Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
– Benjamin Franklin
When you are a young 20-something-year-old guy going through a breakup it helps to have some wisdom about the opposite sex. My being the hard-headed young man I was in my early 20’s shows that I knew nearly nothing about the unexplained complexities of the female mind, and understanding a female’s brain is probably harder than understanding the complexities of quantum physics. But here is some advice to help you maybe understand why some girls behave the way they do.
- Breakups suck for girls just as much as guys, maybe even moreso in the beginning.
I was sitting on the edge of a rock in almost near pitch-black night under the stars with my buddy Jimmy. We had already got the key recipe for the night’s shenanigans – cheap hard apple cider, and already had it on ice in the cooler. This new girl I was trying to date was with us, along with her friend. Unfortunately for Jim, the friend was much less attractive than the girl I was seeing/ pursuing that night, and scored below the range of being acceptable enough to have sexual relationships with that night. Fortunately for me, the girl I brought on the outdoor date was well above the range of being acceptable enough to have sexual relations with and even date, so I brought the hard apple cider to compensate for my awkwardness. I remember we got on the topic of breakups, and remember how my girlfriend blurted out, “breakups really suck.” The emotion and solidness in her voice confirmed to me that breakups really do suck for girls, and I have since found that they suck just as much for girls as they do guys. Even research shows that breakups take more of an emotional toll in the beginning on girls than they do guys, but in the long-run guys feel the pain of breakups for longer and have a harder time getting over the other person. Good thing you have this blog for advice.
2. Girls are not obsessed with sex like you are
Every 16-year-old teenage guy and every guy who’s ever been 16-years-old before and lonely and horny while stuck in a high school classroom for 8+ hours a day with dozens of other attractive females knows that the idea of sex enters the brain approximately 6-10 times every 1.2452353 seconds. That’s probably an exaggeration but every guy can relate to this fact. As guys sex dominates our lives. We live for it sometimes. We obsess over it. It controls us, it manipulates us, and sometimes it can destroy us. There’s a reason one of the most bad-ass and beastly men in the universe known as Achilles of Troy was killed over a woman – women are one of the most powerful things in the universe, and we as men are obsessed about finding some hopeless way of sleeping with as many of them as we can. This is not women’s desires. They generally do not obsess about sex like we do. They generally do not have the same pervented fantasies floating in their head as often as you do. You must realize and accept this, and remember this when you are rationalizing your breakup with your girlfriend – one of the main reasons couples breakup is because of sex.
3. Girls value friends more than anything
If you’re introverted like me and don’t mind staying in and binge watching Youtube or the latest episode of whatever meaningless TV show you’re hooked on for your Friday night, you may not understand why your girlfriend insists that she has to go out for her friend Kelly’s birthday. “Come over and hang with me and I’ll let you pick the movie” you might offer, or “come hang out with me and the boys, we’re going to that new bar you’ve been talking about downtown.” Women insist on hanging out with their friends on the weekends and balancing time with their girlfriends because women’s brains are wired for communication and friendship. There have been studies that show feel-good chemicals are released when women bond with their friends, and just like you get off on watching the latest episode of your show, she gets off on hanging with her girlfriends. She probably gets off on it more.
4. Girls do not like to be controlled in the year 2019
Something happened 50 years ago. Something that would change your life forever, and would change the way women interact and think. This something just-so-happened to be the feminist movement, and now that it’s 2019 the movement is still going strong. Women want to be more independent than ever. The idea of independence and not being controlled by a man has been drilled into little girl’s heads relentlessly since their birth, and the idea of a 1950’s housewife is almost appalling today. If you indicate you are trying to control your girlfriend in a more-than-acceptable manner then you will surely be crucified, so take heed of what I’m saying my friend. Especially if you’re girlfriend was indoctinated and educated in the idealogy of what is known as the United States’ university, then especially tread lightly. Do not try to be controlling of your girlfriend, and you will see the less controlling you are, the smoother the relationship will likely go. This is yet another reason your girlfriend may have dumped you.
5. Feelings are sensitive
One time I did something incredibly stupid. My girlfriend was trying on clothes and a bra and asked me what I thought of her boobs. The correct response would be to tell her that I liked them (which I did) and not mention anything about their size. Unfortunately I was an extreme novice in the wisdom of girls at this time, and said something along the lines of, “They’re nice and cute and small. Although they’re small I like that about them.” I then smiled not realizing I just completely devastated my girlfriends world by telling her something she already knew – that her boobs were kind of small. This was not a good move, and it is important to understand that as men we must think before we speak, especially when we are speaking to the opposite sex. If I had said that exact same comment to my friend Brandon no one would have bat an eye. The same comment said to the opposite sex has devastating consequences, which may in fact lead to a breakup. Maybe you’re girlfriend dumped you because you were dumb like me and blurted out too many unintentional insults. Either way you can remember what you did wrong in this relationship, and change for the better so next time you can be and grow to be a better man.
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How To Get Over a Breakup 