other, and despite our absence of commonalities and her incredibly loud laugh, I had a decent time. I was not lonely for that night and it was nice to have company and a real human being to talk to, despite this human being not so great.
She even showed me her boobs unexpectedly at the end of the date, and let me play with them which was nice. I was beginning to be glad I took the time to message this girl back, because now not only was I not lonely and not missing my ex-girlfriend, I was getting to play with a really big set of EE breasts, which was pretty cool. What more could a man ask for?
Unfortunately, there is a rule in economics that states there is “no free lunch.” This principle basically means for every action, there is an opportunity cost, or something you give up. For example, if I go and buy a protein bar from the grocery store and spend five dollars, the cost of the protein bar is not just the five dollars. The cost of the protein bar includes the five dollars plus whatever I gave up for spending money on the protein bar. I gave up the opportunity of spending five dollars on coffee, gas, or anything else money can buy.
This principle eventually applied with the short-lived relationship I had with this girl. She became dissatisfied with only having her breasts played with, and expected much more. And seeing I was not really wanting to do anything more with this girl, she got very angry with me. Never having a male human reject her before in her life, she expected to demand intercourse and it be delivered to her on a platter. Me striving to be a respectable young man and gentleman was not ready to take that step in the relationship, especially when we were not even dating. The cost of playing with her boobs and having her keep me company was having to put up with her angry attitude, and this is when her true character revealed itself.
The relationship soon ended, with her ghosting me and not talking to me for months after. I ended up reconnecting with her months after that, and asked her if she would like to hang out. I got an unclassy response that I kind of half-way expected that went something along the lines of, “hell no, you’re boring and I’m over you.” Ok, guess I’ll leave you alone for the rest of your life then.
In retrospect, the relationship was a mistake, but I learned something about myself from it. I learned that I was not ready to move on to another relationship, much less a sexual one. I learned that I was not ready to start dating again, and that dating can be complicated, messy process. I learned that I loved and cared about my last girlfriend more than I thought, and in a weird way, it made me appreciate and care about her more. I learned that I miss my ex-girlfriend, and I was still not over her, and it will probably take a long time to get over her, even though she is more than likely gone from my life forever.
I also learned that it’s ok to be alone. You don’t have to be with another person to feel not lonely. You can hang out with your friends, your family. This Christmas has made me appreciate my family a whole lot more, and be thankful that I have them. It is really nice to not be alone, but it is really really nice to not be alone on Christmas, and be around people that care about you, and be around people that make you feel like they have your back, come hell or high water.
I’ve also had to come to hard realization this year – life is about more than romantic relationships. There are plenty of things I love to do alone. I love working out alone. I love reading alone. I love being alone while walking and running outside when it’s 2 am, and there is not another soul around for miles. I love being outside at night while alone, looking up at the stars, and thinking about what it all means, what my place is in this universe, and why things have happened in my life and why things are the way they are. Looking up at the stars and being alone reminds me there are things more complicated in the universe, and I am not the center of all problems. The stars above my head are bigger than me. They have been here before I was born, and they will be there long after I die.
I love being alone and reading a book, to expand my knowledge. I love learning about things that interest me, and to read the stories of other people who lived before me, who fought much harder battles than I have. This is humbling.
I love learning about subjects that are interesting, such as why humanity is the way it is today, and what the future holds for us. I like to think this helps me understand our place in the universe more.
I like to think that doing these things helps grow me as a person. I like to think that it helps me grow into an even better man that knows how to think rationally, be more confident, and be more comfortable in myself. That way, when I hopefully do find the right person someday, I can be the best person I can be for them, and I can be comfortable in my own shoes and confident when I am with that person. That’s probably where the best relationships start and develop.
So that is pretty much why I have been single all year, and I may be single in the future indefinitely, but that’s ok. My goal in life is not to have a significant other to just fill a gap, and hole in my confidence, and just be there. My goal is to have this person be there because I want them to be there, and wouldn’t trade them for any single one person in the world. My goal is to have someone who I love them for them, and have them love me for me. I don’t want to love someone because they are my girlfriend/wife. I want to love someone because of their unique personality and unique self that makes them special out of the other billions of other people in this world. And I hope they would feel the same about me.
So if you are single and either just got broken up with or got broken with a while ago like me, know that it’s ok to be alone and hang out with yourself, and pursue someone when you feel like it’s the right time, not when you feel lonely or are wanting to fill an insatiable hole in your self confidence. You are a cool person and have your own unique talents and capabilities. I know this because everyone is cool and has their own unique capabilities in their own way, so hang out with yourself and get to know yourself better. I have personally experienced the greatest growth in my lifetime during times of hardship, when a girl broke up with me, when I lost a job, when I had to move back in with my parents, etc., but I’m grateful for all of those things because they made me the man I am today. I feel sorry for some people that never get to experience this, and go from relationship to relationship being dependent on someone else for emotional security. If you’re single and going through this right now then consider yourself lucky that you get to experience this kind of hardship and know that you’ll inevitable grow from it, so that you’ll be a better man next time around when you do meet the right girl and the chips fall into place.
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